Is it possible to have everything you wanted, and still not be satisfied? Well relationship wise I mean, of course. I always wanted a boyfriend who would be my "prince charming" you know open the doors for you, compliment you even when it wasn't needed, make sure your happy every minute of every day, go to whatever movie you wanted to see, do whatever you wanted to do, even if he didn't want to etc.
My last relationship was definitely not that sort of relationship, and I always longed to find someone who would treat me like a princess (well so to speak). But I finally found the "prefect guy," well to me at least. He really does do everything I mentioned and then some. I mean this guy really does truly care about me and will do anything to make sure I am happy 24/7. So why am I complaining?
I really wish I knew the problem but I don't. I feel like something is still missing and I don't know what it is. Don't get me wrong, I really do care about this guy and everything but some days I just feel like....longing for something that I can't seem to find. Does anyone else feel like that or have any idea how I can get over this feeling?
Have you ever reevaluated what "perfect" means to you?
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Comments (32)
Perfect, to me, is someone who's come to terms with their imperfections.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Not bad, not bad.
Perfect is imperfect. Imperfections are perfect.
... it's within the eye of the beholder.
maybe the perfection you thought you wanted isn't the "perfection" you needed.
LOL grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side... or so we all think!
i never think in terms of "perfect." just what i liek and don't like.
i feel like i'm sorta in the same situation. my boyfriend is "perfect" in a sense that he is a grrrrrrreat boyfriend material.. but i've always felt like something's missing (we've been together a year now)... and recently i'm beginning to realize the fine line between "boyfriend material" and "husband material".. although I love him dearly, I think what's missing in my boyfriend may b some characteristics qualifying to be a good "husband material".... nevertheless, I'm currently still with him and happy and i gues that's what counts.
@sumtymesiwonder@xanga - What she said. What you need will satisfy you more in the long run than what you want.
"I always wanted a boyfriend who would be my "prince charming" you know open the doors for you, compliment you even when it wasn't needed, make sure your happy every minute of every day, go to whatever movie you wanted to see, do whatever you wanted to do, even if he didn't want to etc."
All of these things are things that he does for you, but for you to truly love someone, you've got to love them as a person, now just how they treat you. You didn't mention anything about his likes, his dislikes, his habits, his ambitions, his hopes, etc.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can't love someone only because they love you. That's not enough. You've got to be able to love the person that they are without you in the picture.
Don't try to force something out of a relationship that seems so one-sided. Eventually, I feel like he'll figure out that something is wrong and then he'll get hurt. It's not fair to him, I guess.
He might have all those qualities that make him a wonderful boyfriend, but does he have all the qualities that make him a perfect boyfriend for you? Every girl wants a guy that treat her the way he treats you (the not so masochistic ones at least), but loving someone is about loving the person, not loving that the person loves you.
I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that
human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is
now only more active - not more happy - nor more wise, than he was 6000
years ago.”
I think imperfection is perfect.
i think part of loving someone is to accept their faults and realize that all the things that bother you about them are the things that you love about them, because its what makes him special.
Find perfection in a your person's imperfection.
mm. there was the experiment where a married couple were having problems. the doctor recommended sex every night for a week. If you're married...
if you're really not happy, take a break. But remember that every action has it's risks.
Good luck :)
In all honesty, your first paragraph sounds more like a desire for a servant than for a significant other. Everyone has different tastes, likes, and dislikes. From what I've seen, relationships are about compromise. Hopefully you both will enjoy doing a lot of the same things, but you two are not going to be identical. While the other may want to do everything you want to do, make you happy at the drop of the hat, etc., for a while, it will end. Nobody can keep up that act forever. They will either get what they want and move on or grow a spine and become more independent.
Don't get me wrong, I think that one should be willing to do what the other wants to do and make the other happy whenever possible, but it needs to work both ways. They will tick you off and you them. Then what will happen?
As for the prince charming metaphor, have you ladies ever thought that princes (even ones named charming) have lives too? So perhaps, what you really want is someone who can be themselves while still making you feel like a princess, not a servent at your beck and call, making you feel like a master.
-just a thought.
haha story of my life. =T i wish i knew...
I don't really think that it's all about finding the perfect qualities in a person, whether it's those qualities that everyone finds great on paper or even those little quirks that you're sure only you appreciate. The right person (notice I didn't say "perfect") for YOU is custom-made to what YOU need in a relationship. Does he help you grow and do you think you benefit him as well? Relationships are full of so many things--- qualities, personality, timing, love, and so much more that I am still trying to figure out.
Also, I think that a lot of seemingly out-of-nowhere questioning arises from either of these two problems (but not always!): the need to reevaluate and be thankful for what you have or that you and your SO aren't right for each other.
If this sounds like a flip judgment, it wasn't meant to. Best of wishes. =)
The things you find perfect in this guy make you feel safe and stable, but that doesn't have to mean you need to be in love with him. You might just have to step back for a while and see if you can picture yourself as happy as you deserve with him. If not, then you know what to do. Good luck!
@ELIZerson@xanga - Stop using the same word and making it sound like a proverb.
It scares me and mixes me up :(
I never really thought about the meaning for "perfect" until a couple of weeks ago, when I realised I had someone in my life that had a good shape and fit for my understanding of the word.
I look at him and see everything I could ever want and need but I also know that there WILL be times where he isn't either of those things. It's love that gets me past that point and keeps me going.
@Lil_Dude433@xanga - Ha ha I'm sorry. It shouldn't be scary. Especially because it's true, and really does make sense ; )
@Ni_Shi_Wo_De@xanga - that is a wonderful reply. It's so true. Maybe he treats you so well that you can't find anything wrong with him But..do you love him for him? I was in a relationship like that, the guy could not treat me better but I knew something was missing. I just couldn't figure it out. It took a while but i realized that i loved him b/c he adored me.. Shouldn't you want more of life, don't you want someone you can't live without as well?
@Ni_Shi_Wo_De@xanga - well said. very well said.
Just like you I have always longed for perfect. Then I met him. He completely embodied the term. Honestly though, it seemed too good. Call it me having "bad boy syndrome" but I felt like no drama=no sparks. Then about a year into our relationship he suddenly wasn't perfect anymore. Our first Christmas together he got me a diamond necklace--we had only been dating two months. Since then I have gotten my favorite candy bar for my birthday, a picture frame for the next Christmas, nothing but a cute note for valentines, and that is about it, excluding my stunning engagement ring. Oh, and he FINALLY got me my first bouquet of flowers for our 2 year anniversary after months of me harrassing him about it. They were wilted and from wal-mart. He used to even open car doors for me, now if I don't walk quickly enough he will let all doors slam in my face. Even though he knows my love language is words of affirmation and I really need him to verbalize how he feels, he refuses to work on it.
That being said, despite the fact that year one was apparently just a ploy to get me hooked, and despite the fact that now I miss all of those nauseating over the top things he used to do and I wish I could change him back, it is now more than ever that I know he is the one because he is being 100% himself, and it is only in this light that I can be sure this guy is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. He still makes me smile even if he isn't using diamonds, he still holds me just right even if he isn't telling me all the reasons why he loves me, and as for being a gentleman--as his lady I consider it my divine right to work on that till we are eighty years old and I have to teach him scooter etiquette in the Old Folks Home.
i know exactly how you feel.
@tigerdauphin@xanga - haha i've noticed you've said this to several posts lately, and it continues to be true!!
i think the trick here is finding a balance. i've turned down guys simply by virtue of the fact that the worship the ground i walk on ad nauseum, but i've dated guys that are so self-absorbed that they hardly even know what i like. now i'm looking for someone who wants to do with me, not do for me. i want my partner to share in my interests and also have their own to share.