There's something I always wondered:
You get into a new relationship, you meet that persons' friends, and they meet yours...
But what about the leftovers in relationships, such as the friends? do you keep them or lose them? What if they were actually cool people? do you still try to keep in touch, or do you let them go?
If they were douchebags, it doesn't matter. But how does someone go about keeping friends if they want them? All too often I've seen relationships go bad, and the ex disappears from our group, and there have been times in which I wish they would hang out more, despite them breaking up with one of my friends.
What are your thoughts on this?
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Comments (22)
I mean, if you lose friends once a breakup happens, then they probably weren't worth your time anyway.
my friend is friends with my now ex and i. its hard because they don't wanna say the wrong thing to either one of us, and she doesn't wanna start something, so its kinda hard
but i mean, if they really wanna be friends w/ both of the people, they would try and make it work, no matter how hard it was
& like @steph - said, they probably werent worth it in the first place.
my ex was friends w some my other friends first. since he sort of moved out of the area, i erally don't care if they keep in contact or not. although, we also werent on really BAD terms, i just stopped talking so i could move on. though that was years ago anyway...
Thats such a hard situation depends on the people i guess but if you really are good friends with them it shouldn't matter.
BTW my one ex was such a ass that his friends became friends with me and not him after we broke up :) I didn't try to steal them tho they just didnt want to be his friend anymore.@steph - @iloveyoubabydoll_728@xanga - cosign to both =)
my ex was friends some of my friends and a couple of my brothers. We broke up on bad, very bad terms. So admittedly, I would have felt hurt if I heard my friends and brothers talking about her. I wouldn't stop being friends with them for talking to her but it would be hard.
@steph - Agreed
If the break up is good I would say keep in touch. It's what I'm doing now.
@steph - Agreed.
It sucks, but you can't make your decision for your friends. You are obligated as a good friend, to let them be who they want, and hang with who they want. It may hurt, but you really shouldn't be dictating these types of things in your friend's lives.
My friends ended up splitting up time for both me and my girlfriend when we broke up for a while. She was integrated so well into the group that it was impossible to just cut ties.
when my relationship ended in may with my ex, we had a lot of friends that we had between us, and to me, just because the relationship is over, doesn't mean that my friendship with these people are over. yes, it was tough to see my ex when we hung out, but sometimes you have to just suck it up and be mature about it. it's because it's not the friends that the relationship didn't work out, it's between you and that person.
mm we kept our friends but usually there are friends that they have that werent in the relationship as well (ie separate groups that are friends with both, and some taht acknowledge both)
we do keep in touch, but not often. usually for special occasions such as a birthday
@steph - couldnt agree more.
my ex and i are definitely on bad terms.. fucking jackarse blocked me but anyways.. it depends upon the relationship.. some just go sour
My ex started dating one of our "relationship leftovers" in the form of MY BEST FRIEND (who he never talked to except when the three of us was hanging out and usually in the context of a large group >.
I dated my ex for 3.5 years though, so most of his friends became my friends, though I suppose a few of his guy friends I no longer talk to. I did sort of steal his roommate though >.<
In general, I would say that relationships are a great way for you to meet new friends, but keep in mind that for the most part, they will side with the ex and not with you when the end arrives.
Implicit in the question is that a couple become exes. All of us can do better at selecting our significant others. I read a great e-book that takes a different slant than I'd ever heard before on how to identify who is right for you. He claims the answer lies in admiration. It's well worth the read...it will leave you thinking and it provides a path to discovering who would be right for you. It's called, "I Have One Question," by Hayden Dane, and it's available at his Web site: www.haydendane.com
@steph - agreed.
me and my boyfriend recently broke up after three years.
and we go to church together and basically all of his friends are my friends.
as it's still recent, and im not really at the stage where i can deal with seeing him,
it makes it hard to see my friends.
but i will definitely be attending church again and not letting this come between my relationship with everyone else.
if they're cool people to be friends with and they like being friends with me too, then I want to keep em as friends. my social life is not a part of my relationship. Those are separate. but it's kind of icky, if you're introduced as the girlfriend/boyfriend or as the friend. If you come off as the girlfriend/boyfriend or as another friend.
ex. My boyfriend introduces me to his college friends in his club HUSA, I am introduced as the girlfriend. So automatically there's a boundary. Even if I've gotten to know them better or so, they would still only call up my bf and ask for him to come out and hang out (of course he brings me). I'm the type that socializes with people so I talk to most of his friends. But you can't help but feel that boundary there cause they're your boyfriends friends not yours even if you tried. But cause you're the girlfriend and your boyfriend's a good guy, there's that automatic respect there for you, you've become just the girlfriend and not one of their friends. ouch.
It's like they have to be nice to you in the first place.
This happened to me, I became friends with my boyfriend's friends and when we broke up it became kind of hard because they wanted me to hang out with them when he couldn't handle it if I was there around him, the problem was solved though seeming we ended up getting back together.
my ex and i had the same guy friends,our friends still hang out with both of us,my ex wanted to talk but i politely declined.