This morning, I was reading through my email and I came across one that my best friend (let's call her X) sent me. It essentially said that X lied about not dating my ex-boyfriend (let's call him Y) because she didn't want to hurt my feelings and that she was actually "falling for him."
She then listed off all the reasons why she should not date Y and told me that she did it anyway because she wasn't ready to "give up being young and stupid." And then she asked me why she felt like she was "being such a bad friend." Really? REALLY??
First of all, X lied to me about it. And then X couldn't even call me to say it to my face. I found out 3 days after X sent me that email because I don't check that email often enough. I had already been beating myself up for doubting her inability to control herself, but now I just feel like a naive fool. And to ask me that question at the end...*sigh*
I don't think she understands what she's getting herself into. Considering how Y reacted to my dating again and also considering how he reacted the last time we communicated with one another a few weeks ago (much yelling/tears), I really don't think that he's over me. I think that he might be using her as a rebound. While I'm a little bitter right now, I still don't want to see her hurt.
Also, all of our mutual friends have told X that it's a bad idea. In fact, one said that he would stop being friends with both X and Y if they did get together. I had no part in this decision. In fact, it actually pissed me off, but that's his choice. So, she's losing friends over it too. I hate that. I think that this is probably what irritates me the most. I already lost my ex-boyfriend, who I really wanted to be friends with, and now I feel like there's no way for me to be friends with my best friend anymore. She lied to me and I don't even want to contemplate how awkward it would be to talk to her about my life with my boyfriend and hear her talk about her life with Y, especially considering how she knows exactly how my long tumultuous relationship with Y went. It doesn't even sound like it's a viable relationship, considering how she's moving to NY and he's probably moving back to LA in about 8-9 months.
I feel like she's not considering all aspects of the situation when she made her decision. I guess you could call it infatuation, but is it really worth it? (she only knows him because of me and they never hung out unless I was there too)
I really love this girl, but right now, I really hate her for the way she...complicated matters (I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE LIED TO ME ABOUT THIS).
Should I still be her friend, or should I never speak to her again?
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Comments (42)
You should still try to be her friend if you think it's worth it. Obviously, this is a rebound for your ex-boyfriend, so you know that this relationship has almost no chance of lasting. She won't listen to you because she thinks you're the bitter ex-girlfriend despite the fact you are friends. I've seen this situation before, and once the guy was out of the question, my friends slowly reconciled. If you think she would do this again and cause more drama, then consider backing away from both of the entirely.
You should go spread the rumor that she has six or seven STDs.
talk to her face to face about how stupid shes being.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - i agree.
talk to her face to face. she obviously doesn't think that much of your friendship. come on, even guys say "bros before hos." it shouldn't be any different with girls.
Your question is a logical fallacy.
Take some time to clear your head for a bit. Don't talk to your "best friend" or your ex, just take a few deep breaths, relax, and think. When you've come to a conclusion that you're happy with and that you feel to be the best course for the situation, start talking again. Nothing will go according to plan but that's just how it's meant to be. Stick to what you feel is right.
you guys sound like brooke and peyton from one tree hill fighting over lucas.
I say just be honest and tell her everything you wrote in this blog.
I think she did all that to protect your feelings. I don't think she was doing anything to hurt you. Heck, your ex might hurt her just like he hurt you, but maybe she's one that has to learn the hard way. I think you should still be friends.... it's not like she got with him while you two were still together.
ohman, ive been the other girl in a situation like this before. with differences here and there
but...
continuing your friendship will be difficult, and there might be underlying resentment and contempt and stuff. honestly, its probably doomed.
things happen, and this situation happens most of the time
I dont think you should cut her out of your life, you guys just need to sit down and talk about it.. I mean seriously, you're going to let some guy ruin your friendship? Thats really sad. Yes it was wrong of her to lie to you, but no one is perfect, we all make mistakes. She probably wanted to wait for the right time, and gather her thoughts. Thats totally acceptable. Just let her tell her side, you can tell your side and then see how it goes from there.
But never talking to her again is fucking harsh.
Calling someone up does not a face-to-face conversation make.
It's not your business to be upset over anyone dating your ex. Your relationship is over, you're going to see other people, move on. Sure, people have this weird secret social code that you can't date your friend's ex but in all reality it's stupid. What if it IS a viable relationship and they end up happy? People don't know how things will work out, and frankly I believe all this losing friends business is a bit childish like high school drama.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - lol. the solution to all relationship troubles.
definitely talk to your friend. if talking doesnt work, leave her alone about her relationship with your ex. Even though you and your ex didnt work out, you never know if it may work with your friend.
in a situation like this, i would feel awkwardly weird because i hold the strong belief of never dating your friends ex and vice versa; no exceptions. and if they were to stay together, i would likely slowly drift away from both. it sounds awful; but it's the truth.
You can't let a great friendship be ruined by a guy. I know you are angry now, but I think it will get better.
You should really try to work it out, face to face.
Guess she never heard of the no dating your friends' exes rule. Or maybe she has, in which case she must have really really liked the guy to go behind your back & lie to you knowing how you feel about him. So I would say give her a break. Yes, what she did was wrong, but everybody makes mistakes & if she really is your best friend & you care about her, I'm sure you can find it in your heart to forgive her & make up. Good luck.
@katiwitz@xanga - Girls share a similar quote, "chicks before dicks".
hehe that is a hard one.. hmm it was hard for me to talk to my ex.. he made it real hard.. with this situation seems even more harder. i can see why you feel as though you are a bad friend..
i would try to talk it out
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - really? just 6 or 7 and not 10 or 11? hahhaha...
Get over it. I learned that you cannot stop the world for one person. She cannot stop her life for you; nor can your ex-boyfriend and you cannot stop your life for either of them. Do you really want to be lied to and babied because they think you'll get too hurt? Fuck it, show them that your headstrong.
I went through the same situation, i didn't react the same, but i do know the situation.
Talk to her in person and tell her how you would feel about the whole thing. And then leave it at that. Go on with your life without her. And when she knows better, she'll come back and apologize. Hopefully at that point, she'll know that friendships are tougher than young lust.
@katiwitz@xanga - i agreeee!
talk to her face-to-face
maybe shes taking you for granted
Talk to her face to face and get it over with.
I think it was horrible for her to do something like that to you.
Honey, if she really was your best friend, she wouldn't have done that to you. She would have known that no good could come from it, and that it wasn't worth it if it meant loosing you as a friend. I'm sorry to have to say that about her, because I'm sure that you feel the need to save the relationship, being the good friend that you are, but it's true. The fact that she waited so long before she told you clues me in also to the fact that she knew she was in the wrong, and that what she did was stupid... but that she still wanted to go through with it anyway.
She needs to grow up, and learn that her actions have consequences. If I were you, I would just cut her out completely. It'll save you a lot of hurt in the long run, and hopefully teach her an important lesson about the meaning of "best friends".
I wish you the best of luck.