I've been reading a lot of research that talks about how divorced parents can affect a child's future relationships. The reason I'm interested in this is because my parents recently told me that they are getting separated, & I'm curious as to how my parents' failed relationship might affect my own relationships.
A lot of statistics seem to support the idea that children of divorce have a hard time with relationships later in life. Personally, I feel as if watching my parents relationship suffer & eventually fail has been almost beneficial to my learning about relationships. By this point in my life, at 18, I feel as if I know exactly what I do & don't want in a partner. One particular study
, however, says that
"The higher rates of divorce in adult children of divorce seem to stem from pessimistic behavior and attitudes acquired from living in a family of high parental conflict and from living in a broken home. Many reasons could account for the lower levels of trust and poorer skills for dealing well with conflict with a future or present spouse. Some of the theories behind the pessimism include the lack of an appropriate role model for a good marriage and a greater willingness to let divorce become an option for dealing with marital conflict. With these results in mind, the divorce rates of adult children of divorce might be lowered through finding good models, raising levels of trust, and finding methods of solving conflict other than divorce. Perhaps further studies on the qualities of long-lasting marriages of people with divorced parents will lend more help to those struggling with this issue. "Another online source
"Adult children of divorce lack a healthy ``Couple Template," or model of marital partnership. They carry the template of the relationship between their parents into adulthood and use it to seek the image of their new family. The absence of a good image negatively influences their search for love, intimacy, and commitment. Anxiety leads many young adults into making bad choices in relationships, giving up hastily when problems arise, or avoiding relationships altogether. "
Just because my parents were not the ideal couple doesn't mean I don't know what a good, healthy relationship looks like. I've observed qualities in other couples that I would like to see in my own relationships. Also, like I said before, I've learned what not to do through my parents. I definitely don't quit when things get rough, which is something my boyfriend can attest to. I rarely give up on a person. I have had few uber close relationships, but the ones I've got have been long-lasting and resilient.
What do you think? Are children of divorced parents necessarily doomed in their own relationships?