Lately I've been thinking about past mistakes. Specifically those related to how I've treated others in matters of the heart. It's been years now, but I still regret the way I treated one person in particular (we'll call him Alex).
When I first started college, Alex had a crush on me. And I, in turn, had a big crush on one of his friends. I had no interest in Alex and his friend had no interest in me. That's how it always seems to work, right? In retrospect it was so obvious that his friend could not have been less interested in me, but I persisted. Not only did I chase after someone who didn't want me, but I also completely disregarded Alex and his feelings--repeatedly, flagrantly, and worst of all, cruelly.
Over time, Alex and I somehow became close friends, but there was always something else there--a little bit of crush (mutual) and the remnant of some old wounds. He eventually got a girlfriend, and I felt like something was taken from me. I had missed my chance, I had lost him.
And now, even though we live in the same city, we don't speak. So what happened? Personally, I think it just got to be too much. I guess the past can come back to haunt you.
It may be too late for me and Alex, but at least I know better for next time (especially now that I've been on the other end of an unrequited crush). Now comes the hard part: saying sorry. It's not easy to right something you did long ago. Sometimes the person won't talk to you, doesn't even want to see you or perhaps, it's less serious and you've simply lost contact. Then it's more about making amends with yourself, accepting what you cannot change, and moving on.
In the end, I wrote a letter that I'm never going to send. So if you're reading this, "Alex," I’m sorry.
Have you ever regretted the way you treated someone? What did you do about it?
Comments (25)
similar situation - but idk. my best guy friend in HS - i mean, we went to separate schools, but we emailed each other back and forth every day, he was so funny and interesting and weird. and me and my best friend (girl) from my school used to prank call him every other weekend or so, which would always blow off into normal convo's with that would last over an hour or so (before we HAD to get him off the phone somehow lol). and we used to meet up once every couple of months - since he went to school an hour away. but, as neat as i thought he was, he always acted really weird, and i allowed other peoples opinions of him to sway me. he never spoke of it, or asked me on a date, but, i always kind of felt that he liked me, and others implied the same, but i always pushed it away saying "we're just friends."
THEN- 2 years later, he agreed to go to prom with me. (i dont do well with boys, so i was excited i had a date at all!) but then - a month later he got a gf. wellp. it made me feel. stuff i didnt want to feel or admit to feeling. and prom was gonna be different than i thought it would be but then i thought ... "well what did i think it would be?" .... so. i knew.
but. i figured what you figured, learn from my mistakes, and i went off to college to find a right boy and treat him right but i always thought of my old E in the back of my mind. but of course i knew i had to get over him, because stuff like ...
he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years (with whom he had an extremely messy, rocky relationship ever since he came to my prom ... which, if you read the above, was one month in. he had not been allowed to see/talk to me since. and i stayed away) just before my last quarter of college.
online he told me all about it and we agreed to meet up again, and things picked up as if no time had passed. instant friendship all over again. but this time, i didnt have my other highschool friends around me, nor did i care for anyone else' opinion. though i had several months of school left, i slightly confessed SOME of my feelings (very shy) online, and....well long story short we've been dating like mad for like a year and a half. after 5 years of friendship, 3 years of distance.
so i've learned - move on if you can. but sometimes, magic things ... DO happen?
@MilkyWhitesezMoo@xanga - shit that's a longass comment, sorry.
I accidentally said something really insensitive to a guy in high school, and I tried to figure out a way to contact him several years later to apologize for it because it's been bothering me all this time. My family would always say "did I stutter?" if someone didn't understand what they said, and I hated the expression. However, this guy asked me to clarify something, and I had heard "did I stutter?" so much that it just slipped out. And the guy was a really bad stutterer.... He was a really great person, too. Brilliant, handsome, nice, etc. I don't know why I didn't apologize right away.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find an email address or anything. :\
My ex-boyfriend of three years lied to me over the course of our entire relationship about what he did with a certain female friend of his. I'm sure anyone who's ever been lied to knows what it's like to be lied to. You're hurt that they would deceive you in the first place. You lose a little faith in them. That doubt stays with you for a very long time.
I've caught him in at least over 50 lies, but who knows how many I didn't catch? He did a fantastic job of annihilating all the trust I ever put in him. After each lie, I thought he would stop. I thought one day the thought of him talking to her wouldn't drive me insane with paranoia and worry, but it's only been a few months since the last time he betrayed my trust again...
kinda. i havent so much regretted it, but i definitely would havent thought about how i treated him more. i mean when a guy likes me and i have a boyfriend they have to know that there isnt a change at all, but i feel bad just being mean about it but sometimes how are you suppose to be nice to get them to know that?
I'm very touchy about this subject.
There's definitely someone who owes me a hell of a lot of apologies.
And there are some people who I need to say sorry to as well.
I don't speak to any of them anymore, these connections all sort of died, so it doesn't matter.
Still, it does haunt you.
@lapis_lazuli917@xanga - Would their apologize make you feel any differently about them?
@biancaelder@lovelyish - Actually, it might. I knew they felt very guilty about their treatment of me, but they continued to avoid, and in some cases provoke me. I was really angry at that they KNEW they were hurting me but were selfish enough to just try and slip out of clearing the air for their benefit.
It's a very long and very complex story all told, lol. I don't think you could compare it to your scenario.
I did, have and have tracked/stalked down people on myspace to tell them sorry. I only had one person that I tried to apologize to, and he made me so angry I remembered why i was mean to begin with.
@lapis_lazuli917@xanga - If you care about it, if it's still bothering you, it does matter. I can't say I understand how you feel, or that I can relate to it in any way. I am not you. But I can say you're very almost intuitive on this. Granted, you haven't said much on the subject, but I can just sense some very mature insight. I do have people to apologize to, and people who need to apologize to me. I know I cannot make someone feel guilt. What I can do though, is care about them and respect them as a person rather than resenting them. It wasn't until just now that I realized this. So, I thank you for posting that comment. It opened up a door in my mind that has been closed for a very long time.
Your grand prize is...
*drum roll*
A new sports car!
-drives up in a ninja sports car-
@Ebullient_Rhapsody@xanga - I see what you mean...I guess it couldn't be considered something that doesn't matter if it still does bother a person.
But thanks for calling me mature ;) And weellll, I guess you're welcome, cause apparently I helped, lol. :D
You can't make someone feel guilt, but if they did something wrong and they don't feel remorse over hurting you at the very least(as in they still believe in what they did), then...that's not a very nice person to begin with, ahah.
I'm resentful, I'll admit. It's not the best way of going about it, but you can't help you how feel.
A ninja sports car?
I can't drive. .__.
Wait, what exactly is a ninja sports car? o__o
I don't really regret anything. There are people that I've hurt, and of course I feel bad and have said sorry for the way things played out the way they did. But I still wouldn't take any of those things back.
@lapis_lazuli917@xanga - A ninja sports car is a sports car that can do cool tricks and go invisible.
I have already apologized for the one thing I did that ate at me everyday. When I did apologize I practically got the door slammed right in my face. I guess I deserve it ....but even now after its been close to 5 years of this they still talk shit about me. I have forgiven them each and every time and I will continue to do so even if they dont say theyre sorry. Sometimes you have to live with how things were done. some people change for the better others for the worse..... and Sorrys are hard to say..... even my son who is three has a hard time apologizing....he rather say he loves me than say he is sorry....which is pretty much beading around the bush.......
@Ebullient_Rhapsody@xanga - But even if the car were invisible, the ninja wouldn't be :<
Bet the ninja would be faster on foot :D
@lapis_lazuli917@xanga - >> I never thought about that. I suppose so.
@Ebullient_Rhapsody@xanga - ...Actually, the car would be kind of inconvenient.
Besides, if I could leap onto rooftops and do amazing ninja techniques, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't ever see the need for a car XD
.....Unless to maintain an alter identity.
@lapis_lazuli917@xanga - >> If Naruto had a car maybe Sakura-Chan would pay more attention to him.
lol.
I think she's still too Sasuke-crazy.
But Naruto would try that, probably. :)
Yeah,I apologized,for a long timeee. XD
@gatorgirl54@xanga - why do you put up with it? I mean I personally find it hard to be with someone I can't trust...isn't trust an important thing in any type of relationship?
I like this post, it definitely touched a spot. when I was a freshman in HS, there was this girl who liked me but I avoided her because I didn't like her back. I had many unrequited crushes now that I am older, but I wish I knew how it felt when I was much younger so that I won't do that to her but instead thank her for showing interest in someone such as I even if I can't accept her feeling...
of course there are more people I wish I treated better and because of those mistakes, I was able to learn many valuable lessons...but then I didn't want to make those mistakes but if I didn't then I wouldn't have learned...couldn't comprehend. Paradoxical, isn't it?
Yes, and I apologized and explained myself why I did what I did (bc I'm sure he didn't understand during that time). We had our closure. It was good.
i haven't faced the guy i treated badly in high school yet. i know that he's happy now, but i've never had the guts to tell him that i was sorry. i guess i'm still embarrassed over it because i knew he had the biggest crush on me, but i went ahead and dated his older brother instead. he probably hates my guts or maybe not. but i know i hurt him. i didn't like him because i thought he was chubby and unattractive at the time. i don't know how he looks like anymore and if i did run into him, i probably wouldn't know that's him but he would probably remember me because i haven't changed much since high school.
Yeah, I have and I've said sorry. I felt so bad that now, I don't even want to hurt anyone anymore. I physically hurt someone, which was meant to be a joke. And I felt so... sick of myself. I really... hated it. I did say sorry though, and it was hard because I wasn't too sure whether I'd be forgiven or not.
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