Ever heard of the expression "jar full of coins?"
Well the theory behind that is if you put a coin in a jar for each time you have sex the first year in a marriage, and take one out every time you have sex after that, the jar will still have coins in it when you die.
When two people get into a relationship, everyone eventually enters the comfort zone where you're no longer hiding the fact that sometimes you answer natures call with the bathroom door open. (And I'm talking #2) Or the fact that sex is now put on hold in favor of must watch TV, a good book, or even sleep. I think that is when you enter the end of romance and say hello to passing gas in front of each other. Is sex necessarily the main factor to keep the romance going? In a way, yes. But sadly, most married couples I know view sex as a procreation activity now.
I spoke with a gf recently and she's going about how she's feeling unattractive. Her reason for the pity party is because she's been in a relationship for a decade now and her sex life has dwindle down to birthdays and anniversaries. The only reason she can come up with for the fact it's not more active is that they both became so comfortable with one another, they no longer dressed up for each other, go out on dates, therefore leading her to slack off on her appearance. I managed to convince her it was a two-way street and that she still looks like she did when her and her man acted more like rabbits than human beings. When they do the deed now, she feels that it's a pity-fuck thrown her way to as a "let's get this over with so I don't have to hear her complain." I told her it was more a "Relationship-maintenance fuck" because pity just sounds so,...well pitiful!
So why do couples fall into that rut? It's not to say they don't love each other, but I guess what I'm saying is that the passion is no longer there. Where is the fire? Where is the Za-Za-Zu?
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Comments (21)
In church one day the pastor was talking about how couples sex lives pretty much have come to a stop, because of children and being tired and distracted and things like that. He then challenged everyone to have sex every single day/night for a month, or a week I can't remember.
Every day, whether you were in the mood or not.
This one couple did so and they said even tho they started off not really wanting to, they were glad they did afterward. They only didn't do the deed a couple nights when exhaustion was present.
It really brought them closer together and helped their sex drive. They certainly didn't keep up the sex every night, but it became less of a chore and something more they wanted to do.
I'd advise couples who's sex lives are dwindling to try this experiment, [along with a few other things, if you know what I mean] to spice up their sex drive and bring it back.
Eh I don't know how to help. I'm in college! Every time I see my boyfriend, he starts feeling me up and trying to slip his hand into my pants. I don't mind it. It almost always leads to sex.
@GiantUnicorn@xanga -
There are plenty of things you can find online/through google about how to spice up your sex life, actually. And I think people usually read those before marriage, or even during dating, but once things slow down, they forget those articles even though they know they exist.
Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City asked the same question last night :D
Jar full of coins. Gotta try that once I get married.
@Starring_Hobo89@xanga - expand that idea by putting in certain coins to represent how well it went. (e.g., a penny is just a whatever. . . quarter is like.. :DDD woot. or you can just make it like equivalent to 25 pennies.) shalalala. . .
Foreign coins seem fun too. (This one time in Japan . . .)
I've thought about this and I'm going to try my best to make sure this doesn't happen to me once I get married. I always want to have that za-za-zu!
People do this because they're so comfortable with each other and their appearances that they get lazy and just don't have the drive for anything any more. Couples have to put effort into their relationships, which means putting effort into your own individual life and health as well--maintaining your appearance, etc.
I know it's easy to slack off because of the whole "well, he says I'm beautiful no matter what I do" thought, but look at it this way--keeping healthy and not slacking off also lends energy and life to other parts of your relationship AND lifestyle. It's proven that exercising and eating well helps your brain function better, keeps you feeling fresh, and keeps you healthy overall, whether it's for your weight, your skin, or other things. You'll feel better about yourself, your partner will marvel at your looks and your energy, and it will spice up your life.
Plus, think of how much of that you can do together! My SO and I keep as healthy as possible--he trains in martial arts every day, and I try to eat healthier and walk everywhere I go rather than driving. It works out--we feel so good about ourselves and each other, and it adds an extra spark when I get to train with him! <3
well is she married to this person first off? my parents go to marriage enrichment classes, so i'd suggest that. to me i see sex as the icing on the cake. i love my fiance and everything about him and the simple things we do. when we have sex it's nice but not the most important thing. someone told me that with sex it's good to try new things and go on dates. my fiance took me out on "prom night." his thing is sex in random places. we're not married yet but i am making placs to help keep things interesting.
@GiantUnicorn@xanga - that sounds a good "experiment" but i can't believe it came from your pastor ._.
Hmm jar of coins. haha that sounds kinda fun :P
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga - A pastor did it and it was on all the news shows, I don't know if the previous poster went to that church, or if multiple pastors have started doing this, but there are news articles about it.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,330756,00.html
@AznFier@xanga - haha. Would it be based on my performance or her performance? Maybe we should both have separate jars based on each other's performance. (ie. If I am great, she'll put in a quarter in her jar.) Something tells me I'll become much richer though. FML.
I read once that a part of romance is the mystery involved in courting. To make a long story short, don't get so comfortable with your spouse that you can do #2 with the door open. Sure, it's nice that the both of you are okay with that, but it's certainly not going to make them more attracted to you.
Hm, that's quite a pickle. It reminds me of Everybody Loves Raymond. They REALLY let themselves go when they wake up in the morning. It's hilarious.
There are different types of love and it bounces back and forth. Sometimes you and your parter will be intimate, sometimes you'll be compassionate... this is all theoretical stuff but I believe it's true from what I've seen. It's not necessarily bad, either. You just need to find the balance in your own relationship to what works with your partner. For me, sex is something firmly ingrained into myself as a person. It's important both in my life emotionally and physically as well as my studies go. I would have some issues if I stopped having sex.
A huge decrease? That's okay. But if I ever sit down and wonder when the last time I had sex was when I'm married there are going to be issues.
if my bf put a coin in my jar every time he stuck his little friend in me, i would be rich!
interesting.. (the jar full of coins i mean)
but yeah, i heard stories abt that, losing the fire and all. well, i really dont know what to comment on that, except that WE, we know about it, so let's make sure it doesnt happen to us!
LOl interesting... this jar full of coins thing. Should try it when I get married LOL.
@UnopenedSuitcases@xanga - I know! I forgot what the sermon was about. I think it was about loving your spouse and what not. When marriage is going bad, just have lots of sex, hahaha
haha funny thing. my girlfriend and I have been dating a year and have reached the comfort level part already...actually we did around 7 months (we have been living together for 11 months, dating for 12, today is our one year..im proposing tonight...she already picked out MY ring lol..we moved fast but it worked out) anyway, it is possible to be in the comfort zone and not let yourself go and still ravage one another every night...i think we are going to be that "weird" 70 year old couple with a tantra book =P
edit: marijuana spices it up quite nicely
This could happen to any relationship, not just a marriage. Sex is definitely important because it's a form of intimacy and if you lose that, then you're in a platonic relationship. It could be comforting to have a companion but everyone wants passion too.