Of course no one wants to be "that crazy ex that wouldn't leave me alone," but there is a level of clinginess that we are allowed. No one wants to be remembered as the girlfriend that wouldn't let their guy go out with their friends. No one wants to be remembered as the girl that texted him every ten seconds. No one wants to be remembered as the girl that hated every female friend. No one wants to be remembered as the girlfriend that never wanted sex and only wanted to cuddle. No one wants to be remembered as the girl that ran his life. No one wants to be remembered as the girl that assumed he was out with some slut every single time he's three minutes late. No one wants to be remembered as the girlfriend that wouldn't let him have a life of his own.
Girlfriends that do these things are the ones that are only just that:
remembered. These girlfriends are not clingy; theses girlfriends border on psychopathic.
Let your man go out - you're not his keeper. I repeat:
you are not his keeper.Sounds like I'm pretty anti-clingy, right? Wrong. I'm anti-controlling-clingy, not anti-clingy.
I've been living with my boyfriend for almost three years (in January), and I like to know where he is going, especially when he's going on his motorcycle. I like to go out with him and his friends on occasion - not when they're having what they call "man-ventures." I like to cuddle before I go to bed; I relax better when I'm closer to him. I like to have sex, far more often than he does (I think it sort of bothers him). I like being kissed goodbye before he leaves for work or class if I'm awake. I like kissing him goodbye when I go to class or work. I like being told that he wants to spend time with me. I like when he makes plans with just me occasionally; his friends don't need to go everywhere with us, right? I like being reassured that he loves me,
frequently; my self-esteem always needs it.
That's right, I'm a clingy girlfriend and right now it's at its peak. I get clingier when I'm unemployed because he is my only socialization for the day. I have no friends in this city, and often the only people I talk to are him, my parents, and maybe a sales associate. I want to be talked to when he gets home. I understand that he needs his alone time because he's so busy during the school year, but I need people time.
Yes, I'm clingy. But, you know what? That happens to be how I show that I care. If I weren't clingy, I'd question my feelings towards him. There are very few people that I need that kind of reassurance from. The fact that he is one of them says a lot about how I feel for him. I love him more deeply than I have anyone else in my life. The fear that these feelings may not be returned (however silly this fear may seem) makes me clingy. I need to know that he cares too.
What do you think? Does being clingy show you care?
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Comments (43)
clingy can show that u care but a very very very clingy can be awkward to the partner
but there are times that u need time to yourself and friends
Wow. Pretty much sums up me.
I am a clingy girlfriend as well. I am okay with it, but at times I realize I go over the top, and need to control from within. From my experience (I used to be EXTREMELY clingy) it improves with age (I'm 23 now). I now make time for myself and friends as much as I can, but there's times I just can't help being clingy. Sometimes my bf will get it and be supportive, other times he just needs his space. Just comes and goes I guess.
I find keeping busy helps me, might be different for other clingy peeps out there.
some clingy is ok, just don't go overboard! and as you and others had said, it meant the other person care for me.
but you SHOULD make some friends of your own thou and don't relies on him for everything lol
ok, maybe i have a skewed sense of closeness, but...you don't sound clingy to me. isn't that how couples are supposed to act? my very happy grandparents, married for 50 years, still kiss every time one of them leaves to go somewhere, and hold hands and and say "i love you" all the time! i know they are closer than most, but still, i think the word "clingy" is a way to refer to a one-sided relationship. if you desire closeness, you are not clingy. you just desire closeness, and if that's perceived as clingy, you need to find someone who desires the same amount of closeness
I'm clingy as well. Sometimes I know it can get a bit out of hand though. It's harder to be clingy 4,000 miles apart, though...
That's not clingy. The previous paragraph was all clingy haha. Texts/calls every second? Oh lord.
meh...i dont consider that clingy, i consider that a healthy relationship. i'm nearly the same way
I understand that he needs his alone time because he's so busy during the school year, but I need people time.
Then go out and make some friends.
I''m sure you're not the psycho clingy now but if you only socialize with him for a long period of time it might end up that way. I'd find a hobby to keep you busy while he's away and socialize more.
To me being clingy shows you're scared. Scared he'll leave you or hurt you in some way. You can not be clingy and still show affection. Being clingy in most cases scares guys away, because their all about independence.
the way i see it, caring is good. showing that you care is good. but when you say "my self-esteem always needs it," it's a red flag that there are bigger issues. self-esteem is something that needs to be nurtured and needs to be strong regardless of your relationship status. i don't think it's healthy to depend on someone so much for self-esteem needs.
it might help you to make friends in the city. going out could boost your self-esteem, and you wouldn't have to depend on one person for social contact. it would be better for you and for your relationship.
Yeah, this is me, pretty much.
@JennyGee@xanga - I agree with you that "clingyness" has gotten a bad rap. What may have been called affectionate and loving 50 years ago has now been defined as "clingy". I think culture has made having dependence on someone else as a sign of weakness. But in my opinion it's the whole perception of "being tied down" that has done it too, people just want to be "free" when deep down inside no one wants to be alone.
To the poster, if you ask me it's a trait or preference that sometimes can't be controlled. For example some people may prefer unwinding by going out to the clubs and dancing while others just want to stay at home and read a good book.
It's preference, some people need that close and constant contact with their spouse while others may need more time away than together.
It's just something that happens when you put two DIFFERENT people together. But as your relationship grows and develops you learn about each other. You can learn that maybe he doesn't exhibit the same longing and expressiveness of love that you have for him. So you learn to turn it down a notch. Then in teurn hey may recognize that such gestures are important to you.
So you both learn to compromise and adapt to eachothers wants and needs. Hopefully throughout the process you both learn to grow together and not grow apart. =)
But to add two cents of my own experience, me being a guy, I'd rather have my GF/Wife be more clingy than cold and "distant". But then again, I think I am more of the "clingy" type with my current GF. But I can't help it, she's so huggable!
I still love that first paragraph.
"I like to have sex, far more often than he does (I think it sort
of bothers him)."
That describes me perfectly.
i give you a hifive.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - Ditto.
i'm only clingy because i'm insecure.
he's kind of clingy too, but oddly enough not as much as i wish he was. :/
for one day i'd like to be the center of his world. calls every 5 minutes. never wants to leave my side. won't let me hang out with my friends because he wants me to spend all my time with him. just one day. that'd be nice. if i didn't have to worry about hurting everyone elses feelings i'd have no problem spending all of my time with him. but he's not like this, he lets me do what i want most of the time. :/
You see, this constant reassurance of affection is a sign of insecurity (just like HollowTendencies said). A person with confidence doesn't need to be reminded every 10 seconds that somebody is thinking about them. I'm what they would call the opposite of clingy: Low Maintenance.
You're not clingy, you're normal. Unless he's giving you signs to back the hell up, it's fine.
Yeah, I think your definition of clingy and my definition of clingy arent the same. What you call clingy isn't what I'd call clingy. You're normal.
I don't think that's being clingy at all. That's how it's supposed to be. I do think that you should find more to do though and make some friends. I need to do that as well. I know it's easier said than done.
Damn straight I'm clingy. I like to be affectionate and show him that I love him and I want the same in return. I am so not controlling, but sometimes he is. He used to make fun of how clingy I was and I decided to pull back a little just to calm him down. He freaked and thought he was slowly losing me. (yea, I was dumbfounded too). I think what we define as clingy sometimes, is just the way some people display their feelings for another. I think being clingy shows you care, its a good thing.
I think being clingy can make you feel smothered. To be honest. I think it's good to each have your own separate lives.
It does, but it also says "needy" and right now you are needy for his attention because you are so lonely. Why don't you go out and try so sign up for some sort of community organization or a gym class or what have you just for the fun of it? Getting out and about will keep you occupied and introduce you to new people. Plus, a healthy relationship requires time in solitude from each other.
I think we're all suppose to treat each other like crap, in case we get too clingy or something.