Tuesday, 22 September 2009
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We're Just Friends, Relax
I'm so torn. I feel that I've truly lost a friendship that was near and dear to me for the last nine years. Most of my friends have come and gone, used and abused our friendship, however my friend Steve has always been there for me. And I've been there for him as well. We've gone through a lot together. But always as friends. Nothing more. We went to baseball games, hung out, and played poker. I was there for him when he was overseas in the military, when his ex-fiance left him for another years ago, and now when he's getting married in a week. I want to be so happy for him, if only he seemed happy. He's been wanting this since we were freshmen in high school, talking about the big day he was going to marry the woman of his dreams. When I asked him if he's nervous or excited, his response is "I'm just ready." Not the response I would expect or hope from him.
His fiance and I have never met. She feels threatened by me because someone that was once a friend of his, that didn't know me either, said to watch her back. I'm in a happy, healthy, long-term relationship and plan on marrying this man that I'm with and that I love. She refuses to meet me, but hello, if you met me you would know that it's not like that, I'm actually a really good, friendly person and I just want my friend to be happy.
Consider me one of the guys. He's no longer allowed to hang out with me and our conversations have become a rarity. I miss my friend.
Why does gender matter? Why do women feel threatened by female friends?
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- From: pinkpeekaboo@xanga
- Name: pinkpeekaboo
- About Me: I don't like my screenname so I'm working on credits to change it. My stupid idea to use my favorite color and pet's name sounded good at the time. As far as blogging goes, sometimes I think I have really great ideas and other times I think I just need to vent.
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Comments (66)
Wow, that girl is really insecure. I guess there's nothing you can do except hope that she gets over her insecurities.
Meh, once the wedding is over and they're over honeymooning, you could just go over, knock on the door and if she answers be all "Hi, I'm ____, ____ friend. I don't want to fuck him, and we're just bffs. I really miss him, can he come out and not be coddled anymore?" I would.
seriously? ppl still wonder about this kind of thing?!
Why's she marrying your friend
If she's that insecure about his relationship with you?
[I'm assuming it's that relationship she's insecure about...]
@live_for_love@xanga - This would work in theory, and I am applauding in your general direction for the suggestion...
In reality however, she would most likely just slam the door on whoever said that about her new husband to be and act like a victim...he would probably never hear the end of it, and he would probably resent you in the long run for setting his delicate flower of a future wife off on him, then, I suppose if I had hours of tearful "don't you love me's" to look forward to, anyone would be irritated.
As someone who was once "there," I recommend letting it go for now, hopefully he will set things straight with his lady and you all can meet when its finally comfortable for her. Who knows? She may actually become a good friend as well!
sad. this has happened to me too. eventually my friend and his GF broke up with the girl cause he realized she was kind of ......... controlling.
i mean, we're dating now. but i really just wanted to be his friend, and her friend too. she met me once and decided she hated me.
i dont like to make hate.
Did your friend even tell her that you're just a friend and you're in a relationship with someone else?? Did he tell her there never was anything between you 2 at all? That sucks. I hate seeing friendships end over a significant other. Friends are supposed to be there no matter what. It's not right for someone to come in and take over.
I think it's fine, although I admit that I get more insecure if a boyfriend of mine had a freakishly hot female friend who didn't have the best of morals.
I stopped my ex from talking to this one female friend of his because he literally lied 50-150 times over the course of 3.5 years about what he did with her. He claims he never cheated, but considering how untruthful he was to me...I'm not sure anymore.
I suppose it doesn't matter since I realized I don't need people in my life who don't care enough about how they hurt me to change.
boo. that sucks so bad. >.<
Having friends outside of a relationship is great, really it is. Unfortunately in our society, gender really does matter. As long as women have insecurities (what woman doesn't), a guy having a female friend is going to cause conflict with whatever girl he is dating/going to marry. I'm sure I'm not speaking for the super independent, super confident chicks out there, but for the girls that try not to get insecure about something trivial as that, but do get insecure, it's a big issue. Then, when you get married, the marriage takes higher importance. Yes, even friends.
Think about it: when you get to having kids, that's when you're REALLY NOT going to have time for anything. Just work, kids, your marriage, and maybe a hobby or two here and there.
Not to sound boring here, but it's the truth. Just give it time, eventually she might open up to the idea.
It just sounds like she's insecure about their relationship, and you guys being so close just freaks her out.
Oh god, this is a reaccuring problem in my life.
But unfortunatly all the friends that this has happened with, told their girlfriends straight up that we're friends, and they can't "ban" him from seeing me.
So, I think your only option is to talk face-to-face to this girl. Make her realise how unreasonable she is being, and you know it wouldn't hurt to tell your friend how much it is hurting you that you're being treated like this. You're a god damn human being and you deserve his friendship as much as she deserves his love.
This shit boils my blood....
Wow, his fiancee, soon to be wife needs to grow up!
To me the girl just screams insecure, I mean maybe she could talk to her fiance about it, not just band you from seeing him. Or maybe she could hang out with you two when you's are hanging out together? But really I think what you should do is talk to her face-to-face and tell her what you think and tell her nothing is going on and nothing ever has gone on. Tell her "We're just friends, relax. I guess that means you can't have any guy friends either? Oh no you can, but since your so insecure I can't be friends with ___ anymore. What's your problem? Or is it just because your jealous of me?" That's what I'd do, anyways.
girls tend to feel insecure about relationships in general.. don't ever steal our bfs. lol knowing me
i would get highly upset. i was very insecure when i was in a relationship with my ex. i didn't want anyone to steal him away. i guess that it all deals with self-esteem issues too
women feel threatened because other women simply because women are notorious for stealing other peoples SO....especially the "best-girl friend"
i know what his fiance feels... however i would of wanted to meet you before jumping to a conclusion.
oh god, i know exactly how you feel...my bestie's all ex-gfs (and maybe current one too) were so "jealous" of me! i was like whaaaat? me and him are close friends and we share everything with each other and after break up, ofcourse he'd come talk to me because im his friend, so why go around saying oh he's with his best friend, or that i should stay away from him. just because he talks to me more than he talks to you? Uh, lame-o. i hate girls who are so insecure
lol i just think they all need to grow up.
Most of my closest friends have been guys and I've had issues like this with their girlfriends. A lot of girls feel threatened by their guys having female friends. Some grow out of it, some don't. But if this girl is going to marry your friend she should stop being immature about the situation and at least give you a chance to introduce yourself. If you've been friends for nine years and you haven't made a move on him then she should realize you really are just friends and nothing more.
I'd meet you in a heartbeat just to stake my claim, but i wouldn't be comfortable with your friendship. i would want to be that woman is his life--not you.
I had the same problem, and unfortunately I am no longer friends with the person. I felt betrayed that he had chosen his girlfriend over me, and at the same time I was angry that he allowed her to sway his feelings. They ended up breaking up last year, but when he reached out to me I shut him out. I couldn't forgive him for deserting me after so many years of friendship.
I hope your situation turns out better. Explain to your friend that you're concerned about his happiness.
@Mary - Agreed.
It's probably more her thinking she's getting married to him, so she's going to be all he should need.. no other women in his life outside of family.
I constantly have this same problem. It really sucks. I'm actually going through it right now in all honesty. It really sucks. At the same time though, I know in every relationship I have been in, there has been 1 or 2 "girl friends" that I didn't like. I just didn't dig the vibe they'd send me. I always always met them first though because I jumped to any conclusion of the sort, but some made me uncomfortable. I would never, ever tell him he couldn't hang out with her or speak to her though. Because I am mainly friends with all guys, I wouldn't want that being said to me. The only time I ever even say if I don't like the girl is if she honestly does something that over steps the boundaries.
The situation I'm in now sucks really bad too because it's my best friend and his girlfriend. His girlfriend swears up and down we have feelings for each other, (which we don't, he's so head over heels for this girl it's ridiculous and im dating HIS best friend) and it's gotten to the point where she doesn't want us being friends on facebook, myspace, or anything of the sort, he's not allowed to speak my name in front of her, and anything we do together has to be out in public and with a group of at least 5. It's the most ridiculous thing ever. He's finally starting to stand up against her, but he still follows most of the rules she gives him about me. I really try hard to like all my guys' girlfriends, but some of them make it nearly impossible (such as this one).Oh. and she has never met me either.
I just ride it out. Because either he'll realize what a great friend he's losing or you'll realize maybe he wasn't the great friend you thought he was.
well you were first in his life technically so If you had any interest in him you would have made ur move and claimed him but u dont so she should see that ur not out to get him considering how long u two have been friends. I think she should have given you at least a chance to get to know each other. what i dont understand is when other girls come to a guy that's taken and acts like she's been there longer in his life than you are. That's the only time I would feel threaten bc my bf is actually my best friend and taking that away fr me aint right.
I dont like when people are given an ultimatum....its kinda wrong
you two don't have a past, do you? wow. says alot about how much she trusts him, too.
his response is "I'm just ready." <--- that makes me worry.