Sunday, 20 September 2009
-
Power Plays in Relationships
When you're single there's always the game you have to play. But in a relationship, there's still a game you need to play too.
Have you realized that whoever cares the least in the relationship has the most power and control? It's a sad realization when you come and see it. It seems that in a relationship you have to have invested a lot but just a bit less than the SO to avoid being controlled or decisions being against you.
How does this make sense? I'm starting now to play it to avoid being Mr. Nice guy. Has everyone else play this game?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
- From: aZNDarkestZero@xanga
- About Me: The depths of the soul is endless, searching in the soul takes a whole lifetime..... Im jus a viet guy down in ATL jammin on my guitar, hangin wit friends, discoverin life...the usual stuff
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 2372 Comments: 0 70 View all posts by aZNDarkestZero@xanga
Comments (31)
Sometimes I feel like I should but I am just too nice to do that I think me and my SO try and be as equal as possible to avoid hurting each other. However sometimes things do get out of hand and I do try and have the upper hand on the situation and I say "I don't care" just to take that bit of control back for myself. This is a hard thing to play and games are never easy when it comes to playing the heart.
Ha, come to think of it, you're right. I've played both games, but can also "counter-play" someone's game and turn it around on them. It isn't always about who cares the least, but sometimes about who's stronger and more assertive.
I absolutely hate being the one who's just a little more into the relationship...I think a little too much, but I mean, it keeps me guarded, right?
I'm ashamed to say, I'm not very good at playing these games, cause I seems to lose all the time, sigh~!
Who ever has the lowest sex drive in the relationship has the most control.
nah not in my relationship now. i used to; i still fear i'm supposed to play that way sometimes, but i just don't now. we truly love each other very much, and we both trust and show that we do. we were best friends for a long time and so far, attack every issue openly and honestly. i think those games are for relationships that are newer, scarier, or just less intimate?
Yup.
yeah
that makes perfect sense.
Yeah.
It's sad but it's true :/
So you better hope the person you care about won't take advantage.
@lapis_lazuli917@xanga - i agree.
I came across this quote that reminds me so much of how we humans play too many games when it comes to love. If only we could truly love one another with all we can without the whole power struggle and the games....the world might be a brighter place to live in.
Divine Comedy by Dante-
“The day that man allows true love to appear, those things which are well made will fall into confusion and will overturn everything we believe to be right and true. The world will become real when man learns how to love; until then we live in the belief that we know what love is, but we always lack the courage to confront it as it is. Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it , it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. This force Is on earth to make us happy, to bring us closer to God and to our neighbor, and yet, given the way we love now, we enjoy one hour of anxiety for every minute of peace.”
Ummm... agreed. Relationships are often power plays. My ex knew how to play the game very well. Maybe it was cause he had four relationships already and I had none.
uh huh.
It gets tiresome. Do it too much, and your "slave" will LEAVE - if they have an ounce of common sense and self-love.
The person who cares the least in a relationship has the most control because they aren't trying at all. There's no effort involved, so the person who actually does give a shit has to make twice as much effort, making them the one on the bad end. It seems contradictory. If you don't care about something, you're not going to invest your heart into it. But the person who does care...they've sacrificed more then just their heart, so they have everything to lose.
P.S. I think its sad you don't want to be Mr. Nice Guy anymore. I think the world needs more of them.
it's sad but so true that we still have to keep playing those ridiculous games with each other even if we're in a relationship with someone who we think we're in love with.
i just dont see why there's a need for this power play. it kidna sucks
I'd say my relationship is pretty equal; both of us are givers. So I guess we love each other equally, huh? =3
Mostly when one of us is in control we do it for the other's benefit: either because one wants the other to choose or to get a playful game started. :)
I have yet to make my blitz.
If you give and give, you become Mr. Nice Guy.... The guy you dread becoming so much, because in the end you will end up without the love and affection you will deserve. It seems as if the jerk will always win your girl's heart. If you stop giving, you will become the jerk. Being a jerk is against your nature. It is not who you are. :(
I've had this feeling too. In the end, I think it has not to do with what YOU do, but rather if SHE is interested in you. If she isn't, then there's nothing you can do to keep her, so you might as well stay the nice guy. Just be nice. Be assertive when you can, but don't be too protective.
Goo dluck
Yeah. But you can either let it worry you or keep it in mind for future reference and understanding. If something goes wrong then maybe that's why.
So annoying, but seems so true
I read this somewhere on someones bulletin. This is not mine so I do not take credit for it. However, I thought it fit perfectly with your blog so I had to post it.
"Love is not a game. When emotions are involved, love isn’t about
winning and losing. You can make silly bets about who’s more awesome,
or who is the cooler half. However, the lack of reminder to let someone
know that you care because you don’t want to give in because you’re mad
shouldn’t be a part of love. Communication is key. Don’t make petty
assumptions or jump to conclusions without taking the time to seriously
consider the other person; what they may be thinking or feeling, or how
they may react to the assumption. If you’re mad, don’t shut the other
person out. The problem may be killing them just as much as it’s
killing you. Don’t assume things will just blow over — talk them out.
Don’t let anger get the best of you. Don’t let fear keep you from
reminding the person you love that you love them, regardless of
everything. Don’t let the other person worry about you. Even if they’re
mad at you, they will still worry about you. If you truly love someone
and want to be with them, you’ll make the effort to make things work
because they’re worth it. You’ll try and talk. You’ll try and
understand. You’ll try and be considerate. You’ll try and let them know
that no matter what goes on/is going on…you love them through it all.
If you’re lucky enough to be in love and have that person love you too,
you’ve already won. Don’t make love, itself, a win-and-lose game."
This game is only played for a little while....a few years...
my husband n i have stopped playing this game.....