Wednesday, 23 September 2009
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Word Vomit -- Or Lack Thereof
First things first. I've never allowed myself to have any type of close relationship with a guy. Ever. I think it's because I'm just not comfortable with making myself so vulnerable. All my close friends are all girls. So when I met this genuinely nice, charming guy this past summer, I was surprised at how much chemistry we both shared. We instantly clicked.
Since our schedules were so conflicting at the time, we barely got to hang out with each other, but we still managed to stay in touch via the internet and phone calls. Sounds good, right? Now here's my problem. I haven't seen him in weeks now, and since we don't go to the same high school, we mostly just communicate through the internet. Now that summer's come to an end and fall and high school are back in action, it seems that although we're still talking online, we've run out of things to say to each other.
Recently, most of our conversations begin with "How are you?" and end with something along the lines of "Yeah. I'm really bored". I don't get it. I really like him and I hate that our conversations have become so dull. My friends are all telling me that after a few more weeks, he's just going to forget about me and concentrate on his school life.
Is our connection over? Can I expect him to cut me out of his life pretty soon?
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Comments (20)
if you don't click, you just don't click. You can't force chemistry between two people...
I understand. I am in a two year relationship that is currently LD. We are getting married in June and I still have these fears. Does he not find me interesting? Why doesn't he want to talk to me? What I would do is get deep with him. Google: questions every relationship should ask or something like that. Then find out his childhood memories and his feelings on religion and sex. If you are pouring your hearts out to each other (which isn't something guys do with most people) he will start really feeling like there is something between the two of you and he won't forget the girl he can talk about anything too.
well, you only had teh summer in common, but it seems that he's at least making the effort to contact you which i guess is better than no contact at all.
If you have a xanga, I am sure that you are riddled with ideas to write about. Use those ideas to communicate with him. Honestly, it's easy to talk to people, you just need to find something to talk about, which requires effort.
The relationship is over if you want it to be, not when he wants it to be. Okay, that's not exactly true, but be confident. If you want it to keep on going on, you will figure something out. If it is too much trouble, then that's too bad.
In my opinion, the best way to test his feelings for you is to bring up some serious issue in your life...Family problems, personal feelings about your life, something about yourself that makes you feel insecure, or whatever.
It means that you'll have to open up to him somewhat, but then you can gauge his reactions...If he tries to provide support or TLC (tender loving care), then he really is interested in you.
Bottom line: one of you two need to take the initiative to give yourselves something to talk about. Something serious, something beyond, "how are you?" and "I'm bored."It's actually proven that for relationships to keep stimulated it's best to each other once a month so you can build and grow together on shared experiences-- do everything you can hun to see him, it'll spark everything back.
sounds like he's losing his interest in you as time goes by.
If you really like him, talk on the phone, make plans to meet up, chat through a webcam (it can stay PG, despite what some others may think). If none of that works then that's that, you can't force attraction.
well first off, if you want to keep things rolling, don't say you're bored. ever. just bring up something you are or want to do.
Well, without any nuturing, any relationship is doomed to fail... So i totally see why you're nervous. But it doesn't necessarially sound like he's just going to drop you.. Its sounds more like your converstaions about boredom wont be enough to keep either of you at the computer instead of at the big game y'know? So umm.. why dont you just ask him to go out on a date? Really, an online relationship (much like what you have) is kinda bs... real life still happens outside of the computer, and as much as you would both like to sit there for hours and have mind blasting, riveting conversations, reality still dictates that you still have to do other things... so once again, your already flickering relationship has no fuel to keep burning... So get off the internet... Go to the movies... MAKE time to see each other. Because you guys will BOTH end up forgetting about each other otherwise.
I wouldn't say he's bored or will cut you off of his life soon, but it does take two parties to initiate and keep a conversation going on. Next time, get more personal into the conversation. Share your ideas or personal feelings about certain topics and try to get his view on it. Have an open discussion or debate about things that both of you agree and don't agree on. You'll be surprise how much you learn from it.
Not only that, suggest to hang out and actually meet each other in person to spark the online communication. That way you two can actually have something to reflect on and laugh about.
I've been talking to this guy for a bit. Our communication is mostly via text and online conversation. It amazes me how much we can talk and about anything with each other. Just be yourself. I always think it's easier to communicate with someone online than in person - for me, anyways. I tend to express myself better that way. Lol.
Something similar like this happened to me.
We just drifted apart.
Sometimes you can't help it.
It kinda sounds like he's losing interest.
Bring up random things. If conversation is dull,you make it sazzle and spark. Talk about all sorts of things,and if that doesn't work maybe he's not the best guy.
yeah if convo's get boring i always start to throw something totally random in. it usually keeps it funny and more interesting
alll what people wrote in here true. and can be true..but nobody say it is 100 %..
I can say only you don't keep him near computer if he is boring and you see any interest from him to speak,let's say to him Bye,,but good bye..something like this..
dear,i have some thigns to do or I promised to help my friend with cooking...reason that YOU...exactly you not him must to finish speak...I had much experiment with such relationsuhip before,believe me it must to work and he will more interested to make for u fun ...not u f..k ur head..
ALL TIME BE HAPPY!
Marina.Ukraine
It depends, he may be in just the same situation as you; wanting to keep your friendship and everything going, but not sure how to continue to keep the conversations going.
Me and my boyfriend talk on line all the time, we aren't talk-on-the-phone people, and instant messaging is our source of communication when we aren't around each other...To keep our conversations going when we got bored, we ask each other "random questions". It's pretty self-explanatory, whenever a question popped into our heads, we would ask ((You'd think after 7ish months of dating we would run out of questions, but no, not yet :) )). Make sure to set limits on how personal the questions can get though--me and my boyfriend are pretty open and didn't mind asking extremely personal questions to each other, but you may not be the same, especially because you two aren't dating. Some of the questions me and my boyfriend ask each other revolve around relationships such as "what would you do if...", and some about favourites, "whats your favourite season and why?" among many others. Try to keep them as thought provoking as possible, usually a whole new conversation can be started from just one of your questions or answers. :)
well during the summer, you dont have much to concentrate on, and when school starts, school life usually takes over
well, if you want to keep a coversation going, dont even start off by saying "how are you", "i am bored". i am currently in a long distance relationship myself, my boyfriend is in venezuela and i am in new york, hes not coming back until next year. about 2 weeks ago, we started running outta things to say to each other, solution? i usually tell him my doubts and fears and he understands them, and i never really start off by saying "how are you", i usually just tell him about my day, all the interesting things and family stuff. there are alot of stuf that you can talk about. i am a high school stutdent myself, and even though this school year is hard, it doesnt mean he will concentrate on school only. i believe these two can balance out.
if he really is interested in you, im sure he will keep the conversation going, if he doesnt, then hes worth it, is he?
I am currently going through the same thing. Met a guy, clicked right away, hung out a few times, but haven't seen each other in awhile because of conflicting schedules, we keep in touch though usually by texting or MSN. I find to keep the convo going, just talk about random things that happened that day, or about something thats on ur mind. You'd be surprised how just saying one simple thing can lead to an amazing conversation. Like for example, right now I am texting the guy i am talking about and our convo kinda stopped and we ran out of things to say, but he texted me a random question and now we are back to having good convo. If he is still making an effort to try and talk to you, i think you two still have hope :D