Sunday, 20 September 2009
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Leaving the Nest
So many young people are moving out of the house. I mean I'm young. I just turned18 and I'm still in high school, but I wouldn't mind moving in with my boyfriend right about now. But I do think it would be a lot of work with bills and worrying about things like that. Basically I think I'm afraid to grow up.
But then again it wouldn't be a bad experience. A lot of young people get out on their own. Recently I was over my friend's new house and it was very nice. She recently "left the nest," as I call it, to live with her boyfriend. It was clean and nice and great, but the thing is they have been living on pizza till they get groceries. I guess that's good; it's a start and it's cute.
How soon is too soon to move in together?
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- From: showyofours@xanga
- About Me: My name is Marion, I'm 18, Im full of ambition and determination. Im strong headed and goal oriented... One of a kind . I take life as it comes at me. i'm just trying to find an answer.. i'm sweet and caring
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Comments (22)
In my opinion, it's never too soon.
As long as the relationship is healthy, stable, and heading down a good path, everything will be just fine. Also as long as both sides of the couple has already thought and planned about the budget, it'll be even better.
Honestly, I don't feel ready to move in with my boyfriend of 4 years. Until I feel like I can take care of myself (i.e. job, school etc.), then I won't feel ready to move in with someone else. I don't want to be completely rely on someone if I can't take care of myself. Even if we were both working stable jobs, it would still be difficult since we may have to put education to a back seat. I know it can be done since other couples are capable of doing this, but it doesn't hurt to wait.
I'd definitely say having a stable income would be the perfect time...
'Love will prevail all' is bullshit; you need money to sustain it too.
I am at the opposite end of the spectrum...here is what I suggest to my 17 yo.
Save up money and make sure you can make it on your own. I know you don't want to think that you will break up but moving in changes the way a relationship works and you don't want to feel caught with no way out. Make sure you have a job that will pay for all your own bills as well as know how to cook. (He needs to know how to cook as well) Then if you both view money in the same way....procede as you will. Never loose who you are and never loose sight of who your SO is and realize he won't change for you but he will change over time...including you.
There is a lot more that I tell my son but I won't write a Tome here.
Honestly it depends on your situation, If you know you wont be financially set - or barely cutting it (in other words, if you got stuck paying rent by yourself, could you do it) . make sure you have emergency money saved. If you can stay with the parents while going to school or a dorm, do it. Think about your priorities, you know? Its one of those Hope for the best, Plan for the worst situations otherwise.
bf & i dated for 2 months before we moved in together.
haven't looked back since :)
I'm moving out in just under a week i'm 19 and the although its exciting its also scary as hellÂ
holy crap. you're 18. i know i hated hearing this when i was your age, but i'm going to say it anyway...you still have a few years of growing up to do. life isn't all shits and giggles when you're paying your own bills.
you're only 18.. if you're planning on going to college, you really shouldn't move in with him. i personally don't think anyone should "leave" the nest until they're capable of getting a "real" job and paying bills.
1. Do you make enough money to support yourself? Could you, if necessary, cover rent by yourself if your SO was hurt and unable to work, or if you two broke up?
2. As the a previous commenter asked, is college in your future? If you're planning on going to college that's more than a short drive away, it would make more sense to build up your savings while you can--being in college full time and working full time is not fun.
If you want to move in with him and think you can handle it, go for it. But also consider this: Being a kid, not worrying about bills, shopping and cleaning--you only get to do that for a few more years, anyway. Why not enjoy it a little longer? Not feeling ready to move out when you're 18 doesn't mean that you're afraid to grow up, it just means you're treading cautiously.
FINISH HIGH SCHOOL FIRST!!!
If you move in with your boyfriend, it's going to be a lot harder to make yourself go to school everyday. And you need to graduate. Move out the day of graduation if you want to, but moving now is a really bad idea.
Regardless, good luck with whatever you decide.
Here's my thinking: if you want to move out on your own, fine. But it would be better to move into your own place than move in with your boyfriend. Have that experience to be your own person. You're going to grow and change so much between now and the time you're 25. At your age, even if you feel ready, I'd seriously think about it. Living together is one step away from marriage. Are you ready for that? Because, speaking from experience, if you live with someone, you basically become his wife and he your husband (at least, you begin acting that way.) I lived with my husband for three years before marrying him, and honestly, the only thing that changed was my last name. We'd basically been in the husband and wife roles for a while before our wedding.
The only thing I regret about moving in with my husband is that I never got the chance to live on my own. It would have been a good experience for me. And, honey, at the time, I was 23 when I moved in with him. I was a completely different person than I was at 18. So keep that in mind. If things don't work out, or you two grow apart, it's a whole lot harder to leave someone when you're living together. A whole lot harder.
Just my two cents. But I think that some time spent on your own would be a great thing. Naturally, he'll probably be over all the time...but it will still be your own space. And it will be a great experience that you'll be thankful for in the long run.
-Katie
Yeah, I agree with some of the above commenters. Having a stable income is the most important part to moving out- after that, as long as your boyfriend isn't the type to flake out on paying bills, and leave everything to you, it's never too soon.
I wouldn't move in with my SO until we were engaged and only a few months until our marriage. As for you, you're ONLY 18 and you have yet to graduate! Don't you think this might put some sort of a strain on your performance in school? I'd say wait until you at least graduate if you REALLY want to move in with him...
I'd wait a while, we both don't have jobs at the moment and have rather good family relations. Plus I'm only 16 (17 in two weeks) and I'm in my final year of high school, while he's in his first year of college. We're already going through enough changes and stressful things!
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - agreed, full-heartedly.
please focus on something else. if you must due to whatever reason, and i mean MUST, then do it when you have a JOB. but even before that, GO TO COLLEGE.
living together is NOT the same as dating someone. im still at home, but i have heard one too many times from adults that they wish they had taken advantage of living at home more/longer before they moved out; and i agree with that, and i am :) but of course, that doesn't mean mooching off your parents, that's another story. learn to be an adult while living at home, because if you screw up, your parents will still help you out.
i've never lived with a bf before and don't plan to until the relationship is stable and we're engaged. i guess i just feel like if i don't plan to have a future with this person, i don't want to make that kind of a commitment. i don't like giving people false hope that it's going to work out when i'm not planning long term with them. also, a lot of my friends moved in with their so's and only after a few months, they broke up and went their own separate ways because it was just for convenience. you may think it's easy now because you're young and you don't want live with your parents and you want to spend more time with your bf, but it's not like that when you actually do. even though i've never lived with any of my bf's, i would spend the night there about 3 or 4 times a week, when it was time to come to my own home, i couldn't wait to get home. but that's just me.
the *idea* of moving out and living on your own or away from family might seem nice, but it's A LOT of responsibility. try making a list of pros and cons when you're living on your own and with your parents. think about money, school, and responsibilities. if you're planning on living with someone else, i.e., bf, then you'll need to think about responsibilities with him as well.
remember, you'll always have time to move out on your own.
Yes, it's too soon. However, if you're not going to listen to me, don't move far away from home. Because if you break up, then where will you live?
- Kunoichi
it is way to soon, regardless of how long you have been with your bf, you are only 18. i went to college away from home and had a dorm/work/expenses i kept track of, as well as working at home over the summers. i went abroad and that was a kick in the face of how unprepared i was to live on my own. keeping track of the food i ate, what was cheaper to fit my budget, and i like to eat healthy, so food gets expensive, traveling just to the uni got to be expensive to the point i would use it only when it was really raining. gym membership went from a really nice expensive place to the uni's gym. i am now 24 and working full time and still dont have a stable enough life to move out and get an apartment. granted needing surgery and getting said surgery can set anyone back at least a year or more..
but also, i would love to move into a place with my gf, but she is at a college some distance away from where i work (3+hours) and if she moved here it would be a hardcore discussion about it. freedoms with your SO go down if you see each other all the time and no room for friends or family. also what happens when/if you ever break up and you have a lease on your place and cant break it. who is paying for it? what do you do then? go home? admit defeat? also why not just go to college get a good degree, and if you are still with the guy after you are done with college then move in. dont rush anything. you are 18, chill, you got life ahead of you.
I moved out a month after I graduated with my now husband (he moved out a year after graduation). The reason why we moved out so early is because he lived in Ephrata (Lancaster) while I lived in Hershey. He would drive up EVERY weekend to see me for a whole year before we decided to move out and be together. He got a job down here and I was working...but it became hard when his job fired him for a stupid reason because they didn't want to pay for his health insurance. So for a couple of months is was horrible and I spent all of my savings ($4,000) making sure that the bills, groceries and rent were getting paid.
I suggest that both of you have good paying/stable jobs, a good amount in savings, and have been together for at least 1-2 years.
I'll break down our bills per month for you now to give you an idea:
Rent: $590 (which is REALLY cheap for a 2 bedroom apartment)
Phone: $30
Cell: $68
Car Insurance: $90 (+ your bf's)
Electric: Winter about $100 Summer about $60-$70
Cable (and internet $45): $100 + (depending on what you get we have comcast)
All in all we pay about $1,300 A MONTH (we are paying off a new car which is $324) just in BILLS!
Plus Groceries which are about $150 every 2 or so weeks....and any animals. We spend about $80-100 each month on just food and litter with our 3 cats. Also, most places you will pay for water and trash (trash isn't much usually like $10-$15)...you might also have to pay for heating (oil, gas or electric). See we have it made were we are since we have well water (no water bill), burn most trash and oil heat which is included in our rent. You will also have to have renters/home owners insurance (Renter's insurance for about $15,000 coverage we pay $80 a year) and school taxes (we pay $265 a year per person)...then your normal car inspections, registrations, etc.
And you also have to think about doctor bill esp if you don't have insurance. It is really expensive when you don't have health insurance. To see
My family doctor: $52 not including medications
Eye doctor: $129 not including contacts or glasses
OBGYN: $135 + $90 for lab
Also, when you move out, you will have to get plates, bowls, silverware, towels, etc which if you go to like Ollie's or something you can get most of that stuff dirt cheap. :) Plus, if you are planning to go to college..think about that. You have to live out on your own for at least a year before colleges go off of your income not your parent's income to get grants, financial aid and all. I did college for a little but stopped and my husband didn't go at all....he wishes he did because he would be higher up at the job he is at now making more money. Plus some people think that the "college experience" is something you have to experience also.
So there is the $$....but you also have to think about relationship. Moving out with each other is crazy. My, now, husband and I were together for about 2 years before moving out with each and all we did was yell/fight about EVERYTHING stupid for a good year or so. There were many times that I felt that I was just going to move back home....luckily I didn't, but sometimes it hard to clash/put together 2 different life styles. It takes time, patience, understanding and maturity.
It is a lot to think about...something neither of us did before we moved out. Sit down, crunch some numbers, ask for your parents help, whatever.....just don't jump into a decision like this because it is just more than moving out/getting away from your parents.
Well I have to get off now....i hope this helps. Anymore ?'s or anything just message me
I like to think that when I graduate high school (at 17) I'll be able to move in with my current interest. We've talked about it a little, but he's more worried about me going to college than he is about he and I moving in together - very noble on his heart.
On the other hand, one of my best friends is currently living with her boyfriend and his family (she's 17). They both go to the same high school, then come home to the same condo and sleep in the same bed every night. I'm worried that her doing this will lessen her goals of going to school becuase she has already found happiness.
So, I think it's best to wait until you are both able to care for yourselves, then your jobs will easily be able to care for each other and there will be a good harmony.