My boyfriend & I have been together for almost a year. We don't think we've ever seriously fought. We've jokingly fought, and come sort of close to fighting, but I'm not sure if I would say that we've ever had a real, full on fight. Isn't it supposedly healthy for two (or more, if you're into that) people in a relationship to fight? The only reason I can see that fighting is good is because it makes a couple stronger once they overcome it, and it means the people involved are comfortable enough with one another, and secure in their relationship. Enough so, to fight. My mom used to say that when I had fights with my best friend from high school that it meant we were sure that a fight wouldn't be the end of our friendship. That we could conquer conflict, and still be as close as ever.
Anyway, one thing I'm trying to figure out is,
what defines a fight? To me, a fight would consist of one of us being adamant that we were right about something, and that the other person was wrong, or in the wrong about something.
It would be more than ephemeral hostility. The hostility would have to elevate to something more; A disagreement of sorts.
The only time my boyfriend & I came close to fighting was a time where we were both under a lot of pressure & stress, and for some reason, we started to take it out on one another. However, it didn't last very long.
We both knew that our individual reasons for being stressed had nothing to do with the other person, yet we were hurting them because of it. In addition, we were willing to take full responsibility for the words we spat at one another. We never let it elevate to something significant. So, in my opinion, it wasn't really a fight. It's totally up for debate, though.
What's your opinion of fighting in relationships? Healthy, or not? What does it mean if a couple doesn't fight? How would you even define a fight?
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My boyfriend and I haven't fought either... we typically try to talk about things before they reach to a level where one of us is yelling. I don't think a couple HAS to fight, and I don't think that if you don't fight you're not in a "strong" relationship or whatever. It just means ya'll agree and can talk it out.Â
Just my theory, of course.
It depends on the people i guess. I dont fight with people or bother to if i don't really care about them. At some point couples do start fighting, or should.. because everyone is different. But it might depend on their personalities as well..... My boyfriend and i are both stubborn and different on a lot of levels. We're similar on the more important issues. We're both also pretty disturbed and used to be quite the individuals. We do fight a lot. But there are many reasons why we do. I think it's better for us in the long run, because I also learn a lot about him and myself from the fighting, because I am forced to analyze to solve the situation. In the long run we'll know and understand eachother better but also learn how to work together.
But that's just us. I don't know about other people.
We also both find it boring if we did agree all the time.. then there would be no debates .. no intellectual stimulation..
I've been with my husband for 3 years and we've never fought. We have little spats that last about 2 minutes, but I don't really count that. If we're under a lot of stress we're more likely to get irritated with each other so one just leaves the room for a little before it escalates. But we always realize we need each other to relieve the stress after we've had some alone time.
I think it's healthy to fight. Or at least argue in some sense. If I'd be with someone who was "perfect", I'd be bored. If I kept all my thoughts to myself, I'd hold grudges.
I have, at the least, weekly little spiffs with my guy. Nothing too serious and it's just because we're both full time working, part time grad schooling adults who get frustrated with life outside the home. We also live together.
Fighting makes you realize just how much you really love each other and how much you'd miss what you have if you split up. So I'd say it's healthy sometimes, and it's also sometimes the only way to sort an issue out.
Or something like that.
I believe fighting is normal. You're bound to have disagreements that snowball into something bigger.
idk. whenever i imagine fights they're pretty unhealthy. haha.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Agreed
Couples shouldn't have to "fight", but they should definetely communicate if something is up with them instead of letting things build up into a huge fight.
Depends on the type of person. I actually *like* to fight/argue. My boyfriend hates confrontation with a passion. The upside of fighting is that you're communicating. If you're mature enough to do that without fighting (something I'm working on, personally), then you don't NEED to 'fight', and you can still have a healthy relationship.
Some people don't need to fight, and some people do. It depends on how you deal with problems, and if a little shouting and forced-comprehending needs to take place, so be it. I think if a couple is willing to work things out despite their disagreements and partner's flaws, then the relationship is perfectly sturdy.
This is something that has always hurt my head thinking about. Why do people think it's healthy to fight? That just makes no sense to me. Sure you can have disagreements, and debates about stuff, but fights? It seems petty.
And as for people saying that it would be boring: wow. You seem like the type of people who thrive off of creating dramatics in any situation. If you need fighting to not be bored, find a better hobby.
But then again, it could just be semantics.
not fighting can be caused by a lot of different factors, but in your case it really sounds like it is just because you are two very laid back people. But one day you will have a real fight, but don't freak out and think it means you all aren't really compatible after all, it just means that is how you are going to deal with it that time. don't worry about at all.
my boyfriend and I have lots of fights but they're usually petty ones that last only a few minutes and then we leave each other to cool down. typically it's due to MISUNDERSTANDINGS. We're LDR so we rely on the phone for majority of our communication and contact, and when things are left up to a phone only, it can get messy.
b/c when we're in person we're flawless. it's weird.
but then again, I might use the word "fight" loosely when really I mean disagreements or something like that.
I don't think that it's healthy to fight - especially if you're worried that you don't fight at all. It's been almost four months and in my case, we haven't fought once. We just got into a little tiff - and that lasted for about a minute or two.
Hmm whenever I think about fights I think about physical fighting but I know you meant arguing verbally. It's healthy in moderations but if you're at each other constantly, then it's a bad sign.
i think fighting can be healthy because it means that the couple cares about each other to want them to change o-o?
but then again, depending on what they are fighting about
Sometimes fighting happens. Sometimes it doesn't. The important thing to know is that when it does happen, it's not the end of the world.
The only time I'd say when not fighting is bad, is when you choose not to say or talk about something that's bothering you because you don't want to upset the relationship, or because you are afraid.
I think it's perfectly healthy to fight in relationships just not that frequently otherwise it could reveal a lack of compatibility. When you fight you show how you deal with conflict and that you are an individual different (mentally, etc) from your significant other.
@utoppia@xanga - yeah i totally agree.
I don't think it's a bad thing for a couple to fight, I think in most cases it's inevitable and it can bring good things to the relationship if it's mitigated properly. However that is not to say that it is unhealthy to never fight, either. I think when it comes to fighting, how you choose to communicate and work through things is what matters, not whether or not you have conflict.
I guess it's healthy if you have a few little fights here and there and even if you don't have any It's not healthy when you have a fight like everyday and it results in yelling, screaming, and physical violence...
My boyfriend and I went out for nearly a year without fighting. Of course we were slightly worried that maybe our relationship wasn't healthy.
There are two reasons to why people don't fight.
1) They avoid their problems entirely to stay away from fighting
2) There is simply nothing to fight about
Later on, my boyfriend and I started having fights. But we worked through them. My brother explained that fights make or break the relationship. If you can get through fights, then the relationship grows stronger.
I do believe you can go on in a relationship without fighting. If you feel like there is something to talk about, don't avoid it.
My definition for a Fight: Having some kind of conflict that strikes some sort of negative emotion.
Though to be honest, some fights are just simply stupid. The solution comes out after talking.
It's normal to fight every once in a while. I guess it depends on the people. Is there anything that REALLY bothers you that you think yous would need to fight about?
I can't stand couples that CONSTANTLY fight. It's obnoxious and it always made me uncomfortable. To me people like that aren't meant to be together.
I think fighting once in a while is good. Can't keep everything locked up forever.