Fallen Victim to a Friend-Flirter

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Fallen Victim to a Friend-Flirter

So I didn't know friend-flirting had be named and defined before a somewhat recent Datingish post. Well, now that I know what it is, I can safely say that I have fallen for a friend-flirter.
I think friend-flirting is lame unless it's mutual and consensual. Because someone (i.e. me) is going to feel like he/she is being led on. I mean, I really didn't think he was friend-flirting because, well,... doesn't friend flirting have its limits?

You see, over the summer, I got to know this Friend-flirter named "Eric." In the beginning, Eric called me/texted me every night to talk. And we would talk... for hours at a time. Before I knew it, I just wanted to make Eric happy in any way possible. I soon realized that I was falling for him. It didn't help me that he visited me at work, ate Subway with me, invited me to go see Public Enemies with him, and invited me over to watch Star Trek at his house. It didn't help me either that we went swimming together, just the two of us. And it didn't help me that he was giving me stuff that he had around his house: two books, a little doggy keychain, pink doggy slippers, a muffin, and a bowl of Ramen for me to eat during my lunch break.

Yeah, by the end of all that, I had it bad. But I tried to keep it under wraps. A little later, I left for vacation for a little more than a week (absence makes the heart grow fonder?). And all the while, I realized that the tides had turned. I felt like I was caring about him more than he cared about me. I was now the one asking him if he was available to talk... I was the one texting him first. And so I stopped. And it got to me that he didn't bother to reach out to me after I abruptly stopped talking to him. I got pretty upset, ended up crying about it, and then acted on impulse the next day: in a short five minute conversation, I told him that I liked him, and he laughed and didn't take me seriously.

Well, we haven't talked since. I'm too embarrassed to show my face around him. I didn't think he liked me, but I felt like I had to get all that crap off my chest. So I did, and now I'm one close friend short.

Does friend-flirting have its limits? Do you know someone who friend-flirts or are you a friend-flirter? Have you ever felt led on by a friend-flirter or have you led someone on yourself?

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Im that guy... but most of my female friends are married, engaged or lesbians so its kind of a safe zone.
- 9/27/2009 10:37 AM
- erahslover@xanga (message)
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I hate friend-flirters. I was in your place, if not worse a year ago. It's a long story... And what sucks even more is that I still want to hang out with him and wished he'd still at least keep in some contact with me. Is that lame or what? But I've moved on. Well, I'm close to it anyway. I'd say I'm 93% there. :)
- 9/27/2009 10:56 AM
- pipergymnast11@xanga (message)
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I have a friend that started out as a "flirtin' friend" we both ended up falling for each other and letting things get a bit out of hand. We are still friends but the way back has not been easy. I agree that flirtin friends can be lots of fun as long as it's mutual and consensual but you do have to be careful lest someone get hurt and you end up losing a friend.
- 9/27/2009 11:04 AM
- echois23@xanga (message)
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It happens. Lesson learned. Good that you're learning young lol
- 9/27/2009 11:52 AM
- tastytimmm@xanga (message)
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eric sounds like a sleeze.
good thing u dont ta;lk to him anymore.
p.s. was star trek any good?
- 9/27/2009 12:25 PM
- kaos_calle@xanga (message)
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Dunk!

Hmmm....going through *little* bit of something like that, possibly. But the situation is too muddled to really compare.

I know it feels really embarrassing, but try to keep your head high. There's absolutely no shame in feeling how you do, and it's nothing you can control: so why beat yourself up over it?

These things happen. If he can't be your friend even after this, then you don't really need him as one, even if it is a shame you could lose/lost him.
- 9/27/2009 12:26 PM
- lapis_lazuli917@xanga (message)
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I have a friend flirter and I am to him as well but all is mutual. We both know where we stand and most of the time, we just bs with each other.
At least you know what Eric takes you for and got that little bits off your chest. It's always better to find out now and hurt now than later.
- 9/27/2009 1:01 PM
- jeezshoua@xanga (message)
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well, people flirt all the time. Most the time the person know's what they got. I know what I got. I know what attracts the guys. lol but it's all into how you use it. laws of seduction. the seducer and the seduced.
what i hate the most are guys who only want to be friends with you cause they like you and when they can't have you, they throw a fit and leave and say it's your fault for making them feel that way.
I despise those guys.
but in those situations, you have to know where you each stand. Glad you got it off your chest. Remember it doesn't hurt to ask if he likes you. If you're confuse on the relationship, ask. communicate.
- 9/27/2009 1:21 PM
- imanotakuareu@xanga (message)
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:-/
I'm sorry sweetie...been there done that...got that t-shirt.
<3
- 9/27/2009 1:25 PM
- Xbeautifully_broken_downX@xanga (message)
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@kaos_calle@xanga - I only watched half.. Dang it! At least I could have finished the movie before I excommunicated him, looooool
- 9/27/2009 1:39 PM
- sweeetstache@xanga (message)
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omg, thats exactly what happened to me. frd-flirters are jerks, no offense..all they really want is the flirting process...
- 9/27/2009 2:19 PM
- Beck_ii@xanga (message)
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If a guy and a girl are best friends, then eventually somebody will like the other one.
- 9/27/2009 2:45 PM
- SupperMick@xanga (message)
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i'm definitely guilty for theing a friend flirter. i guess to me, it's just innocent and i'm just having fun, but to others it's not. lately, i've been stepping back a little bit and trying not to cross the line of friendship. this past summer, i went a little too far by being a friend-flirter and hurt a really nice, genuine guy. i feel bad about it, but to me, i made my intentions pretty clear so i'm not so sure where the misunderstanding is in his part.
- 9/27/2009 2:50 PM
- superGchik@xanga (message)
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I am a friend-flirter and I still am one, though I am married. Complicated, yes. Anyways, in the past I will say that I have led people on but when I did it to a friend, who I didn't mean to hurt then I confronted him or her. I apologized when I realized that the person actually had feelings for me. Though I am kind of wondering if he even noticed what he was doing and that he was letting you on. If he didn't, then that is a little dense.
Though, I would keep your chin up. I know you are embarrassed but I say that the next time you see him, then tell him. Sometimes friend-flirters need to be put in their place. I know I needed to sometimes.
- 9/27/2009 3:00 PM
- shadesofillusion@xanga (message)
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my guy friend is a friend flirter , i think i was a friend flirter bak at him , it was prob wrong but i was and at first i got hurt but this time he got hurt. friend flirter is kinda bad to be honest...
- 9/27/2009 3:03 PM
- BarbieDollZZ@xanga (message)
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It's really difficult to draw the line between good friends and romantic partners. In many ways a romantic partner and a good friend share similar characteristics and morals.
I really think that Eric was just trying to be a good friend. I don't think he was a friend-flirter.
- 9/27/2009 3:03 PM
- ElusiveSecrets@xanga (message)
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I hate this. It's frustrating and just makes me angry. Unless it"s clear by both parties that it's just playing it's not ok. I've def been burned by this, bad.
- 9/27/2009 4:46 PM
- ccarothers@xanga (message)
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i can't tell you exactly if he's a friend-flirter, but i'm sorry. one sided love, especially with a close friend, really sucks.
- 9/27/2009 4:56 PM
- eatdrinkandbemaryy@xanga (message)
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I've been somewhat of a friend flirter. Eventually I got with them and left my current at the time. We are no longer (and never will be) friend flirters again.
- 9/27/2009 5:34 PM
- ellendotsong@xanga (message)
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a close friend of mine is a friend-flirter. What's worse is that she knows how I feel about her and continues to act that way. It's fucking painful as shit.
- 9/27/2009 5:35 PM
- bludrgn72@xanga (message)
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sigh. it really is so damn annoying. =T
- 9/27/2009 5:39 PM
- UnopenedSuitcases@xanga (message)
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I think it sucks.
- 9/27/2009 5:52 PM
- TheSecretLifeOfPandas@xanga (message)
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I don't see the point of flirting with someone you know unless you want or intend for it to go somewhere. Flirting with a friend just to flirt can get people hurt.
- 9/27/2009 7:32 PM
- prettyboy78@xanga (message)
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Some people just have a natural tendency to flirt according to my friend. I do it unknowingly according to my friend even to girls I don't like. I guess it was the same case here. If you want to keep him as your close friend talk to him. Seriously I talked to a friend flirter I fell for after I told her I liked her and now we're still close and can talk comfortably because now we know exactly how each of us felt. Clear things up and you can still be friends.
- 9/27/2009 7:40 PM
- lil_KyungMin@xanga (message)
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goddamn girl, that sucks so bad. :(
just get over him and don't talk to him at all for now, until you're okay about it. hang with your girlfriends more. eat chocolate
- 9/27/2009 10:22 PM
- snapeful@xanga (message)
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