Sunday, 13 September 2009
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The Age Old Question
Though I have no such problems with cheaters or ever met one (I may, but I just didn't know the story), it does seem to strike me as though, if you were ever a cheater, then you'll always be a cheater. Would this prejudice be justified since they've done such a horrid act, or are we just being a bunch of idiots not letting this person redeem themselves?
I mean, it's not like someone who's cheated ONCE would continue on...would they? What do you think? Are people who cheated once, always going to remain a cheater?
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- From: iKevinL@xanga
- Name: Kevin
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- About Me: An average 18 year old gay who absolutely loves cuddling up with a good book on his Saturday nights. Peace and love xx
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Comments (92)
In my experience the answer is yes. Once disloyal, always will be. It's an action that defines character, like any other.
It depeneds on who they are... If they have learned from it then you can forgive and try to forget. If not then no.
they always will be.
No. If you smoke a cigarette, are you always a smoker? If you eat a Big Mac, are you forever unhealthy? If you lie to your mom, are you never going to tell the truth again?
If you genuinely care about someone, you don't cheat on them. Period. That doesn't mean you won't cheat on someone you don't care about, but it means if you love someone and truly want to be with them, you won't cheat on them - if you do, you've got other issues. But cheating once doesn't mean you'll cheat forever. Hell, cheating on multiple people doesn't have to mean you'll cheat on the next one.
It depends on the situation. Sometimes there is a relationship problem and instead of fixing it, one person is dumb and looks for affection elsewhere. I can't say I would have an easy time forgiving a partner doing this, but I have had friends who have made this mistake.
Someone, however, who repeatedly cheats or who doesn't feel guilty about it, is someone who will most likely cheat again.
i don't give second chances, so i won't stick around to see if its true or not.
@whitetrashpoet@xanga - Agreed
If I were to trust a guy enough to go out with him and he's cheated before, but says he never will again and hasn't after that first time, I still think the question of "will he?" will always be in the back of my mind. But I don't necessarily think that once a cheater is always.
i've always thought, once a cheater, always a cheater but if i met someone who cheated once and feels remorse and is sorry for doing that and willing to change then i'll give that person a chance but if they're just all talk then i'm not going to give that person a chance.
I think if betraying someone you love is easy enough for you to cheat, then it says something about your character, which is pretty much unchangeable.
absolutely not! i've cheated on more guys than i can remember (ashamed of it) but not with my new guy who i've been with quite some time, i haven't once and never would. and i never will cheat again.
@imTHEmeowMIXcat@xanga - i agreee.
People change. Self explanatory
On a lighter note, think of the relationship tangle in Vicky Christina Barcelona. Being bisexual has its advantages...
once a cheater always a cheater i think =/
That phrase has always annoyed me and I fiercely believe that just because someone does something once does not mean they will do it again. Human's learn from their mistakes, and cheating is just another mistake ((even though it can lead to a lot of hurt in the end)); it is a mistake that can be learned from.
It depends on the person though; if the person really is remorseful for what they did, and if they actual intend to not cheat again. Someone who doesn't care much about their relationship or SO, or feels like they are entitled to cheat ((people who feel their SO isn't satisfying them as they should, so they feel the action is justified, etc)), are much more likely to cheat more then once. However, to say every person who cheats once, will always be a cheater is naive. It's a matter of character, morals, and personality; if someone really honestly feels remorseful and "bad" about doing it once ((or a few times, in some cases)), the chance of them cheating again is probably a lot less, if ever again.
People can make a mistake once and learn from it and Never do it again. Be it whatever; a small mistake, drugs, or even cheating. It's all about learning for our mistakes and moving past that.
People Need to stop generalizing and assuming.
People "cheat" for many, many different reasons. You can't stereotype all people who have failed to make the right decisions in a relationship as people who are out to break hearts. I do believe there are some people out there who have cheated who are probably more prone to doing it again, but there are also people out there who have cheated who will never make the mistake again and they should be given another chance.
Is a cheater born a cheater?, I think, is the real question.
I think it's not meant to be taken literally. More like once you cheat, that stigma travels with you if you're honest in the start of every new relationship. People will always keep that thought in the back of their minds. So, yeah.
this doesnt apply to every person who has......... face facts usually the cheater is using the partner for X reason. Not on a serious level.
Ok lets say he cheats in the beginning cus he/she was still stuck on the x.... but ends up falling for he current partner a while down the road.....partner give a chance .... never cheats again.......ends up married n happilly.........
ppl can change its just they wont if its not the right person for them.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - Yup that's exactly how I feel. They may not always be a cheater, but that's for someone else to find out. Cheating is a non-negotiable dealbreaker for me, no second chances given.
Well, I am one who believes there's good in everyone (naive, I know, but what can I do). Cheating in my book, however, is pretty much one of the lowest of lows. So the question you should ask yourself shouldn't be whether this person will stay a cheater or not; rather, a better question would be could you ever forgive her after she cheated on you? Would you be able to trust her the way you used to? I hate to assume, but most likely not. If I was cheated on, that paranoia would never leave me. Does that mean he would cheat on me again? Potentially... but maybe not. Who knows, perhaps the reason why he cheated was because he took a horrible fall off of a cliff, hit his head badly on a jagged boulder, experienced a serious case of amnesia, had sex with another woman, and was unaware of what horrible, deceitful, pathetic act he was committing until his memories returned to him while he was in the middle of doing the deed. If that was the case, then no, he'd probably not cheat again (well, as long as he stayed away from cliffs). Otherwise, it'd be very difficult, if not impossible, to trust a cheater... regardless if they actually do cheat again or not.
It depends on the person. I think it's safe to say "once a cheater, always a cheater" in many cases because they're just the type of person to do it.
i say that people can change. i also feel that if they're in the same relationship then they're more prone to cheating again. but in different circumstances the same person may be at a different level or state of mind. don't give up on cheaters and don't give up on me.
not sure why datingish is all about generalizations. as with most things....it depends on the person.