Monday, 21 September 2009
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"Things Change"
When your SO mentions that, it sucks really hard. It makes you feel if the relationship is ending soon.
I'm in a LDR for a yr and half now, things had been great until recently where we had a fight over something small. After the fight, everything changed. Our long conversations at night shrink into 5 or 10 minute phone calls. It felt as she stop trying and for some reason, slowly I stop trying. We stop communicating for a week, I wanted to see if she would call me. She didn't. So I decided to text her normal morning text, she text back " I thought you forgot about me." After a few texts, I asked her why she don't she called, it was because I stopped.
I called her that night, again it was not our normal talks. Lasted 5 minutes. I text her "It feels different" she acknowledges it and reply "Things change" and I wanted to talk about it but she wouldn't because it was late even its our normal time we stay up.
It feels that she stopped trying, I want to try but a relationship is a give and take... I trying but I'm stuck on what to do.
Any advice?
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- From: aZNDarkestZero@xanga
- About Me: The depths of the soul is endless, searching in the soul takes a whole lifetime..... Im jus a viet guy down in ATL jammin on my guitar, hangin wit friends, discoverin life...the usual stuff
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Comments (40)
Sigh. I feel a lot like this. I talk to my boyfriend about it and somehow he manages to convice it's just in my head.
ok first off nigga how far apart do u live if its far yeah its gonna be hard but u gotta pull through if shes da one and secondly if you really wanna keep her just wait till one day she leasts expect it and pour your fuckin heart and guts out to her cus doin that shows her that you do care and dont want it to end just pull through it man u can do it and btw when you are with her show her that she's the most important thing in your life if shes isnt then i think there is something wrong with yo damn head honestly and u should just stop where your at if shes not i know im sounding harsh but its the truth so get it right, and just go for it u got nothin to lose honestly just for bein true to yourself and the ones you love
i thought LDR is easy when i was with my ex but then i was wrong.
He did not like it and he could not wait for it.
We met once in 9 months of being together.
That's why he cant stop himself when a gurl asked for sex before we break.
SO we really break because he said the girl can give him what he want and i cant.
well, first of all, stop being negative about it. i think once you get in the mindset that things ARE different in a bad way, you fall into a downward spiral fed by her doubts and your own insecurities. keep things positive (change can be a good thing), and good luck.
Unfortunately, there's only two ways to approach this situation.
1. Break up
2. Make things work.
I've been in a LDR w/ my boyfriend for 6 months now. We had a rough patch. He even told me he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. I told him I hated him. We had our petty fights over the silliest of things. It was just the stress of the distance weighing down on us. We made it work because we knew it was worth to make it work.
You and your girlfriend have to come to that realization. Is it worth it or should we split apart? It has to be a decision that BOTH parties must come to.
I wish you the best of luck. I know a long distance relationship is emotionally taxing.
Maybe you shouldn't stop trying just because she has. Try to make it work and if she doesn't start making an effort in return then end it.
mmm...your relationship should, in my eyes, be more important than one night's worth of sleep. but, it helps to have a clearer view the next morning, I suppose. don't wait to talk to her today.
I hate to be negative....but that does NOT sound good. She is starting to lose interest. The "symptoms" are typical....fighting over something small, having the attitude of "well, i'm not gonna call and gonna see if he calls me", and lastly, sending a text like "things change."? Not great.
If I were you, I wouldn't propagate any negative feelings with any negative feelings of your own. If she's just having doubts, there's no need to feed those doubts. Be positive. Maybe say you've been in a little funk lately but that you love her and want to make it work. Or maybe send her an email expressing your feelings. All positive tho.....no "what happened?" stuff.
If she is just having doubts, you will help alleviate those doubts by showing her that you love her. If she doesn't respond well....she may have already given up or even possibly found interest in someone else.
But I'd assume the best for now and just try to make it work. (of course, I doubt I'd ever even try a LDR..... the success rate of LDRs are like 2.147%!)
My question for you is...do you see yourself moving to her location to be with her on a permanent basis? What about the other way...will she move to your city/town to be with you for the long run? If you guys never thought about this route and you don't feel it progressing toward that point, it's no point to even try to make it work.
It takes two to tango. It doesn't matter who started to 'stop trying', both should be able to lose face once in awhile and to initiate a conversation or to make it work out.
@LynnoLum@xanga - :( :( :( :( I'M SOOOOOO sorry...i kind of know know it feels....don't worry. stay smiling..he's not worth it for saying shit like that anyways...
sounds like both parties have been stubborn after the argument, and now it's suffering because of it. Who cares who makes the first move in trying harder, just as long as the outcome is that you two are ok again.
Sounds like a big talk about feelings or a big gesture is in order...
What exactly changed? Just because of one small argument? Very odd, but I guess those things can just be a trigger that snowball.
It sucks when that happens :/ Happened to me.
In my best/worst relationship, I feel like this ONE LITTLE MOMENT changed the entire dynamic. I was just a little too sensitive in a vulnerable place, and it turned into something it shouldn't have and took the whole relationship with it.
(Bad ending.)
They just happen.
But you should try and talk about it, I guess, unless things have changed that you're just not motivated enough to keep trying anymore...I guess that's a sign.
neither of you are trying anymore, but instead are trying to force an awkward relationship out of what you said was a trivial argument. either you guys move past that fight, stop playing these games, and things will get better or you just stay in this awkwardness.
Thats why I really hate LDRs. It eventually turns into a power struggle where one person tests the other person in order to see who snaps and breaks into the "realm of jerk" first.
I has in a LDR recently but for only 5 months and it turned into one of those "saying you're busy when you're really not" kind of things on both sides... to the point where I was like like. if we are struggling to talk to one another only 2-3 days out of the week and were making excuses to get of the phone early and promising to call each other back and DONT or we can't manage to have a long talk without some silly argument popping off then we need to chat about what we're doing here and if its worth hating each other in the long run if we stay together or try to salvage a friendship and end the relationship.
A year and a half is a LONG TIME. How long were you and her seeing each other before it was long distance?
I think both of you need to find some time and talk about it. Try to figure out what's changed on her end that makes her not want to spend time with you anymore. I've been through that, both the receiving and giving end. If both of you want the relationship, then you'll find something to make it work. The main thing right now is communicating. If she really is busy, write a letter. I say letter because it's something that's more personal than an e-mail. I hope things work out for your.
Sometimes it's just one person changes and they don't realize it. If one of you thinks the relationship is too different in a bad way, then the other can't do anything about it.
Regardless if the relationship was a long distance one or not, if both parties want it to work, IT WILL WORK. If one gives up or think her sleep is more important than her relationship, it should tell you something.
Communication is key to a relationship. You two have a lot of things to talk about.
@LynnoLum@xanga - so he wanted sex, go figure.
@Binh_Bong@xanga - wow. it's you. lOl...what? it's a female. i'm sure.
IF talk doesn't sway, walk away
LDR is something I can never seem to understand why people do it. Of course things change, esp. after a year and half later, you guys didn't fight before and now it's unfamiliar territory. But you can't just stop trying after ONE little fight, hmm? For some reason, women like it when a guy keeps trying, even if she's not doing much to make a difference. What, her fingers are broken? She can't text YOU first but when you follow the same protocol, she argues she stopped because YOU did? I don't get that... Yeah, we (women) like to be chased after, wooed, and courted but there is a time and a place for that too and if she isn't willing to do the work then she shouldn't automatically expect YOU to do it because you're a guy and she's a girl. God, I hate that excuse.
IF talking has become hard for you two to handle, I suggest you write a full and comprehensive email, trying to explain your perspective, feelings and current situation. If she doesn't even bother reading and/or replying, then maybe you guys need a breather. It might backfire and things could just END that way too, but anything would be better than some funny ambiguous limbo situation, no?
Good luck dude.
this feels too close to home. to me, it was a sign that the end of the relationship was near and i either had to accept it or fight it. i fought it was a while, but it wasn't going anywhere so i let him go because he wanted something different. i know it sucks to realize that the end is coming, but once you make that decision, you'll see it too.
It's understandable. Depending on how old the both of you are, you may be at an age where life is changing for both of you and you are both becoming the people you are supposed to be.
It does suck, and I understand your situation. Currently, my boyfriend of 4 years and I are going through this... thing, for the lack of a better word. We both graduate from college in the spring and plan on moving out of state. We moved in together in June, and I love living with him. But we get in spurts where he thinks I am angry with him and I think he is angry with me, but neither of us are angry... so you just have to communicate. Communication is key to keeping a healthy relationship.
Good luck! I hope it all works out. If not, just remember: Everything happens for a reason! :)
Good luck bro. You could surprise her one day with just some flowers and stuff to let her know you still care, and you two could have some coffee and talk things out. But talking on the phone works too. If you wanna know what's up, be firm and tell her that y'all need to work this out before it goes any worse.
Ah, I know that feeling :/.
Either talk it out, work it out, or break up.