Do you get weirded out when you see a couple together at a strip club? What do you think of male virgins in their mid-20s?
...Perhaps I should start from the beginning...
Several years ago, a bunch of friends of mine and I put together a scheme to take our friend to a strip club. You see, at the time he was a down-on-his-luck 23 year old virgin. Did I mention it was his birthday? Anyway, lets call this fellow...Balo.
Anyway, we were feeling for our friend since it was his birthday. He didn't have much going on in his life and so we took it upon ourselves to put a smile on his face. Boy did we ever!
Upon walking into the main stage area, one of the first things I noticed (aside from the lovely ladies of course) was this strange phenomenon of couples enjoying the sights together. To me this was and continues to be very weird. I always thought from my years of watching Married with Children that women want to keep their men away from nudie bars, especially if they're married. Common sense kinda dictated this thought too.
I wasn't the only one that was weirded out. My friends were as well. We've all dated and all felt the same way about taking our boyfriend or our girlfriend to a strip joint with us....It'd be too weird! Especially when each member of the relationship is getting lap dances in front of the other...it just didn't sit well with any of us.
But back to our guest of honor for the night. The night where we took him out on his birthday was about two and a half years ago. Today, he's still a virgin! It's not that he lacks personality or charm, but he just can't seem to turn it on around any member of the opposite sex. We've tried to help him, but he's his own worst enemy. He's got a good job and a nice place too. He even has a Benz! What's wrong with this picture!?
So I'm gonna throw this out to you guys. This is a two part deal that I'm gonna have going here; Do you feel that it's weird to see couples at strip clubs together like my friends and I do? Secondly, do you see any hope for my friend or do you have any advice for him?
It's time for you to sound off.
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Comments (56)
It'd be really weird to see couples at strip clubs, yeah. I'm not saying it shouldn't happen, some people are okay with it. I just don't think I could watch while some other woman is all over my man, even if it isn't serious.
Your friend is fine. Everyone goes at their own pace with things.
I don't think it's weird for couples to go to strip clubs. It's just a matter of what you're into. Some couples are into going to strip clubs together. I don't know why, but they do. Haha. Maybe the girl is taking him there for his birthday, or just as a treat? Maybe she's bi, so they both like going? I don't know. I don't think it's weird, though.
About your friend, there's nothing wrong with being in your mid-20's and still being a virgin. These days it is kind of out of the ordinary to meet a 20-something virgin, because it seems like everybody (well, not everybody, but you get what I mean) is having sex. That doesn't mean that there's something actually wrong with him, though. It just seems bad because that's what everyone is convincing everyone else to think.
I don't really have advice, but I'd say to him just wait for it. He will find someone, he just hasn't found that someone yet. When he finds the right person he'll be able to be himself and be comfortable, and things will go from there. :)
1.) No, the reason you believe this is because of what society has told you.
2.) I can help your friend out on one condition:
If he is willing to help himself and put in the effort it takes to make the change.
If he is willing to do that, I mean SERIOUSLY WILLING, have him contact me and I will direct him to the resources he needs to start getting laid like a rock star.
But do NOT waste my time if he is not willing to take the steps and put in the work to change.
@IntheGoldenWest@xanga - I have to RESPECTFULLY disagree with you on your opinion about the virgin. True confidence is a result of sexual competence. You do not even start to understand what being a mid 20's virgin does to the psychology of a kid like that.
I have met multiple guy's who were in that situation who admitted to me that they were literally on the verge of suicide. And if you think he can just sit back and wait for planet earth to magically give him what he wants as a result of wishful thinking, then you must be very young.
What will happen if he waits for wishful thinking is that he will latch on and fall in love with the first person who comes along and he will just marry them and end up getting a divorce and his life will become a total wreck because he has not learned the skills or developed the resources it takes to maintain a healthy relationship.
or is that what society has told YOU to think about virgins?
and society hasn't told me to think anything about couples in strip clubs. thats an opinion i formulated on my own thank you very much.
this post is so bipolar...
1. there is nothing wrong with couples going to strip joints together.
2. having a nice place and a nice car really shouldn't have anything to do with getting laid. it's unfortunate that those things matter to people (in terms of relationships), and i don't really understand why swiping the v-card is such a big deal to you and your friend. if he focuses on finding meaningful relationships, things will happen in tim. who cares if he's a virgin? this obsession with virginity is overrated.
@ChevalierSeingal - I must respectfully disagree with some parts of what you said... First up: True confidence is a result of sexual competence. I know many people who are truly confident and don't need sexual experiences to truly be confident (yes, they ARE over 20.) I am sure that there ARE people who are not truly confident because of their virginity, but that would also be because society's obsession with sex is... well, everywhere.
The second thing I don't agree with is that every guy who waits for wishful thinking and then latches on and gets married and gets a divorce because he hasn't learned the skills or resources to maintain a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are more than sexual encounters, whether 1st base or a home run. A marriage also takes two; just because one person is "ready" for that level of commitment doesn't mean they both are; so unless it's two people with wishful thinking, a marriage will be unlikely to happen. While this circumstance may come along, this is a worst case scenario. As such, that won't happen to EVERY GUY.
@ChevalierSeingal -I didn't mean that he should sit back and do nothing and just wait for the right person to show up at his doorstep. That would be stupid, because he definitely wouldn't get what he wants by doing that. I meant that he should carry on with whatever he is doing and continue searching for the right person, but not to get so worked up over it or be really upset or angry about it. I understand why he would be really depressed about it, because that's just the way it is. People do get really self-conscious of being a virgin, and I get that. I was just saying that he will find someone while he's looking, and it may not be soon, but I'm sure it'll happen.
I am young, but I'm not stupid. Waiting around and wishing won't get you anything. If he continues to look for the right person or even just an opportunity, he'll find it.
By the way I'm not trying to start a big discussion about this, so don't take this as me trying to continue a heated argument or something...just saying.
1. I'm not into strip clubs and I would be highly upset if my SO think going there is OK. I would have to seriously reconsider our relationship.
2. Your friend is fine. I don't see the big deal into rushing into losing your virginity. I think it should be special and be with someone you really care about. Others may disagree, and that's fine. But that's my own opinion. @ChevalierSeingal - As for the person who commented about the whole suicide thing, that's just ridiculous. If someone is contemplating suicide because they are not getting "laid" then there is something seroiusly wrong with that person, and it goes deeper than sex. I too have friends that are 20-something year old virgins and suicide is far from their minds. But, I surely cannot speak for those who are suicidal b/c of a sexless life. If that is the case hopefully they get the help they need.
A) i go to strip clubs with my boyfriend sometimes. I used to go a lot on my own, just because I think the club that's near my house is a great place to hang out and chat with friends (yeah, a little weird i'll admit). I decided to bring my boyfriend along and let him into my life - and it wasn't that bad. I figure - i'd like to know what he's doing in his spare time, and if i show him i'm not against it, he'll be completely honest with me. It was a good night (and it doesn't even have anything to do with making our sex life better).
Couples at strip clubs isn't really that weird of a thing to me - albeit, if they're going their regularly and buying, there's something a little socially unacceptable about that, maybe. They have a very strange and complicated relationship with one another, i'd think. I don't think I could stand to see my boyfriend getting a lap dance from someone who works there.
B) maybe your friend doesn't perform well under pressure. perhaps he feels like everyone has such high expectations because of his situation, and just doesn't do well because off all the pressure.
Sometimes people just have bad luck though : ( life is kind of unfair sometimes.
Anyways. Best of luck with your friend!
1. I personally would not go to a strip club with my SO... but eh, whatever floats your boat. There's nothing wrong with it, I would just feel really uncomfortable being the awkward person that I am...
2. There is NOTHING wrong with him. having a nice car or a great place doesn't automatically mean he'll get laid. So what if he's a virgin? Why is it such a big deal to you anyway? I don't understand why people would care so much about someone losing his/her virginity. I mean, I'd get really annoyed if one of my friends kept trying to set me up with some guy I barely know and tried to get me to lose my virginity.
Also, just a question: Isn't our soul purpose on this planet to procreate? So...it doesn't seem that weird or abnormal to me for humans to be considering suicide because they're not having sex.
And, suicide is a touchy subject, but in my opinion no one should be driven to want to commit suicide - so I think if someone is contemplating it for ANY reason, they need help. Period. But I don't believe that any reason is stupid to want to kill yourself for. certain things just affect certain people differently - and sometimes there's something wrong with them that makes them feel that way about things that other people view as a ridiculous excuse to want to kill one's self.
@bass_chick57@xanga -I am not talking about just sex, I only
consider that part of it. At least now since I am a little older. But
when your in your 20's and male, whether they admit it or not, they are
like German shepherds. lol
The only point I am trying to make is
that when a person has choice in who he wants to date, life becomes a
lot easier and far far more happier. When I was young and a total
loser when it came to women, I was not nearly as happy as I am now, but
now that I have choice and I can be the chooser and it totally makes a
huge difference in my personal happiness.
As one of the few mid-20 virgins around who are successful in people's eyes (I'm 25 and a second year medical student with 3 degrees of higher education-Bachelor's from Belmont Univ and 2 Master's from Columbia Univ in NYC) it is tough to find anyone to be with these days with everybody getting engaged/married left and right.
1) I know couples who go to strip clubs together and they honestly like it. It's not my cup of tea but hey, if it makes them happy...
2) Doesn't matter what place or car he drives. If he's not confident enough to meet girls, they'll never even get to the point of seeing his place or riding in his car. Plus, agreeing with all the other peeps, it shouldn't matter what he drives or where he lives. Ok, as long as he doesn't live in his mom's basement because that can seriously dampen the mood of scoring...1) I find it really awkward. I don't think personally I'd feel comfortable with it, nor would my bf (i hope)
2) there's always hope. I fail with advice though sorry xD
@Luvlystarr@xanga - The thing is with guy's especially, if they are depressed because of there dating life, a lot of them will never admit it to people because they think it makes them look stupid or not macho. Which unfortunately it does to most people. Not to me.
So guys especially, for some reason, they just hate and often refuse to admit that they need help, especially when it comes to dating. They are so hard headed in this particular area.
@ChevalierSeingal - I can totally see that, but I'm close to my male friend who is a virgin and he tells me everything. Everyone is different and I totally see your point.
@Noelleish@xanga - you mean sole purpose? it's not like we're rebuilding society. there are 6 billion people on earth. not everyone feels that instinct or need to reproduce in them.
and im not saying that him having a nice place and a nice car should have anything to do with him getting a girl. i was merely trying to paint a picture that this guy has his head on straight and doesn't live a dumpster eating doodie sandwiches like stinky the gum from the ever-brilliant chappelle's show skit, kneehigh park.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - what do you mean by this post being bipolar?
@dragon_king@xanga - you make a good point. i know kids even younger than you that are getting married; younger than me even and im 23. kids who are 20, 21, 22. i really don't understand it.
@IntheGoldenWest@xanga - Cool no problem I absolutely agree with you. Why don't you date him? Or is he not your type?
@ChevalierSeingal -
What is wrong with you? You know, you didn't have to respond to me in the first place. If you're looking to have a little internet fight, you might want to find someone else. I graduated middle school a while ago.
fight fight fight! lol...
@IntheGoldenWest@xanga - I have no idea why you are all upset. Didn't I just tell you that I absolutely agree with you?
After telling you extremely politely that "I absolutely agree with you", then if you freak out and give me drama then that is your problem not mine. End of story.