Sunday, 13 September 2009
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My Boyfriend and His Ex
The short version of this story: my boyfriend's ex still contacts him. I knew of her when we first started dating. She broke the 4 year relationship off with him, I believe because she was selfish and wanted more material things than he could give. They did not speak for over a year. When we started dating he expressed hatred of her. He ended up changing his phone number because he broke the contract with his old phone and decided to go on my plan. Well out of nowhere he told me the ex contacted him. She had already known he was in a serious relationship.
Also, his one sister told me everything about the ex. She also kept in touch with the ex and would tell me how the ex would question the sister about "our" relationship. She apparently also would tell the sister how big of a mistake she made. I could go on and on with this. Also I would be sitting up at night and his phone would ding, and its a text from her. She was asking him to go to lunch and that they need to talk. Every single time she text him, he just ignored it and deleted it. She just randomly texts him personal things about herself. She will reminisce about things they did on a particular day.
I have told him so many times it bothers me and what his sister has told me about her. He is not a confronting type of person. He feels ignoring is fine. I tried to tell him that there is something else here. Why would she feel the need to have a one sided conversation with him? The last time she text him was on his birthday, which was 3 1/2 yrs after their breakup. She asked him if he's engaged yet, and he replied no. Her reply "whew, that's good lol." Ok why did he reply that time after years? I'm just so confused and angry.
We aren't talking about teenagers here. We are in our 30's and the ex in her 20's. I just need to vent and here what others have to say. There is so much to this story!
What do you think?
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Comments (68)
Well i experienced my boyfriend's ex texting him and referring to him as "baby" and "honey" etc. and we're in md and she is in texas so i did say it was okay for him to stay in contact until she got too comfortable and i confronted her myself. It took a about 2 or 3 times to get her to completely stop but it did. (she was also pregnant by some guy and she was like 15) so disgusting. Anyways you have to to talk to her yourself. It would make a big difference. You boyfriend is too passive for it to ever stop.
Take out the part about the sister, and that's pretty much the story of my life.
I've had to deal with something similar. While this guy and I weren't exactly serious, his ex who claims to be his best friend still kept in contact with him...but she wasn't really a best friend, it was extremely one-sided. She was just a jealous psycho ex trying to sabotage any other relationship he gets himself into. I'm not a fan of drama so I just stopped talking to the guy, unfortunately, that didn't get her to stop talking about me though.
For the past 2 1/2 years, she's made up ridiculous rumors about me, but I just ignore it. People will always be talking.
I hate people like that. She probably only wants him back now because she knows he moved on, and like "Anonymous" said, she's probably just trying to sabotage any other relationship he gets into. She wants to be his last girlfriend for some odd reason, is how it strikes me.
You may need to tell her off yourself.
im sorry but i dont think u should be complaining. hes ignoring her isnt he? so there shouldnt be a problem. the fact that his ex still talks to his sister, well thats their life. if they want to be friends than it should matter to u. it has nothing to do with u. let is ex txt him all she wants because nothing is going to come out of it. hes still with u isnt he? that means he loves u. just let it go, dont be annoyed at him because its not his fault or his sister's. stop being paranoid.
Well, if I were you...
You could borrow your bf's phone, text her back asking to meet. Then, you show up. You be the confronting one and tell her all that 'you've had your chance' etc. Hope it scares her off.
Alternatively, run this by your bf- him arranging to meet her, you going to scare her off - because if he finds it annoying, he'll probably agree.
Otherwise, get him a new number? Or, on his phone, block her number so she can't contact him directly.
Otherwise, talk it out with the BF. tell him how much its annoying you and you want it to stop now.
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I don't understand. He got a new phone number; how did she get it? It seems to me like something that has been going on for a while and you have a right to tell him to stop it.
If he doesn't respond then he should have no qualms about getting a new number or blocking her (you can easily do that by calling your cell company, nowadays). If he doesn't want to, I think you might have something to worry about.
wow that is strange. something smells a little fishy, you're right, trust ur woman instincts and point them out to ur man, one by one. do it until it sticks in head. he should jst sent a text msg "please do not bother me anymore. i'm happy now and i hope you'll be happy too" i know kinda jerkish move but at least the girl (hopefully) will move on after that.
I think you're being a little paranoid. As long as he's ignoring her you shouldn't be too worried, It's not his fault she's insane. You need to trust him. Also i think any retaliation on your part is gonna make it seem like more of a challenge to her and she may step up her game and maybe try and make you the bad guy.
@i_r_keiko@xanga - I was wondering the same thing. How did she get his new number?
If he's ignoring her, just brush it off and ignore her too. Don't let her get the best out of you. Obviously, she's still lurking around and wants "back" into his life. Then again, I wouldn't be naive either. You share plans so check your phone bills if anything is going on with them.
Either something is going on that you don't know of OR she's just obsess with him.
For those who are saying she is being paranoid...i dont see any place in this story where she is being peranoid so thats not even the case ANYWAYS.....
Girl i must say something isnt right with your man and his ex. I know your not around him 24/7 so there for he could be texting her while he isnt around and thats why she is still texting. I dont think anyone would just keep texting someone all the time and dont get no answer im sure she would stop if she was NEVER gettin an answer. you need to start looking at the big picture here and i think u know something is going on but u dont want to admit to it.
Also its kind of funny how he doesnt text her back and just let her know that she should STOP texting him, but he wont so its obvious that he likes it and doesnt mind her textin him.
oh and one more thing he doesnt text her all this time but he is so quick to text her saying no he is not engaged,that to me tells me something is going on.
He is texting this girl when you guys are not around each other, its obvious that he still has feelings for this chick and i think its time for u to step up and either let the b!tch know a thing or two or give your man some options and if he doesnt tell her u need to tell him that its over and even if your not serious just say it just to see what he says because i wouldnt be suprise if he gave up on you guys because he didnt want to tell her to leave him alone. u have alot to think about because sweetie sorry to break it to ya but your getting played and your just makin it real easy for him and her to play u. get some back bone.
She's probably just looking for attention and she figures he's her best bet considering their history.
If he's already changed his phone number and she still somehow got it, I'm not sure what else he would go about doing to stop communication other than blocking her number. If he's ignoring her texts though, I'd give him a little credit and chill out.
Hmm... like the other commentors, I wonder the same thing on how the ex got your boyfriend's new number. :\
I was in a similar situation once. His ex knew about our relationship the whole time, and despite that, she would still IM or text him. :\ Now that's over, thankfully. LOL :P Anyway, in regards to your situation, it's obvious that the ex wants your boyfriend back and will do anything to break up the relationship you currently have.
You may have to talk to your boyfriend seriously about this or confront the ex yourself. :\
@BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga - I agree with you there. She's not being paranoid at all.
Jesus, I don't know what to tell you. Personally, I wouldn't be able to deal with my man being friendly with his ex or her family. Change his number. If it were me, I'd ask him to switch phones with me for about a week or so and see at what times she texts what and how she responds. After that, I'd keep that phone another week or so and tell her to go to hell. If she kept it up, I'd have his number changed and keep him chained in bed for many years. He would have to start working from home. He doesn't need to "hang out" with friends. If he didn't answer his phone one time- one time- I'd go chica crazy on him. I'm getting him pregant. Get yourself pregnant, so he is forced to stay with you forever and ever and if he ever tries to leave you can be like, "You're leaving your kids!" And if he does leave, then you can be the crazy ex calling.
i mean, at least he's ignoring her. but she's still not over him after this long? he might be contacting her without you knowing.
.
You can block a number, can't you? Or if it means a lot to you that she stay out of his life, you should ask him if he would just confront her and tell her to stop talking to him.
..How'd she get his new number? O.o;
Shave her head while she's sleeping.
I don't know. Sorry I'm not very helpful
How did she get your boyfriend's number?
He needs to confront her, I don't know what else to tell you. Or you can tell her off yourself. This girl sounds so, UGH!
okay. shes probably thinking the whole "if she can't have him, nobody will," yet she's the one who broke up w/him in the first place. she probably regrets breaking up w/him now that she sees he moved on perfectly with someone even better than her. she's INSANELY JEALOUS, and u can take advantage of that. she needs an ass kicking. like srsly. despite yalls ages, she still hasn't gotten past the highschool drama age. he needs to block her in every way he can. how'd she even get his NEW number??? -.- he should change it again, or stop responding. he can control this but doesn't realize it.
you could text her back by ur bf's phone
just tell her off
oh, and about the whole "she says they NEED to have a conversation alone" thing, NO. they dont, shes gonna like, force kiss him or something just like date movie and it'll be all wrong. either that or he can meet up with her and you go too. supriiise! cat fight.
@i_r_keiko@xanga - Yeah, that does seem a little odd that she got his new phone number.
But you said the sister still keeps in touch with her so she could've gave it out. My boyfriend's ex used to get his number from his friends. After they met me and he changed his number she hasn't gotten in touch with him since. =]
Texting her back and telling her off is only going to make the situation worse. That will encourage her because if she thinks it's him responding to her, at least she has his attention. If you tell her it's you, she's going to be even more determined to talk to him.
Arrange a meeting with her, yes. Talk to your boyfriend first about it. Both of you need to go and both of you need to show her what a great relationship you two have and that she needs to gtfo, get a life of her own. Make sure your boyfriend is gonna have your back with this. Ignoring her is going to take a very long time to convince her he's done with her. He needs to tell her it's over and he's moved on. He needs to show her that he loves you and there's nothing she can do to get him back. That's it. Over. Done.
If she's psychotic, bring a baseball bat. Wood hurts worse than metal. Just in case. =]