Friday, 25 September 2009
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"But It's Good For You"
I'm at a point in my life where I have chosen celibacy for myself, not only because it makes me feel more at ease, but also because it sets me free. I don't have to worry about pregnancy or STDs (even though I use condoms when I'm sexually active, there is nothing that really lets you know that you're in the clear than abstinence!) There is just one person who wants to get in the way of me and the decision I've made. And that person is George.
I met "George" March of this year. He liked me from the beginning, but I found him full of shit and a little weird. He likes talking about horoscopes and how we're perfect for each other because I'm a Sagittarius and he's an Aries. He even read my palm the first time we met......it was quite strange. He asked me out repeatedly, but I declined every single time, until finally one time I was bored and thought "oh what the hell, might as well" and decided we would hang out.
After that time, George and I began a sexual relationship, more popularly referred to as "f*** buddies." I had never had someone else be that for me, and didn't know what to think. All I knew was that after meeting up with him for two weeks in a row to just "get busy", I didn't want anymore of it. I wanted someone who wanted more than just to have sex with me, who wanted to spend hours talking to me about anything and everything.
I tried hanging out with George platonically, asked him to have ice cream and recommend a book for me at Barnes & Noble, but he still put pressure on me to have sex with him, and I felt uncomfortable. I expressed this to George and he couldn't understand me. One particular conversation went like a little like the following, it begins with me explaining I don't want to have sex anymore.
Me: Of course I want sex, silly. I'm human. I just FEEL better when I abstain. I'm not ready for it and all the attachment and guilt it can bring, I feel uncomfortable. I want to do it on my terms......if it's not then I don't wanna do it.
George: The secret is that everyone's uncomfortable. They do it anyway because it's good for them. If you're having trouble, just think of sex like vegetables. Take a medical approach to it. Abstaining only makes the feelings worse.
Me: I don't want to have sex, I just DON'T. You prodding me or telling me to just do it is not going to change my mind. I may wake up one day, tomorrow even, and be like "ok i wanna have sex" but for now, I'm ok. That's what I don't like about you, that you don't leave me alone about the decisions I make concerning my body!
George: That's not my job as a friend. All I can do is offer help and guidance. You are making a decision based on the emotion of fear. You fear the pain and guilt. The only way to get through fear is by experiencing it. You don't just wake up and say "I'm confident today", haha. When I'm confident, I'm comfortable.
Me:I feel comfortable when I abstain. I feel better. Not only that but I don't wanna have anything to do with men.His main argument is that sex is good for you and that I shouldn't miss out on having it because it will make me happier. My experience has shown me that I do better when sex is with someone I really care about and even though I really want to have sex now, I would much rather wait. I feel like he is trying to persuade me otherwise just so he can capitalize off of me.
What do you think? Is my fear of attachment stopping me from something great, or am I right in wanting to wait around until I feel ready? Is he full of shit and an ass or does he have a point? Help.
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About the Author
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- From: cubancutiepie@xanga
- About Me: Um, wow. I have nothing to say.
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Comments (62)
if you feel comfortable, abstaining, more power to you! don't care what oether ppl say or thinkl.
George is full of shit and ass. His argument is flawed; just because something is good for you does not logically mean you are required to do it. He's trying to pressure you into more sex with him.
I think that the forces who have taught you a sense of morality have done a good job. Guilt, in my eyes, is unnatural, when pertaining to one of the most natural acts. I don't believe you should feel guilty, or even bad for doing it, but the problem is that you do. Either you need to examine your moral beliefs, or proceed to the next paragraph.
With that said, he sounds like an idiot. Horoscope and palm readings are utter bull shit. Tell him to take his superstitions and attempt to achieve self fellatio.
You're right in waiting until you're ready and respecting yourself. Making sure that you're comfortable with the situation.
Just because something is "good for you" doesn't mean you should do it.
i agree...
Its not fear at all that makes you want to be abstanant....
and sex is a good healthy part of a relationship between 2 ppl who care about each other.
yea its fun otherwise but with certain ppl can make them feel empty inside if its not with someone they love
and no one should pressure you into anything
george's reason are completely irrelevant and just plain stupid.
honestly he sounds like a moron whose just pressuring you b/c he's horny
besides, if you look at it from a relious point-of-view,
it can be a very good thing, lot of churches see it as what you should do...
not that im saying you have to abstain =]
and also help you focus more on yourself at this time in your life
That guy is a perv and an asshole. Don't fall for his B.S. Tell him to take a hike. Sure sex has it's benefits, but there's dangers and consequences to having it as well. STD's and pregnancy aside, some women can get bladder infections from frequent sex (mainly if they don't go to the bathroom right after intercourse). Plus if he's fingering you and his hands are dirty...well that's just gross to even think about.
If you feel good about abstaining then great. It's your body and your decision, not his. The fact that he's pressuring you is not only annoying and rude, but also kind of creepy. Like I said, if he can't just hang out and be fine with it then he needs to go (feel free to kick him in the ass on the way out too!) lol
This guy obviously doesn't respect you, he just wants sex with you. Just stop hanging out with him! I'm like you, i choose celibacy simply because I feel better when I don't have to worry about protection, pregnancy, and std's. If a guy can't respect that, he's simply not worth your time; he's not looking out for you. Let him go!
You choose your life's path, not him. :)
LOL.
This guy has gotten into your head.
He was weird when you first thought so...AND he's still weird.
Why are you wasting your time with a creepo weirdo?
Good luck.
You have the right to make any and all decisions about what you do with your body. Don't let anybody pressure you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing.
The "I don't wanna have anything to do with men" bit is a little much, though, unless you neglected to mention that you joined a convent...
You shoulda slapped him.
he is totally full of shit.
It sounds like you were only having sex with him because you were bored. I'm not saying that it's wrong to do that... but if he disgusts you, why even hang out with him, let alone have sex with him?
@schallerbrandon@xanga - 100% agree. =]
yeeeah. he doesnt care about you. he just wants to get his dick wet.
if u feel guilty about doing it then dont do it. I feel the same way.......its your body. dont let him suade you otherwise.
haha yes, he is full of shit and an ass.
ok, not necessarily. he may be confused himself, and assume that everyone else is, too. or that may really be the thing that works for him. but that doesn't mean it works for you. especially in your case, you've tried it both ways, and clearly you don't want to have sex with the man since you are stating that you would prefer not to. he is being obstinate and callous. if he doesn't respect your decisions, he doesn't even deserve to be your fuck buddy.
and as far as the theory that sex is good for you, STD's definitely aren't good for you, and there are differing schools of thought on whether or not sex is good in and of itself, or if it screws with your hormones, or if it's only good for you in a stable relationship. soooooo that argument is not objective. nor true.
If you're not ready to have sex. Then don't.
He needs to respect your decisions and emotions.You have a good argument against it as well, I mean, if you feel better than thats what you should do. You can't just shove aside your emotions because " it's good for you " . If it makes you uncomfortable or unhappy then why would you do it? It takes alot of strength to stand up and say that, and not let anyone persuade you to do something you don't want to. your definitely right in waiting until YOU are ready.Sex is supposed to be a comfortable thing. Because I'm uncomfortable with the concept I avoid it. (It also helps that I'm asexual). However, I think you made the biggest mistake by allowing him to sleep with you.
If you just kept saying "no", he would've eventually given up and you wouldn't feel the pressure. Sure, he's an asshole, but you're the one who let him sleep with you. It's obvious he's only into you for the sex, so just stop talking to him and stop giving him what he wants (close your mouth, close your legs LOL).
- Kunoichi
If you're not comfortable and want to have sex with someone on your terms, go for it. Who cares what George or anyone thinks. Obviously, he just enjoys the sex with no strings attach. You know yourself best and what you want and are comfortable doing or not doing.
This clown sounds like Billy Joel ("Come out Cubana, don't make me wait. . ."???).
There is no reason to accept advice that comes from his "little head.". . .
Respect yourself, be comfortable and be confident in your decision to abstain. Don't care about the negative jerks out there.
Btw, you should have hit him.
he's full of shit and you're right
Kick his stupid ass to the curb.
god, get him off your case.
If you're clear on what you want, yet he still pressures you to do it, it's time to drop his ass. No one should force you to do something you don't feel comfortable doing in a relationship of any sorts. Put your foot down and tell him straight up no. It would also be nice to carry some mace for some extra reinforcement.
@Luvlystarr@xanga - I completely agree. Why do you still associate yourself with him? Sex may be good for you, but it's obviously better for him. His argument is like a broken record; I've heard so many times. Absolute bullshit.
Hes a pervert?