Friday, 11 September 2009
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"I'm sorry.... WHAT?!"
Oh, no he didn't! --- Let me rewind...
So I've been seeing this guy for about five months. We've had our ups, our downs, our stupid arguments, our amazing makeups, and everything else in between. And through all of this, we both knew that we didn't want the title of boyfriend-girlfriend; we were just going to go with the flow of things--every man's dream: a girl who wants everything that comes in a relationship without the dirty stuff--feelings.
I enjoyed it as much as he did; I enjoyed not having to call him every day just to ask him how his day was because I really didn't care; I enjoyed doing my own thing without having to ask him, like going out with the girls on a Friday night; I enjoyed this relationship I had with him. And then reality hit, I was falling for him; so much for those nonexistent feelings, they were clearly there. So I told him how it was; I wanted us to be official and he replies, "I can't." Typical. We got into a heated argument and we left it at that...
Three weeks later: He tells me today, he slept with someone three weeks ago. He then has the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't get mad because it's not like we're in a relationship.
I'm sorry, what did you say? Can someone please define what relationship means? Because I definitely think we're in a relationship. Better yet, someone, please enlighten me how men think?
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- From: TheUglyTruth
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Comments (109)
A relationship is when he asks you to be his girlfriend, or you come to a mutual agreement in that area and it just sorta happens, and then you're together. It sounds like he really just doesn't want to be with you.
Men don't think.
WHAT?! is right.
Get yourself out before you get even more hurt.
Douchey McDoucheDouche. *nodnod*
I think you needed to make it official.
well, they think that if you're not in a defined bf/gf situation where you've talked about it, then nothing else matters. btw i love your profile pic! is that zhao wei?
Well if nothing is "official" and you haven't laid any boundaries, he has the right to sleep with or date whomever he likes - with you and however many other girls on the side.
Clearly, he doesn't want a monogamous relationship with you, so why are you still using him?
If you don't have feelings for him ("a relationship without the dirty stuff--feelings") then you shouldn't be fooling around with him. If you do have feelings for him ("I wanted us to be official") and he says he doesn't want a relationship, then he's obviously using you.
You're not in a relationship, you're using him for warm fuzzies and he's using you for whatever reasons he has.
i don't think relationship status can be assumed. unless you both agreed to be mutually exclusive, you can't fault him for sleeping with someone else. it certainly wasn't nice, but still fair game.
This is an old trick used by men to justify their need to screw around. They do everything with you except admit to being your boyfriend. Without that admission, they can justify all of their actions by saying that you two were never technically together and they'd be right! If you cannot handle this bull, don't get involved with it. There are some women who can pull it off as easily as these men and they are able to corner the douches into a relationship but what for? By that time, those women don't want anything as much as their male counterparts. Let them frollic in the crap until the phase runs its course. It seems to be the new "relationship" thing going on.
Its a relationship. but hes not your boyfriend. technically he could do whatever he wanted.
You said you agreed that you didn't want the title, so I don't think you really do have a right to get mad. If you guys weren't together, you were able to do what you wanted and he was able to do what he wanted. It seemed, in the beginning, you were happy with that. Just because all of a sudden you aren't happy with it anymore doesn't mean his mind has changed. You guys never made it official, so he was still single.
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - Well said!
It doesn't sound like he's gonna give you the type of relationship you want anytime soon. Don't waste your time trying to figure this one out, if he wanted to get serious with you he would've already.
The funny thing was I had a conversation about this same exact topic last night with one of my friends. She had a fling with a guy over the summer and now he has feelings for her, but she doesn't for him. He won't back down and she told him directly that she doesn't want a relationship.
But, relationship is very broad and mean different things. A friendship is a form of relationship. But nowadays, people only use the term to describe boyfriend and girlfriend. So technically, he is right if you both agreed on not having a title and that it's nothing serious. There were no boundaries for this fling and just because you developed feelings now doesn't mean it was applied in the past.
While TECHNICALLY, he could "do what he wanted," the responsible thing for him to do was to break it off - whatever it was - when you expressed that you had feelings. It seems like a friends with benefits situation, so he should've been a real man and said, "We shouldn't (insert physical stuff here) anymore."
Don't let him use you; once feelings are involved, you'll just get hurt.
That happened to me and it sucked. I moved on and found the love of my life. Just move on and you never know what you could find next.
honestly, i'd quit it with him, since he won't acknowledge that its a relationship. you're going to get hurt, although you did get yourself into this situation.
Apparently, if you said you didn't want it to be oficial and didn't care too much for making it official first, he will grasp the idea, and never fall foryou. You hurt yourself by thinking its even possible to keep from feeling the way you did. I don't think it is right what he said, but I'm sorry to say you had it coming by the type of relationship standards you set for him before.
It seems like the thing you celebrated about the relationship in the start is the very thing that is hurting you now.
You did the right thing by asking him to make it official once you realize you were falling for him, and he did the right thing also, by being honest with you and admitting that he cant do that.
You chose to continue seeing him knowing the relationship was going to remain casual...but if youre going to do that, you cant make expectations that he will behave like he would in an exclusive committed relationship, cause he made it clear to you already he doesnt want that...know what I mean?
Sounds like what you had was a FWB relationship, so I don't think screwing around is forbidden.
sweetheart... don't fall for a guy that can't commit to you. And the fact that he said he slept with another woman... who knows how many he has slept with while he was still seeing you.
Save yourself the grief and get out ASAP!
it really must have hurt hearing him admit he'd slept around right after you had expressed you wanted to be with him. what really confuses me is the fact that he'd even bother telling you. it makes it sound like he's interested, or at least maybe testing the waters with you. personally, i don't see him being worth your time to invest in. he'd have to say i'm sorry and i do want to wtih you. if not then maybe it's best you walk away before the stab wounds get deeper.
this is why i fear open relationships, friends with benefits, and swingers. either i get hurt or i hurt someone. sometimes the hard work and investment in the beginning pays off in the long run.
First of all, I'm not saying that what he did was ok. But, you probably should've made clear what it was that you wanted. You say that you think you and him are "definitely in a relationship." He probably didn't see it like that at all, as a real relationship. So he probably took that kind of like, "it's not a real relationship, so it's not like it'd be wrong of me to sleep with that other girl." BUT if you had made it clear that you wanted it to be a real relationship, just not a very serious one, then either there was some kind of very unfortunate miscommunication, or he's a douche.
Time to move on :/
Wow. Sounds like my situation back in the day.
But apparently, if you don't officially say "YOU ARE MY BOYFRIEND. I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND" then you are just another girl he can call up for a booty call & cuddle with when he feels lonely. I thought I was the only girl he was seeing and talking to until I saw another phone number under the "To:" area on my blackberry as I recieved a pic mail. It was a pic of his Mr. Winker.... as I looked back, I saw the same phone number under about 5+ pic mails... When I confronted him, he just said "I didnt know we were together like that. I was just talking to my ex."Unless you let him know that you are deliberately in a relationship with him, he believes he can do whatever he wants because there are no strings attatched. No set rules. No strong feelings.Its shocking & it hurts, but u have to remember, they think differently from us. =/
He's got himself covered! He was smart enough to say he didn't want to commit and that basically gives him freedom to do whatever he wants. After all, no status, no boundaries means no relationship. What did you expect?