We all have stories about the one who broke our heart. Whether it happened decades ago or just yesterday, the memory of it can be crushing. But these stories are as much about relationships with other people, as they are about our relationship with our selves. There are always lessons to be found in a past relationship, that is, if we’re willing to look for them.
I loved someone for a long time and then we broke up, but the love (on my end) didn’t stop. I didn’t know what to do and I felt completely lost. I tortured myself by replaying everything that had gone wrong in the relationship. If only I’d done this or that differently…and then one day, I was over it. I was so done feeling powerless in my own life. And while I can’t say exactly what changed, I was able to recognize the stages I went through and in retrospect, realize what I could have done differently.
First off, it’s important to realize that there’s no quick fix to a broken heart. But there are certain things you can do to speed up the healing process.
1. I think it’s best to avoid the person for a while. Sometimes running into an ex is inevitable, but if you try to stay away from places you know they’ll be it’ll be better in the long run. It may be hard not to see them at first, but it’s an important stage in the breakup process. As time goes on and you feel like you can speak to them rationally with a clear head, you can begin to work through any unresolved issues before you completely move on.
2.Though it may be hard, focus on the things you didn’t like about your ex. It’s tempting to think about the good times you had together, but that can be detrimental. It’s good to keep in mind you broke up for a reason.
3.If you need to cry, cry. Sometimes a good, long, self-pitying cry can be really cathartic. But don’t use your tears to inspire guilt in your ex. Cry because you need to, not to make your ex feel bad.
4.When you’re able to see your ex without wanting to get back together, talk through what went wrong in the relationship. It may be hard to hear and awkward to talk about, but it may help you for you in your future relationships. It’s important to learn from the past, so we don’t repeat the same mistakes.
But the most important thing to remember is that everyone goes through heartbreak and you’re not alone. It may happen (and probably will) over and over again, but you get through it. And each heartbreak leads to a greater love in the next round.
What has helped you get over a bad breakup?
Comments (58)
I've never had a bad breakup.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Why do you always have to get in the first comment on every entry possible? You don't even have anything useful to say.
And for the record - friends always helped, as well as doing whatever I personally liked. You basically feel like you lose everything after losing someone important. Hanging out with your friends (especially if they're good, supportive ones) reminds you that the world isn't over.
My close friends and family really tried hard to help me and it did later on. At first, I was just too emotional and weak and cried for a day or two straight, but after talking it out with them, I guess I got one step closer to getting over him.
What helped me go through my bad breakup a few months ago was to just remind myself that I had to be strong and not let a guy get the best of me.
pretty much what you just described. good post!
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - that's what i wanted to say too! you read my mind.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - Excuse me, 90% of the time I have something useful to say. When the blog says it all, I don't have anything to say. I don't know if you noticed or not, but at the end of this post, there's the question, "what has helped you get over a bad breakup?" And I answered the question as best I could, since I've never HAD a bad breakup. I don't care if I have the first comment, but the way I see it, I don't have to wait until everyone else leaves a comment. If I'm online when a post is put up, I'll comment, I don't comment to be first. Maybe everyone else is just slow.
im still going through one, and i find myself really angry but im past the stage where i want to see him or talk to him. Also, that we did break up for a reason and i no longer need to hold on to the 'good' memories we shared.
Great post
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - dont worry man, i think your'e awesome anyway. you're like a xanga ninja. YATAAAAAAAA (hiro = awesome hero)
but yeah. getting a boyfriend or girlfriend helps (depends which way you swing), hanging out with your friends, getting a job -- keeping your emotions busy. plus, just not talking to the ex at all!
ive not been heartbroken yet but i like the advise =D
"each heartbreak leads to a greater love in the next round."
so very true
@snapeful@xanga - Thanks. :D
hmm...my last relationship ended fairly abruptly although we weren't very much on a positive path towards our future. at that time I was so busy with school, and my career that it helped keep her out of my mind. not to mention she was back home in LA and i was attending school in NY...so I guess that made it a lot easier.
i think you just helped me a little.
im not so upset that im up all night, but im still so upset that i still think about him every 2 seconds
at the moment, just appreciating the little things in life get me through the day. deep breaths, schoolwork, hanging out with some friends, playing cod5 with my roommate, stuff like that.
it still hurts a lot, but i'm getting by. this is a great post for such a thing.
Honestly, there wasn't much I could do. It just takes time. It sucks, but life goes on. I just kept moving. Kept myself busy. Don't give yourself too much time to think about it or you'll drive yourself crazy. Hung out with friends. Pamper myself.
My ex and I broke up about 8 months ago. It was REALLY hard on me. The first 3 months sucked. Then the 4-7 months weren't *easy* per se, but he was always in the back of my mind. He was my first boyfriend and the one boy who I really liked. He is now dating one of my friends who I was close with for 6 years--
It was not until a couple days ago, when he picked his girlfriend up from school, that I realized that I did not want to have anything to do with him. I didn't have any emotion at all when I saw him. I realized: I'm over it.
I drove myself crazy the whole time, but that very day, made me realize how much better off I am. There are certain times where I do think of him but not with that ache that used to come along with it.
I am so glad I found this blog. I am completely heartbroken right now and I dont know how Im going to get through it. I feel completely lost. My heart feels like its scattered throughout the universe and I cant catch all the pieces to put it back together. But reading this, I may try a few of your suggestions. Thank you..
mostly for me, one day, i wake up and realize i'm over them. but it definitely takes time
I forgave him after crying for about a week straight. We still talk and spend time together but my feelings are completely gone and I can't seem to get them back, which is good I guess.
Don't know how that works, but it does.
its been 2 months and i can see that i'm doing better. i still think about him but everyday i go to school, have fun with my friends, and just live my life. time is the only thing that can truly heal it all. this is a great post, it was nice to see :)
friends family and cutting ties always helps =]
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - you got tons of haters eh ? haha
Along with not hanging around the ex is un-friending them from facebook / myspace / whatever. I know it was too tempting for me to want to check his statuses every two minutes after we broke up. I just kept wanting to know if his statuses were sad/emo because he missed me, if girls were posting on his wall, if people were trash-talking me on his wall, if he was still single, etc. I thankfully never became such a stalker because I blocked him for a while, as well as removing his friends that I wasn't personally friends with. It made it a tad easier for me to move on.
Great post!
I NEED HELP!! okay so my first boyfriend broke up with me 7months ago. i tried calling him but ended him saying the wrong things. the first time we were almost yelling at each other cause i said he hated me(which i knew he didnt) the second time i was calm and just tried to start a normal conversation but he barely talked. it lasted all of 5min. i went to school with him 3more months after he dumped me. then summer break. i still have urges to call him and ask why but i dont know if its been too long. my friends say i need to heal but not feel bad. i really feel stupid and immature, but he was my first and so i dont really know how to deal with it. in this articale you said that talking to them to figure out what went wrong helps but i dont know what went wrong. maybe im just blind or he loses interest I DONT KNOW. so yeah am i crazy or just another girl with problems?