So I've been watching this show called "Dating in the Dark". It's a show where people date "in the dark" (they live in a separated house and meet without seeing each other in a dark room) and at the end they get to see each other in the light and decide whether to keep on dating or not. I think I mentioned the show in a previous blog.....but now that i've seen all 6 episodes.... it's funny because its normally the girls that are the ones that are consistently rejecting the guys solely based on looks!
Of course, this actually isn't surprising to me at all. Anybody with any common sense knows that looks are just as important to girls as they are to guys. but the stereotype is that guys are superficial jerks that only look at the outside....while girls continue to rate things like personality, sense of humor, sensitivity, honesty, maturity, blah blah blah blah as the most important thing they need in a boyfriend. And many girls also say looks aren't that important to them.
But really , looks (oh and throw money in there too) are in fact very important to most girls.
The thing is, the good-looking rich guy gets characteristics (that the girl thinks they are looking for) projected onto them....because in fact they are good looking. ie. a good looking guy and a fugly guy could act and behave in the exact same way....but cause two completely different reactions in a girl. They could tell the EXACT same joke...and while the good-looking guy is so funny, the ugly guy is kind of corny. The good-looking guy is confident and strong, the ugly guy is cocky. The good-looking guy is mysterious, the ugly guy is creepy. The good-looking guy is sensitive, the ugly guy is a wuss. etc etc.
And not only do girls project their "wants" onto the good looking guy, but there have been studies that show girls also will change what they are looking for , based on the good looking guy's characteristics. So say the girl has "sensitivity" as #1 on their list. They meet a good looking guy that isn't sensitive at all, but is very funny. She might unknowingly change her #1 to "sense of humor". This isn't necessarily a bad thing.... as this is the same thing that allows guys to "get better looking" in girl's "eyes".
So the point is, the show is actually a pretty interesting show and while its not a concrete study in dating by any means, it does shed some light on the fact that looks are just as important to girls as it is to guys (....if not MORE.) Superficiality isn't a guy thing....its just a thing. there are superficial guys and girls, and guys and girls with more depth. It just depends on the person.
How important are "looks"?
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Comments (48)
hmmm i would say it is important for me as well as personality
but theres always a guy who has looks but bad personality and vise vera
then there are a few who has both
looks are important, but so is personality
btw I love this show :)
if you're going to get married, you have to wake up every morning and like what you see for the rest of your life, so pick carefully.
Looks are important to everyone, but some people care a lot more than others. I do care, but not any more than I think I should. Being physically attracted to someone is important too, but don't go looking for a model, and reject anyone who doesn't look like one. Look for the person that's right for you inside and out. Plus, attractiveness (personality-wise and appearance-wise) has a different definition to everyone.
Although personality is more important than looks, I do think that looks say something about personality. If someone doesn't comb there hair and wears wrinkled clothes ALL the time, I think that says something about their self respect. I want my guy to respect himself. People who take care of themselves tend to have better skin, hair etc. People who also eat more healthy also tend to have more light in there eyes.
I don't know, I just thought I'd throw that point out there. People are more likey to respect a person who respects themselves as well as other people.
This post made me giggle.
Looks are important to me. The guy doesn't have to look like a model, but if I am going to date him, I need to like what I see. I don't need everyone around me to think he's hot. They can all think he's average looking, nothing special, or even ugly. But I need to find him attractive. After all, I'm the one who'll be making out with him, and if the relationship progresses into something serious, sleeping with him.
I think everyone has a physically attractive quality. Personally, I usually start falling for a guy through his personality and our compatability, during that time I start to find that that person becomes more and more attractive to me. That's just how I work though.
I agree. I also think that one big reason that women don't wanna admit how important they think looks are, is that they know people will say that they're a bitch or something if they do. Almost everyone out there has been asked by a SO this question: ''Would you still wanna be with me if I was ugly?". The usual response... ''of course I would, I love you for you'', but thats not true. In some cases it might be, but personally I wouldn't be with anyone I didn't find attractive (that doesn't mean model hot, it just means I don't think they're ugly). I also wouldn't be with someone who was extremely attractive if she had a shitty personality. I think looks and personality are pretty even.
for me, i feel like attraction is important- but that doesn't have to be looks. i think it's more about pheromones and chemistry, though i suppose appearance is a component of that. i know i've been attracted to skinny guys, heavy guys, short, tall, blonds, brunettes, redheads, facial hair or clean shaven...appearance doesn't really matter, but if there's no chemistry there, then forget it.
Looks aren't really important to me at all. Or maybe I just like guys that aren't considered super sexy to anyone else.
They matter somewhat, although it doesn't necessarily have to be movie star good looks or talk, dark and handsome types or anything. I actually tend not to find typical "good looking" guys to be allll that attractive. But to be totally honest, I wouldn't date somebody ugly, either. Outward appearances tend to matter beyond actual looks, anyways.... Such as how they carry themselves, confidence, hygiene, clothing style, etc. It does a lot for a person, and it also occasionally projects personality. So yes, they matter but they're definitely not the only thing that matters, and personality is definitely more important. Also, if you're going to seriously date somebody you gotta think they're attractive... It doesn't matter if everyone else does, but I need to.
Looks aren't everything to me but they do play somewhat of a role. I wouldn't date a guy just for his looks. If there's a guy that has both looks and personality, then yay, lucky me :)
LOL i was watching this last night too! catching up on the episode and i was just telling my friend this morning at the gym about the show and that so far it seems like it's the girls who are more superficial when it came down to it...they were more incline to turn down the guy if he wasnt what she was looking for...where as the guys were blunt about it...saying that the girl isnt who he normally wouldnt go for but still decided to give it a shot.
now my friend said that guys are just better at hiding their true feelings about what. they really think of the girl... mmmmm i guess i mean i can see but still... on the show the girls where the one choose and it was about looks!
this show is funny! ugh i was scared for them!
and ur right this whole superficial thing... its both guys and girls .. just depending on the person like u said. but i've always admit that looks are important to me... they may not be the deal breaker but looks are important.
I think the trend towards girls judging looks in a guy over other means is a relatively new phenomenon, and I'd blame (if you want to "blame," that is) feminism. Girls don't depend on guys nearly as much anymore for financial support or even child support, so since they're on level ground they can put those other things aside and be more on a level playing field for selecting mates.
oh of course girls are superficial. we're so aesthetically based. but getting to know someone you like and then rejecting him on looks is pretty harsh. i use looks as kind of a lure. it draws me to someone to get to know him. now if we just skipped to the chase, then i wouldn't.
Superficiality isn't just a human thing, either.
@wyrdkismet@xanga - That made me chuckle.
And yes, I don't agree with any gender stereotypes other than strictly anatomical ones. (And even those are sometimes flexible.)
looks can be altered. 1) exercise 2) plastic surgery
@Shy___Away@xanga - hehe, glad i could bring a bit of amusement to your day. :D
Thank you so much for this post. I've been saying this for years (without the show as proof). Women like to act all holier than thou, but they're just as bad as us when it comes right down to it.
a lot of my friends tell me that i only date very good looking guys. but i don't feel as if i'm shallow. i figure if the man attracts me with his looks and his personality is pleasant and he makes me laugh, then i'm willing to give it a try. i always test my friends by saying: if there was an unattractive guy on one end and an attractive guy on another end at a party, which would you approach? after a little thought, they'd say "well.... i would go up to the attractive one in hopes..." and not all attractive guys and girls are idiots and rude. and not all unattractive guys and girls are super in the personality category. i find what i like. it'll go from attractiveness (i mean, the guy is a stranger, how would you know anything about him except the way he looks?), personality, intelligence, humor, and class.
I don't push the idea that females aren't superficial, because we ARE interested in looks too.
But I think you're making a little bit of an assumption.
If you're not willing to stay with someone that you genuinely like just because they're not the most attractive means you don't really care about them in the first place.
It's about how strong the connection is. If looks are enough to stop interest, then the connection wasn't strong.
looks do play a little part but its not the only thing i look for
I never thought guys were "more superficial" than girls or vice versa. I guess you just have to be attracted enough to the person to be with them. Physical, emotional and mental attraction are all important to me.