Hey kids! It's hypothetical situation time! ...Or is the situation actually real? Hmmmm...
Actually it is real, but of course I'm going to keep the names of the people involved a secret in order to protect their identities.
Anyway, I used to be friends with this one guy. We'll call him Alex. Alex and I knew each other for about eight years until a few things happened that broke our friendship apart. His girlfriend was at the center of all this. Allow me to explain. We'll call his girlfriend Sarah.
Alex, Sarah and a bunch of our friends were all supposed to go to a park and play catch. The plan was simple enough.
Out of all of us, I had the roughest commute. I had to travel about an hour and a half to where I had to meet everyone. I didn't mind though. If I love someone I'll be willing to go through some inconveniences to hang out with them.
When we all met up, everyone in the group was present. Everyone except for Alex and Sarah that is. So the rest of us decided to make the 10 minute walk to the park from where we were and go ahead without them. We figured they'll catch up soon enough, and we were tired of waiting on them. After all, we were in their neighborhood so its not like they were in unfamiliar territory. I asked one of my other friends to take down directions for them for when they got out of the train and called us.
When Alex and Sarah finally arrived, they spent about an hour and a half cursing us out; most of it being directed at me. They felt like we "betrayed" them for going ahead without them, even though they were very late to their own plans. The rest of us were really shocked at their reaction to us making a short 10 minute walk through a nice neighborhood. It's not like we left them stranded in the middle of nowhere, and its not like we ditched them either. Most of the arguing occurred between myself and Sarah actually.
Even though we all agreed that I did nothing wrong and that my friend's girlfriend was totally out of line, Alex basically decided to end all contact with me after that. It boils down to him picking his girlfriend's side over mine, even though she was clearly in the wrong. Every person I've told this story to has told me that they were wrong and the rest of us were in the clear. I know what you're thinking, but I've never told a biased version of this story. It wouldn't comfort me for people to give me reassurances after I've deceived them.
So now to throw this out to the readers. What do you think of this situation? If you were in a similar situation where your boyfriend/girlfriend and your best friend are fighting, do you take the side of your partner even though they are completely and utterly wrong?
It's time for you to sound off.
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Comments (43)
honestly... it's all your fault.
lol kidding... him and his girlfriend were wrong... and of course he'll pick his girlfriend's side if she means that much to him. I wouldn't beat myself too much over this if I were you... your friend will probably come around eventually. Just a matter of time hopefully.
No, you should not take the side of your partner just because they are your partner. You should never take anyone's side for any reason other than because you truly believe they were right and the other person was wrong, no matter who these people are to you in your life. Not only is it stupid, but it's unhealthy to a relationship to do that. I'd like to know that my relationship was healthy enough to withstand opposition on a viewpoint.
I have known people that stand up for their loved ones no matter how wrong they are, and I can't tell you how much it just makes me want to throw something through a window. It is highly frustrating and WRONG. It makes no sense, and it's hugely injustice. What's even worse is when you ask this person why they are standing up for them when they are wrong and they say "She's my girlfriend/wife/husband/boyfriend/bestfriend" and shrug. So?!?!
Wrong is wrong. Simple as that. If you don't have the spine to stand up to your loved one for someone "less important" than them (for lack of better wording), then you shouldn't be in that relationship.
well judging from that story i'd say you were in the right, but you know, i'd love to hear both sides of the story.
oh, sad. how shitty! yeah a lot of girls have a hard time admitting they're wrong, and if he loves his gf (or just wants to avoid a fight ... either way) he's prob gonna pick her side.
its always sad though when friendships like that go to the wayside.
@BohemianLamb@xanga - and i agree! i'd not defend my bf if he was wrong, nor would i hope he defend me if i were.
just sayin, might be their way o thinking, dig?
Idk, dude. Sometimes I think guys choose their gfs over their bestfriends cos they feel they're going to lose them if they didn't. It's like they're whipped. It's all about the girlfriend, and then the friends. She was being a bitch, and was mos def wrong. And why were they mad for?! It was just playing catch at a park! What the heck!
Ok, Yeah, he's going to side with her (at least publicly) if he cares at all to hang onto her, because she's warming his bed, and all that other good stuff girlfriends do. And the fact that most of the arguing took place between you and her, I'm guessing she sees you as a threat, a good old female friend of HER boyfriend. Consciously or un, she sought to drive a wedge between you, this was a good opportunity. Maybe he has talked about you too much, maybe he admitted he once had a crush on you or boasted that you once had a crush on him. Maybe she is insecure or has seen one too many "long time gal pal steals guy from new girl" movie.
But honestly, of COURSE he's going to side with her. If it was your SO and a friend, anything less than a bff, wouldn't you end up siding with SO? at least in public.
I'm guessing she used their trip home to talk about what a b*tch you were and then gave him an earful (likely when he said you DID have a point) about how he better not pal with you anymore.
I'm guessing that is how it went down.
It'd have to be over a way bigger issue, of serious ethics or something before I'd risk losing my SO and partner of great intimacy for a pal over a stupid argument that I figure will blow over in a little while, I'd probably do what he did.
I know my priorities and I set them straight. If my boyfriend was really wrong, than I would defend my friend. Because to me, it hurts more if I lose my best friend for the wrong reasons than lose my boyfriend for the right reasons.
@Duhiana@xanga - Agreed.
If they were freaking out so badly over such a small thing, I'm pretty sure there's some sort of deeper silent problem going on with your group of friends, perhaps a power struggle for being "the leader of the pack" or somebody's feeling left out? it sounds absurd but I see it all of the time.
I WOULDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO TAKE ANY SIDES AND IF THEY WANNA PLAY HIGH SCHOOL GAMES THEN LET THEM IT'S NOT GOING TO PHASE ME I COULD CARELESS... I'MA BE THE BIGGER PERSON AND SAY FUCK IT IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK THEN THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK I DON'T REALLY CARE! MY FRIEND CHOOSES HER BOYFRIEND OVER ME SO I SAID FUCK IT... OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE AND THEN LATER ON WHEN HER BOYFRIEND BREAKS UP WITH HER SHE'S GONNA COME CRAWLING BACK TO ME CRYING ABOUT HOW SHE FUCKED UP... YES IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE... AND YOUR FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND IS A BITCH... SHE NEEDS A REALITY CHECK FOR SURE! SHE NEEDA TAKE A CHILL PILL AND CALM THE BITCHINESS DOWN... SHE BE DOING TOO MUCH...
It sucks being in a relationship where you have to pick your gfs side, or theres "no side" (long ago when I didn't know better).
Easy to say he picked her over you, obvious to see if it went the other way around, she wouldve left him right there ("good luck" on that relationships). If he tries to come back..id make him work to get back a broken friendship.
@cheddarsox@xanga - ...but....im a DUDE...lol...
I wouldn't form an opinion based on half the story.
@xerxes2044 - Really?! You're a dude and your friend alex ditched your for some poon. that's lame brosef.
On the other hand, nobody ever really wins an argument.
Obviously they are wrong.
And if i was in this situation, i would let my boyfriend know that he is wrong and to not act like that towards my friend. If he got mad about it then so be it, he'd get over it eventually. I'd also hope he would tell me if i was wrong. But generally i wouldn't have made it such a big deal, if the situation were the same as yours.I mean , really? to end all communication over that is dramatic! doesn't seem to me that he was a very good friend, to do something like that over such a small mishap.
I'd support her, but I wouldn't go as far as to cut of contact because of that. Besides, hopefully my girlfriend won't be as crazy as to argue about a silly point like that.
i think this is a silly argument to start off with... all parties should just grow up.
According to this story and based solely on this version, the argument sounds unnecessary & you weren't wrong. Cutting ties was pretty drastic.
I personally would always choose my SO's side, but I would also let them know if they were wrong or right. But I would have their back over any friend (best or not) any day, that is if I plan on spending the rest of my life with that SO.
It seems to me here that there may be other underlying reasons for the big blow out.
@BohemianLamb@xanga - I see your point, but it has to do with loyalty, respect, and knowing that you have an ally. Yes, as I previously stated in my comment earlier, I would support my SO but I would also let them know my honest opinion about any situation. Perhaps I may be understanding the story differently...
I take the side of whoever is right.
honestly, i wouldn't want to choose who's right, because i can see where both sides would be upset. however as far as which side is acting more stupid about it, your friend takes the cake.
@oO_km_Oo@xanga - lol mhmm.
I would have tried to stop the argument from happening by calming down my girlfriend and then taking a step back and thinking about the situation before letting it get out of hand.
This would have also helped my girlfriend if she was in the wrong by giving her time to cool off and not do something in the spur of the moment.
She was out of line, and assuming you are telling the truth as you say which I have no reason to believe you are lying, then she was just a bitch and looking to blame you. May have been that she didn't like you and used this mess up as an excuse to rid you from her boyfriends life, or simply that she "can never me wrong or to blame/be at fault"
When there is a fight between my SO and one of my friends (or any other two important people in my life) I always side with whomever is in the right. And if the person in the wrong gets mad at me then so be it, I am a fair and just person, or at least I try to be.
i take the side that's right.