So a friend of mine who recently became single asked me how long she should mourn her relationship. When would it be ok for her to go back out to the dating world?
Her relationship ended on mutual grounds meaning they decided to end things rather than one dumping the other person. If that was the case, wouldn't it be ok for her to get back out there because it must mean that they both understand they can't be with each other. But she insisted that she couldn't help but feel guilty if she moved on right away.
Right now, she is meeting people and doing her thing. A guy recently asked for her number so they can hang out and she hesitated and hasn't responded yet.
I told her maybe he just wants to hang out as friends and she shouldn't think he's trying to hook up with her. After all, it's just a phone number and as long as they stay away from getting drunk, keep their hands out of their pants and just keep their clothes on, it's pretty harmless...right? Or is it too soon?
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Comments (34)
It's time to move on when you feel like it, not when someone else decides you should.
I was gonna write about this.
If you're not prepared to move on, don't rush it. Deal with your issues before starting a new relationship. Baggage/unresolved issues can be toxic.
I read somewhere that you should mourn for half the amount of time spent being in a relationship. For example, a six month relationship? You're allowed to mourn for three months.
Sounds okay to me.
If she's comfortable to move on, she should do so. But if she's feeling guilty, it only means she's not certain she wants to let go of her past relationship.
everyone have their own pace, what works for you doesn't mean it will work for others!
best advice is let them decide and if it meant to be, then it meant to be, no need to rush into a rebound that you will regrets later on!
just hang out with her as friends and don't try to hook her up with friends even though it is a nice juster from you, it is not really helping her!
It really depends how long they have dated and how much she took from that relationship with her. If it was just a couple of months, yeah, I'm sure she would move on faster. But if it was a long term relationship, it might take her longer to move on. Then again, it totally depends on the person as well.
Some move on faster than others while the others dwell on the past for a period of time until they are ready to move on.
i've heard you should give it one week for each month, but i don't think there should be a set rule. (except for the one week rule, at least be a little sensitive to the other person.)
i think you should give yourself as much time as you need, don't rush to get back into the dating world. but at the same time, there's a point where you need to just suck it up and move on. it's pretty pathetic if you've been lying in bed stuffing your face and watching sappy romance movies for a month, over your two month relationship.
there aren't any rules to these sorts of things. it's just whenever it feels right.
in all respects, less mourning is better.
Whether it is too soon or not depends on her, and how she feels about getting back into dating.
When she's ready, she's ready.
People can't help what they feel, so she doesn't have to let guilt about being "over" her old relationship keep her from forming new friendships with males. Like you said, it's going to be a pretty harmless meeting, initially. It's not like something is absolutely going to develop.
If it was a mutual breakup I see no reason why there should be any "mourning." Accept it for what it was and move on.
don't even think about such things and just get on with your life.
These are some of the risks that are not taken by people who practice abstinence and don't equate dating someone to being in a relationship. Look ahead and think before each step. Sure it takes longer to find an SO. But in the long run, it saves time and heartache in finding your lifelong mate. By the time you get to the point of considering a serious relationship, doubts about this person don't occur anymore, because (s)he is already vetted and you both know that you fit together well enough that you will never have to worry about hurting each other or breaking up.
@steph - Lol I read somewhere that you're supposed to mourn about a third of the relationship. I just got dumped after a three year relationship...and no way in hell am I letting myself mourn for a year over that ass.
Anyways, I think whenever she thinks she's happy and healthy (emotionally), she should be fine. Some guys I date really do mean no more than "that cute guy I kissed for a while," and i know that they didn't mean anything to me, so I know that there's no harm in moving on and being open to new relationships right after.
@InTheThin@xanga - HA, I agree. Mourning someone for a year?! Really? Okay, if it was a marriage or something like an illness, I can understand. I also agree that she shouldn't limit herself if she's not ready and I'm not telling her to find another boyfriend or jump into another relationship. I just think she can meet people and she shouldn't feel guilty about meeting people.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga -
*agree*
It took me all of one week before I started becoming interested in this one girl after my ten month relationship with another. It helps if you're mad at your ex and there's a girl who understands the pain. Anyway, it's been about 3 months and I'm still without a lady friend, miss my ex from time-to-time, but am moving along nicely and more smoothly than I thought. Phew, growing up is nice.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Agreed
@steph - haha are you sure you read it, or saw it on sex in the city? :P There where i heard that from, anyways.
I just got out of a 3 year relationship, and it took me 1 week to have an interest in someone else. I wanted to get out of that relationship for a while, so I felt as if i was ready the next day, because i was just so excited to meet new people and see what else is out there.
depends on how good the relationship was.
Just because you weren't dumped doesn't mean that you can't mourn a relationship. If she's not ready to move on, she shouldn't. It should happen in HER time, not when someone else thinks she should.
@steph - i like that theory.
I think it depends on how comfortable you are with moving on. And if you feel you're ready too.
If she isn't ready to move on,then she shouldn't have to start dating but she shouldn't obsess over the ex either.
if the mourning period is longer than the length of the relationship, i think something is wrong.
I say she should hang out with that guy. She may not like him she may like him, whatever they won't go out like a day later it'll take time for her to accept him if she does like him. It's not moving on until ppl are boyfriend and girlfriend.