Ever had that one friend who was in a relationship you knew wasn't good for them? I'm going to call her "Sady," now Sady was a good girl, we knew each other since elementary school and she was the most beautiful person I've ever met. She was a honor roll student, elite athlete, hard core kick ass strong woman and most of all every guys' dream girl, me and her were so close even though we went to separate schools after elementary.
Sady was dating a guy named "Rob" and Rob was very.... how do I say it, not her type (I know I shouldn't say crap like a type or what not, but there was really something bad about him that made you want to kick his ass). So anyways one day Sady and I had gone to the mall together and we were shopping for clothes for the beach, I had picked out a shirt that would look lovely on her, it was a nice, flowy type of tang top with a flowery design on the side. When I told her to try it on, she said she didn't like to show her arms, now what she said took me by surprise, so I joked with her
"You, the girl who always has to wear sports bras, tiny little shorts to softball and wears bikinis to the beach, is afraid to show her arms, ahahha." I said to her jokingly, when I realized she wasn't laughing, I noticed her eyes beginning to tear up. Grabbing her by her hand I ran us into the nearby dressing room in the store and asked her, "What's wrong? I'm sorry if I came off like an ass for saying that comment, but Sady I didn't think it was gonna hurt you that much."
She looked at me with her sad eyes and began to move the sleeves on her arms up, where she revealed bruises, slash marks, and scars to me.
Me: "Sady, are you hurting yourself?!"
Sady: "No, I just got into a lot of accidents during practice."
Me: "Bullshit, half of these don't even look like they came from sports, and unless someone is purposely throwing softballs at you everyday, you better tell me something now."
Sady: "I-I don't want 'him' to get in trouble."
When she said "him", there was a long silence between us before she said, "I love him, Angel," I remember just staring at her for a blink second before I smacked her straight in her face (I know back then I shouldn't of smacked her in the face, and I do regret it now).
Me: "Sady, I'm not sure if you're expecting f**king sympathy from me, you of all people knew what happened between me and "Mike" even if it wasn't physical it was still a type of abuse. You're the one who told me to walk away when crap like that happens with a guy, so why the hell are you going back on what you said?!"
Sady: "Because I love him! You didn't love "Mike" you just liked him, it's different between me and Rob, he loves me he just gets upset sometimes you know?"
Me: "And what you decide to be his punching bag when he has nothing else to take it out on?!"
Sady: "No it's just, we've been together for so long and went through so much, I don't want to give up on it."
There was more to that conversation then what I put up, but after she had told me what happened with Rob, I got her to snap to her senses with the help of her mom, and got her to leave Rob. Of course it wasn't easy either, Rob was definitely not the type of person to let go, and it took a restraining order and then jail time for him to get the clue it was over.
I'm happy to say that there is a good ending for Sady, she is now happily married to a guy who is good to her and she has a little one on the way.
What would you do for a friend when he/she is in an abusive relationship?
Comments (39)
I'm actually in that type of situation now. I have a friend who is in an abusive marriage. She doesn't want her husband to lose his job, his community standing, their house, their kids. I have told her she needs to leave and while she agrees in theory, she is reluctant to put it in practice. It's frustrating to watch.
I was in a relationship like that. It wasn't Physical abuse...but it was more emotional and he was very possessive towards me. It took me two whole years to leave him. And I moved away, blocked him just so that way he could get the picture that it was really over.
I'd probably do what you did
I'd hate to see my friend get hurt
most of my friends are dumbasses. Even when a guy hits em, they won't ever listen. So i'm just like fuck you, you can get hurt because i tried my best to help your bitchass. Sorry i sound so harsh, but i seriously have a friend like that and she's so.....bleh.
we don't talk as much anymore
My ex & i were heading towards an abusive relationship and i left right on time. It depends on her if she wants to help herself. She already has someone to catch her when she falls...it's just taking the dive is what she's scared of.
everything that i could do for them.
I'm sure it's hard to get out of an abusive relationship.... and some girls know that it's right in theory to leave, but it's hard for them to physically leave. I would be there for her as much as possible, but I wouldn't hold back speaking my mind, either.
I was driving my friend and her boyfriend picking them up from his house and taking them to her dads because neither of them have their license. he was upset because our friend was at this house with a couple guys waiting for us all to hang out and started calling her a whore and all these other names because some guys were there who she hadn't even met yet. it ended up escalating to the point where he started throwing MY stuff at her hitting ME the driver and then he slapped her. I pulled over on the side of the road and told him to get out. Then SHE started crying and begging me not to make him leave. I was like are you serious. Then when I dropped her off everyone had left her house (not wanting to be in the middle of the fight) and I didn't want to leave her alone with him. But I'm pregnant and didn't want to risk him hitting me either. So I called my other friend to come over and left. He ended up beating the crap out of her that night and she's still with him because "they love each other" and "he's not like that all the time." I hate it because I was in an abusive relationship awhile back and I remember feeling the same way. She wont leave until she's done. For me it took 6 months beating and eventually a very brutal rape for me to be done. You cant help someone who doesn't want help. =/ it sucks and it hurts to watch it and i cry for everyone who has ever gone through it. you really dont understand until you are there. And it can happen to anyone. I used to be one of those girls who was like "why would you stay? if he hits you he doesn't love you."
i would tattle on her to someone who can force her to do it. or make sure she knows i am not keeping it in confidence so that she would be forced to break up with him. i would rather lose her friendship then know that she could wind up dead or paralyzed,
There's not a lot you can do. She has to do it herself unfortunately.
And WTF is up with this entry's picture? How insensitive to the topic at hand, damn.
OMG shit!! Reading those dialogues felt like some Lifetime (haha the Lifetime movie network channel for women) movie for me! I was afraid there was no happy ending for this one but whew, i'm glad to hear things are okay with "Sady" now. Sheesh -_-
Haha, well i applaud all the great effort that you took to get her mom involved, and everybody else to get his ass some restraining order. That what i'd say to do: inform the parents or some authority to FORCE them apart 'cause that kind of love is sooooo not gonna' make anybody happy.
Abuse isn't cool.
Unfortunately, that's how a lot of conversations go. "i dont want him to get in troulbE" "i lurve him" "i m fine"
whisperitloudly@xanga -- I just read your comment. An abusive boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is a little easier to break apart, but a marriage? I see the frustration there. Kids, finances, being "the parents", jobs -- everything is at stake there. I have no idea how to approach this except to just keep encouraging the wife to leave and to probably catch/record the guy in the act and then show it to the police or something.
I'd try to do as much as I possibly could.
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@MegaxGurls2@xanga - They need to learn that any person who's love you should trust to be honest or true would have a built in lock that prevents him/her from willfully causing stress to others; physical, mental or emotional. That is a necessary condition of real love.
you are an AWESOME friend. good work!
you be there for her, document any injuries she may have in a diary, b/c theyd come in handy when putting the abuser behind bars. any weapons etc. but the main thing is to be there, to support her, even when she wont accept your help, alway sbe there no matter what.
ME AND MY GFs ALWAYS HAVE THIS TALK AND I MEAN ALWAYS AND WE ALWAYS REMIND EACH OTHER IF SHIT LIKE THAT EVER CAME ABOUT WE WILL HELP EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS EVEN IF WE TELL EACH OTHER WE LOVE OUR MAN... SO FAR THANK THE LORD NOTHING LIKE THAT HAS HAPPENED BUT WE KNOW IF IT EVER DOES HAPPEN WE KNOW WHAT TO DO...
GOOD FOR YOUR FRIEND! AND GOOD FOR YOU FOR HELPING HER OUT! PROPS TO YOU!
YOUR A GREAT FRIEND FOR WHAT U DID FOR HER, I GIVE U SO MUCH CREDIT FOR WHAT U DID. GOOD FOR U AND IM GLAD YOUR FRIEND IS HAPPILY MARRIED AND PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER LITTLE ONE AND THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR GOOD FRIENDSHIP.
The hell is with the picture? :|
@xxtrunxluver69xx@xanga - You're right, it is complicated. Like she said, if she moves out, legally she's still responsible to help pay the mortgage on the house, so how can she pay that and for a place to live? He's already threatened her that if she leaves him he'll have her declared unfit and take the kids from her.
It's SO hard to leave a relationship like that, and usually the abused will leave when he/she is ready to, not when people are telling them to. You can only help someone if they want to be helped, unfortunately :S. But you can also do everything you can to help them see they are involved with something very bad for them.
ps what the fuck kind of picture is that? These "funny" inspirations are going wayyy too far.
what the hell thats not the picture i have on the original pst O.O O.O
i would fucking kill the guy if a guy did that to any of my friends. okay maybe not kill. but i sure as hell would talk some sense into my friend and tell him to fuck off. and maybe mess with him and all.
No, but you did the right thing. :]