Sometimes, when you have courage, people will say, "You have heart." I was with a friend today, who opened my eyes to a very widely known problem with girls
and guys nowadays. Why is everybody so darn shy?
This friend of mine, who we will call "May," is having a problem. A problem that I've had in the past and a problem that I'm sure many other people have every day. She's afraid of telling this guy that she has a crush on him, outright. She decided to take a strange approach to it, and I was thinking, "Idiot! You're going to make it worse!"
This girl is very self-conscious; she's got no confidence in herself and she's that kind of girl that acts crazy in public and around friends and school peers, but is really kicking herself on the inside for being like that because she's shy in nature, and it shows every once in a while.
She went on MySpace, and told this kid in his truthbox application, which lets you leave anonymous comments to other people with the application, in her words, "It's funny, because I know you don't care. But I've 'liked' you for almost a year and counting."
My reaction? *facepalmed*
I couldn't believe she didn't realize what this would cause. It's not THAT tragic, but just... not helping her at all.
Now, he's been posting bulletins, asking "Who left that in my truth box? I want to know." and "I'm interested."
Instead of telling him, outright, like he has asked in said bulletins, she hides, still, only commenting anonymously on the truth box post.
The conversation was something of him saying he didn't care and he just wanted to know. But she said something like, "You don't want to know, trust me. I don't want to mess up our friendship."
So, here's the jolly ol' part where I ask you a question, and you guys comment it with your opinion, and yeah-- let's get down to it.
a)
Why are people so shy of telling their 'crushes' that they're crushing? b)
Why, when the other person is told, do they ignore the person that 'likes' them? c)
What are some tips to get over this fear of opening up?
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Comments (33)
Remembering that if he doesn't like you, it's not the end of the world. Easier said than done though.
A) People are afraid of being hurt. I think a problem anymore is that people have been groomed to believe they're all special snowflakes and if somebody rejects them, well, they're not so special anymore, are they? Plus, rejection just plain sucks.
B) My guess would be if you ignore somebody who told you they liked you, it's because you don't like them in return. The person thinks "oh, if I just ignore the problem, it'll go away. This is much nicer than telling that person "no, I don't like you".
C) Eh, this sort of advice always kind of pisses me off because it's not the same for everybody. I just go with "The worst that can happen is that they say no. That won't kill you. Put your big girl panties on and go with it" but that's not particularly helpful.
I like this guy too and I was also too afraid to tell him. I was talking to a friend about it and his sister saw and told the guy herself. Ah.. so embarrassing. But problem solved :P
a) Why are people so shy of telling their 'crushes' that they're crushing?
Because they're afraid to get hurt, but they don't want to mess up the relationship that may already have. Also, they don't know which route to take to tell them (everyone likes to be approached or told differently)
b) Why, when the other person is told, do they ignore the person that 'likes' them?
Because they don't feel the same way, or they're keeping their options opened.
c) What are some tips to get over this fear of opening up?
Practice opening up with people without being too harsh or lovey dovey.
a) Why are people so shy of telling their 'crushes' that they're crushing?
People don't like being rejected.
b) Why, when the other person is told, do they ignore the person that 'likes' them?
Person is embarassed.
c) What are some tips to get over this fear of opening up?
Take some liquid courage. Grow a pair of balls. Just risk it outright, go skydiving and troll over message boards.
Lul myspace.
I'm on the same boat!!!! I really really like this guy but I don't wanna ruin our friendship.....
Like many have stated before, people are afraid of admitting their
feelings to their crushes due to the fear of rejection. Sometimes, due
to how society can effect us, it can be embarrassing to admit liking
someone in the first place, or even a certain person. You've probably
seen it happen. You'll tell your friends and you get the "Nooo, not
him, are you for real?" reaction as if you just told some type of joke.
Some people are afraid of the pain that comes with rejection, not
knowing that in most cases, pain is what helps you learn and grow as a
person. There are people that spend so much of their time and effort
avoiding any feelings of pain that they either end up hurting
themselves anyway or leaving themselves defenseless when there is no
way to avoid being hurt.
As far as the problem of ignoring the
issue, I'm not quite sure why. I'd say it's either their immature of
trying to get them to stop liking them or the inability to figure what
to do in such a situation especially if that person doesn't like the
confessor back.
My tip: take a risk, step out of your comfort zone! It always expands the further you tread from it.
Everyone fears rejection.
a) Why are people so shy of telling their 'crushes' that they're crushing?
timing could be wrong, rejection is a motherfucker, if this is someone you're already hanging out with/friends with/or is a co-worker sometimes putting it out there might not be good for the dynamic you already have... but mostly, rejection haha
b) Why, when the other person is told, do they ignore the person that 'likes' them?
they're afraid they might ruin what you both had before hand, they're just not into you like that, bad timing, they're picking themselves apart asking "why me" as if they arent good enough for you to be interested, maybe they just got out of a relationship recently or just flat out love being single... but mostly because theyre just not that into you haha.
c) What are some tips to get over this fear of opening up?
nothing. there is nothing you can do to get over it that is going to magically work over night. you have to get rejected on smaller levels first a few times before you can handle a huge blow like getting rejected by someone you actually know who you've been crushing on. like go to a club and hit on someone that looks CLEARLY out of your league... that way if you assume the answer is going to be no whats the fear in just having fun and talking to new people.
Some people just have that personality where rejection doesnt fit into their psyche and with dating they just dont have it. they could get dumped over and over and over, and worse and worse and worse/rude ways.. and they'd bounce back like it was nothing(those people are annoying as hell haha) while others have that anxiety of "holy shit whats going to happen? what if he/she laughs? what if they're grossed out?" If you're thinking these things about yourself dating someone should be the least of your concerns. I dunno though, this is tough. Im 26 and im still mad shy around women i really really dig. Everyone else though... you can be SUPER hot, but if you're not my style or if we talk and your conversation is typical and just not interesting I can run up on you and talk and flirt NO problem or stress or nervousness whatsoever because i dont care about the longrun or the "what ifs".
This week, I HAD HEART. For the first time in my life...and you should tell your friend that once her feelings are out, she will feel eliberated and won't feel any regrets about saying what she felt. Whether the friendship is ruined or not, well that's a risk she will have to take. See, I was talking to this most amazing guy who meant more to mean than anyone ever did after a month. We finally met (he lives in a different country) and during one month we spent the 4 most beautiful days ever and I knew he felt for me what I did ( I mean who takes home a girl he is not serious about? ). And then when I left, we kept in touch through emails until one day he stopped. Completely. For 2 months I didn't hear from him except for 2 times we chatted as if we were old buddies..it killed me inside. Then I went to his country but didn't tell him. After I left, I sat down and wrote everything my heart has been feeling. I couldn't believe I had the courage to send it to him. I think it took me too long because even though he sent me a beautiful email saying he compares other girls to me and that he won't let me go because we are great together...a friend of mine told me she saw him holding hands with a girl. I haven't been myself since I heard. It hurts A LOT. Kinda reminds me of my first boyfriend holding hands with a girl a day after he broke up with me.
BUT even though he has someone else and apparently still thinks highly of me...I feel that it was the best thing I have ever done in my life because now I feel so confident in myself. I feel that if I was able to put my heart on the line, well there's nothing that can hurt more than that. So you tell your friend, that confidence comes when you are able to say what you feel.
"Why are people so shy of telling their 'crushes' that they're crushing?" ... Because they're afraid of getting hurt and being rejected.
If the other person ignores the one who likes him/her, then it probably means that s/he is just not that into him/her.
Tips to getting over fear of opening up:
- Practice opening up your feelings to friends, family, etc.
- If the person you like is worth it, then it should be worth it to be honest with them about your feelings.
- Know that it's okay to be scared.
- Understand that there are worst things in this world than rejection.
- And if you do get rejected, there is somebody else out there for you.
a) Why are people so shy of telling their 'crushes' that they're crushing?
According to me, who feel shy of telling their crushes are may be conscious about their appearance that they have a fear of personality difference, or may be they think that their crush will make a fun of them or they can end their friendship if their crush don't have any interest in them...
b) Why, when the other person is told, do they ignore the person that 'likes' them?
Well, it will sound funny, but I have seen some of them "ignore" the person because when they come to know that someone has a crush on them they consider themselves very important and just want to show-off that this is not a new thing for them without understanding that how much this can hurt the other person... Or they just want to know how much the person really like them or care about them...
c) What are some tips to get over this fear of opening up?
Simple and straight: there are no tips to get over the fear of opening up... I may sound foolish but I can give a great lecture on self-motivation and confidence or can provide you different methods to gain self-confidence but confidence cannot be introduced to a person, it is the only thing a person has to gain by himself, nobody can help you in developing your confidence and character...
haha, your friend is funny and i remember being like that. i had a crush on a guy in high school, and instead of telling him i would act all weird and stuff. this way i could get his attention without being forward or anything. no surprise, it never got me anywhere. but i did eventually tell him (after the fact) and he was actually very cool about it and told me that i shouldnt second guess myself. so to answer your questions
a) fear of rejection
b) it could be awkward for them, especially if they don't feel the same way
c) i think its a process. maybe she could talk to this person w/o expectations. just stay cool and see what happens.
I never really understood the point in liking someone and not telling them. my one friend liked this guy for 4 YEARS before she told him. and then they dated for 6 months... turns out he was an ass. but she would have never had the chance without telling him.
I usually get shy around people I don't know, but I don't have crushes on people I don't know so that's never really been a problem for me. I think if you don't feel comfortable around a person then they probably aren't the person you are meant to be with. That's just me though.
Don't know what to tell you, if she doesn't want to tell and wants to live her life ruining opportunities..so be it.
But I think she's making it worse by still telling the person anonymously but stubbornly not telling him...it's like she's making it a big stink about it.
.. sounds immature.
ugh it is sooo hard to tell crushes that you like them! It's scary. what if he/she tells you they don't like you? lol. of course there is always that possibility and then there is always the possibility that they'll say that they do like you. oh dear. it's too much! lol. I'm that shy person soo....I've got nothing advice-wise.
a) Why are people so shy of telling their 'crushes' that they're crushing? Because sometimes their confession may end up ruining the friendship they already have. Its happened to me before. And because possible rejection hurts and causes some people to clam up, its not the end of the world if you get denied, but it still hurts the same whether you get over it or not.
b) Why, when the other person is told, do they ignore the person that 'likes' them? Because those people are immature and perhaps don't know how to best handle the situation. Its people like this that cause people in a) to be so shy in some cases.
c) What are some tips to get over this fear of opening up? What do you have to lose? When I was younger, a friend taught me to open up with some tough love. She was walking with me and my crush and she told him I had something I wanted to tell him and then she held me in place so I couldn't run away and I told him how I felt because I knew that was the only way she'd let me go. I was mortified and the words weren't coming out right, but we were going to graduate and go off to different schools (this was junior high) so I figured why not, probably won't see much of him after this anyway if I fail. He and I are still friends to this day even though he turned me down that day. Life is short and it constantly changes when you least expect it, so you should open up as much as you can. If your friendship is ruined by your feelings then there are plenty of other people in this world who would make better friends, the exception I have to make on this is if you're crushing on someone who is already in a relationship or who likes someone else - you'll have to accept the possibility that your crush may not want to be with you or that your feelings may make them a bit uncomfortable. Tough, but its life.
Btw, I'm not saying this to be mean, but what your friend did is stupid and fucked up. She has no idea what this guy thinks and now he'll probably think someone is toying with him for the fun of it. She needs to confront him and admit that she's the one that said that. And she might want to apologize for the way she did it. How can she say that he doesn't care? If he really doesn't care then there was no point to her doing that in the first place. As I said above, life is short, instead of dragging out this secret crush, she should just come out in the open and see where things go from there.
a) They're scared they are setting up their heart for heartbreak. / Even if they aren't 'serious' yet, to find out a little crush isn't interested in you still hurts. You become self-conscious and second guess yourself. b) Either they aren't interested or they don't know what to say. c) Be able to accept yourself (flaws and all) before you expect someone else to.
This is all based on personal experience.
I'm trying to work up the courage right now! I will... one day.
Rejection's not fun :(
it's the fear of rejection that stops them from telling that person that they like that person.
it's part of being young and learning. you've really never done anything like that? i've grown yeah; but i used to.....actually i doubt i would have even done that, i just wouldnt ever tell. but i'm still very subtle when it comes to things like that. you really can't just walk up to someone and be like "hey - you + me = lets get it on! sound good?" idk. its just part of learning to be socially proper. on her part, with a bit of fear of the unknown and lack of experience.
a) Why are people so shy of telling their 'crushes' that they're crushing?
rejection hurts. Plus since they're friends, what if it mess up the friendship?
b) Why, when the other person is told, do they ignore the person that 'likes' them?
they don't know how to handle the situation
c) What are some tips to get over this fear of opening up?
You just gotta go for it. Tell yourself that it's now or never. That if she won't tell him now, then what if he moved away tomorrow or something like that. Would she regret not telling him? If she will, then well, now or never.