A friend of mine recently asked me "What's the best way to get over a guy?" Without much thinking on my part, I blurted out "The best way to get over a guy is to get under another one." After spewing out those words like word vomit, I immediately retract and apologized for being a wise ass.
I have been doing some serious thinking lately and I wonder if girls give bad advice. Before I get pounded with hate mails and nasty comments with this post, let me just say I'm strictly referring to myself and my own personal experience. I hang out with a lot of guys and I've been told plenty of times my mentality is more in tune with a guy than with a girl. So I had a lapse in judgment and made a guy comment rather than what a girl would say which is probably something sensitive, sweet and positive.
When girls give advice, they tend to be bias and say what they think their friend wants to hear. Guys are more blunt and direct.
They'll never sugar coat anything for you unless they were trying to take the Mr. Sensitive route and maybe hoping to score some comfort sex. I remember back then whenever one of my friends went through a break up or had guy problems, we would always side with her no matter what. We would say things to make her feel better even if it wasn't true.
Did it help her? Maybe it helped boost her moral and ego so she got back into the dating game sooner but then there are always those who wanted a guy bashing session but secretly wanted to go back to the guy the minute we left. Sure, one friend suggested to keep yourself busy and surround yourself with friends but there's only so much you can do and you can't latch onto your friends 24/7.
It reminds me of the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" when girls can't say that one thing because you would then be labeled as the insensitive bitch with no heart. But it's true though. If he's avoiding her calls and he's not answering her back, do you really think he's just been THAT busy? Especially with how easy technology is these days. You can text anyone from almost anywhere and it only takes 30 seconds to punch out a short text like "...thinking about you" or "how are you" or "miss you." But bottom line is, this guy most likely won't call her back. Ever.
So now with these thoughts floating in the back of my head, I wonder what is the best advice for my friend. Should I go for the direct route and give her some tough love or should I go for the sensitive route and tell her what she wants to hear?
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Comments (52)
sometimes they could be on top
I am blunt and direct, too. If someone wants to be bullshitted, they can go elsewhere or just lie to themselves and save the effort.
Blunt and direct.
No, both genders have equal opportunity to do so. Advice
is based on personal experience and previous successful advice given to
advice giver. This is ofcourse if you are trying to give good advice and you have nothing against the person.
Oh btw, if a girl friend is giving her friend advice only her friend wants to hear, then she sucks as a friend. I don't know any of my girlfriends or there friends who do that unless they like to lie. Sure they give them options but try to guide them to what they think is best if they actually cared for that friend.
you have to be cruel to be kind
or at least.. that's what some say. :)
I'm blunt like this too. I would give them the honest answer but not say it so coldly. Make a *shudder* compliment sandwich or something.
am usually honest.
If you're a guy, you really roll the dice when you go to female friends for advice. If you're lucky, one or two might give you something useful that you can roll with and apply in a practical sense. The vast majority of the "advice" though will be plastic Hallmark-esque "feel good" stuff that doesn't help you at all.
I tell them the truth in love. I don't say the insensitive thing a guy would say because my girl friend isn't a guy she is a girl and needs to hear advice that she can relate to. So I tell her the truth, even if it is, "You need to get over him because he doesn't like you anymore," adding quickly, "you are a beautiful girl, and if he doesn't appreciate you, someone else will".
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - compliment sandwich! Good way to put it.
"Guy comment"? Lol ok.
Anyone can give bad advice, regardless of gender. I always think the best approach is to be honest and straightforward. I expect the same thing from anyone I seek advice from, girl or guy.
doesn't quite answer the question you asked, but i think girls give terrible advice when it comes to helping out their guy friends chase girls. sadly, there's a discrepancy between what girls think they want, and what they actually go for.
it all depends on the person. everybody can be good at it or bad. everyone has a chance to be able to give great advice. some have been through things so they know more and can give better advice than others. its not gender related.
you have to let her know the truth even if it doesn't sound so great or you know she won't like it. if you're a true friend you would tell her directly of course not a harsh tone or in a tone that makes her think you're mad at her or pushing her to something she doesn't want to. and no it doens't mean girls can't give out advice it just means sometimes we tend to blurt out what we are thinking. it's in our nature. but not just because it is means we have to say everything that comes through we need to be able to control it. best way to get over a guy is to spend time with friends and people who will lift our spirit up or in this case your friend's. also to not isolate ourselves from other people no matter how much we are hurt [or in this case your friend]. also take things slowly and allow time to heal the wounds. of course sometimes you can't heal all wounds but you can cope with them to live a better life and not have them bring your self esteem all the time. over time she will find someone who will possibly even be the one she was looking for. what has happened can even be an experience in which she can learn from and know how to make things better and what not to do while in a relationship. this can help strengthen a relationship later on [if even the case].
I'm usually quite blunt when people come to me for relationship advice - sugarcoating things just doesn't feel right to me.
id say direct but nicely?
if its possible
my friends give awesome advice... i just wish i listened to them more.
I think when it comes to advice giving and serious discussions, to avoid confusion or future complications I ALWAYS specify if what I am saying is NOT "take my word for it". It's always "this is my opinion..." If the person actually asks my advice or what I would do, then again I repeat that "this is what I would do if I were in YOUR situation" basically underlining that I'm not telling her what she should/should not do. Ultimately, it's the other person's decision, but if they are seeking outside opinions to form a decision then one should be honest adn straightforward with them.
sometimes the advice you need is not the kind of thing you want to hear, but you still want to be told what you want to hear to feel better in the moment...and then you're ready for the honest, blunt truth of it all. o girls...why do we make things so complicated?
@curious_maya@xanga - ...but not too cruel. Hehe! Just enough to get the point.
yeah, in my experience, girls will tell their friends anything just to save face. of course there is a way to be honest without being brutal; i just think a lot of people don't realize it, and thus feel compelled to sugar coat. thing is, the truth comes out eventually, and it's a lot worse to be remembered for being even slightly dishonest than for being blunt.
i so agree with you.
Yes, girls do give bad advice and nice response :)
It doesn't matter what gender you are. I don't believe in contributing to the delusion so all of my friends know that I'm going to be honest. You don't have to be harsh but telling someone the truth can really help them out more than lying.
For example, my guy friend was recently dumped for the 10th time by a mutual girl friend of ours. I finally told him to either accept a relationship filled with drama and shut up about it or let it go. I think that if you accept to be with someone that treats you like crap, you shouldn't bitch and moan about it so much because everyone already knows how crappy your relationship is. You have the right to make a decision and mine is to not hear the same repetitive crap from you over and over. It's meant in the nicest way and it's not that I don't want you to be happy but I know you aren't going to leave so I suggest you curb the humiliation by figuring it out yourself.
Truth be told, your initial advice to the other girl was sound. Psych research has shown that it really is the best way to get over a breakup.