Friday, 11 September 2009
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Don't Beat Around The Bush!
I've been thinking about how guys and girls in these days have a hard time being direct and getting to the point. If you like us you like us, and I'll either like you back or not. I know that the question is easy to ask it's the answer that we're afraid of, but shoot, asking makes you seem so over the edge. How do you even ask it, "hey I like you and I was wondering if you liked me?" seems a little too cheesy for me.
So here's the way of the world, instead of asking we try to analyze and observe, making meanings out of the certain persons actions but then we end up thinking way too much and get overly confident then disappointed when we realize they were just being "friendly".
So as a girl, I ask the boys, if you like a girl but don't exactly want to shout it to the world, or seem unsure if you want to actually be with them, how do you act towards them? Do you talk to them a certain way? Is it in your voice? Body language?
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- From: lovemigraine
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Comments (43)
If we call/text you everday. Or if we remember little things about you. (you don't like salmon, you always wear a certain blouse etc..)
PS FIRST!
I've always been really forward with guys, telling them I have a crush on them and then I just wait for their reaction. It's usually well recieved through flattery, but there's the occassional rejection, which stings but at least you know so you can move on.
With my boyfriend we were hanging out a lot, going to the movies, making out hehe but there was never any mention of "so where's this going?". I just flat out said one night, "You know I like you and I think you like me, so if you wanted to make this official I wouldn't say 'No'" lol not long after we became exclusive and still going strong over 4 years later.
People need to just man up, I agree. If you like someone, tell them! The worst that can happen is that they turn you down (oh no not that! ::rolls eyes::) and if someone admits to liking you then be civil and polite and return the favor by being honest with them, it's a simple yes or no.
must.. not make .. lewd joke about title. =p
it'd be nice if people understood tone and body language, but there are so many ways that can be misconstrued. i like being forward and i appreciate others getting to the point.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - Wooo, glad I wasn't the first person to think that way haha.
In a perfect world, everyone would just be direct and too the point, but unfortunately we have to play these little games. It would be so much simpler if we can go "hey, I like you, do you like me?" without it being so awkward.
I use to know a girl that would always be rude to me. Supposedly, that was her psylogical way of forcing herself to not admit she liked me.
Yea, how odd is that?
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - lol i thot it was gonna be a post about shaving or something. lol
well, if we like you back, we'll comply. if the girl says no, though, they usually mean it. i hate when guys can't take rejection so they stick on and ask over and over and over. yes, maybe i'd like to still be friends but please take a hint! (or a direct no.) or if you can't, maybe you'd better stop trying to be so close.
I always fail to notice IF a guy likes me.
*sigh*
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - @Roadlesstaken@xanga - I almost didn't read this post cause of the title. lol. All I could think was "Is it about THAT, really?!"
I used to just tells guys I liked them. I didn't care. I didn't have anything to lose. If they like me, great. If not, well then, I'd be in the same boat I was in.
I told my current SO that I liked him. We were married a year later. =)
Yeah, I thought this post was going to be about pubic hair, too.
I used to be the type of person that beat around the bush, looked for subitle hints and waited to see if the guy would say something first, but I realized doing that caused me to miss out on a lot of good guys, so now I get to know them, see how they act and such and then once it seems like the right moment i come right out and tell them my feelings towards the situation and ask how they feel :)
It would be a lot easier if we could just do/say everything directly. Sometimes it's fun to try to decode things. But it does drive you crazy after a while.
I've always been the one that never reveals anything and you have to figure out how I feel about you on your own. And I would also try to figure out if the guy likes me, studying the way he acts around me or talks to me. I promised myself that the next time I like a guy, I won't beat around the bush. That way I won't be wasting so much time and get straight to the point.
let's be straightforward, but sometimes that loses the fun. eh. i guess its all in moderation?
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - hahaha. you make me laugh. =)
@TheScaleDiaries@xanga - good point!
I think that if a guy really cares about you, then he calls you and texts you everyday to talk about anything. if he screws up and makes a mistake, and then apologizes you know you must mean a lot to him because it takes a lot for guys to apologize
There is no body language that tells you, "I'm going to play with your emotions and leave you crying in the dirt." I'd strongly recommend the traditional method of asking point blank at the appropriate time. Don't start telling that to everyone you meet.
Well I dont mean any apology, if you know him well enough to know forsure its a sincere apology then it means he cares, but if it doesnt seemlike he means it or if he just does the same thing over then ofcourse he must be a bullshitter
ughhhhhhhh i really wish i knew it when the guy like me or not.... if i did, i wouldn't be so flustered and frustrated!
There's one problem I notice about this whole topic, and why I think most people don't speak out about their feelings for others.
Sometimes, and this is from personal experience, when you let someone know that you like them by telling them outright (subtly, even), they'll be freaked out and end up not even wanting to be your friend at all afterward. It's some kind of friendship destroyer that sometimes takes years to get past, and sometimes never gets solved at all.
I think if people would stop doing that, things would be soo much easier, ne?
But it's not that easy.
That example scared me out of telling people when I liked them for the rest of my life, so far.
@SupperMick@xanga - I can't say that is true. I ended up falling for a guy who called/texted me everyday, and we hung out, just the two of us... but he didn't like me back. It does bother me, because he sent out those signals... and I fell for him thinking he liked me, but I guess he was just being 'friendly' :/
@TangMSU@xanga - Maybe she was afraid of/didn't want a commitment...? or maybe she was afraid that she wouldn't like you back?
@love76forever@xanga - That would nice if that was true.. I knew a guy who did each of that and he didn't like me back. I took the plunge and told him, but he didn't tell me anything back :/
@sweeetstache@xanga - ditto
I don't know. Since I was little guys buy me things and I throw the things back in their face and say they shouldn't waste their money. I've liked only one person enough to tell him I liked him, and otherwise I get roped into relationships. I was 23 by the time I actually had a big enough "crush" to actually call a guy and tell him because I don't talk to boys/guys/men. Hence, why I throw things back at them...I didn't know it was coming. It's like you are going to come to me with things without even speaking to me first? So I went the whole year thinking no one liked me (girls included) and now you are giving me a present? I never learned anything from it because I never liked them back. I didn't know what it even felt like to feel "crushed." Until I was like 23- til really now at 25. Its horrible. I never got that I was being given cues, because I just didn't feel it back period. So I lived in that oblivion you have when you are younger- when everyone is just a kid doing what they do. This did not serve me because when it was "finals" time I didn't know what was going on. I knew how I felt, but I didn't know how to communicate it like I would like to. So I said something I thought was smart, "I like you, but it's not kosher to covet." He was seeing another girl too. So I was saying its not cool in the sense that out of respect for... kosher as cool is hard to explain...to do the right thing is to do the cool thing. And I so wanted to break them up, but he was studying and working hard with this other girl and who wants to be a burden? And I'm always called things like selfish, self-absorbed, spoiled, and I've learned people think I'm flirting when I'm not. Since, I knew that I wanted to break them up, I knew that I would do at the very least subtle things to distract him. I knew I didn't crush him, I Loved him. I figured if he was wasting time in the car with me, he was at the very least keeping me on the side as a fail safe. Truthfully, I listened to bad advice and not my heart. I didn't see what I should have learned about how guys react. I think guys can get crushes on anyone. That's why modest behavior, even more than modest dress, is so important. I still say if you like someone, than bet on yourself. Say it, and don't be like me. Say it clearly. Don't try to be witty. Don't go to a "friend." Even if your friend means well...they are different than you. That's probably why you keep them around. In matters of the heart, it's so tricky. There is an r&b duet that has the man and the woman ask each other how they knew it was real between them and they reply "G-d told me so." I also heard once that people are computers with viruses (demons, stories, baggage) and love is the software you download. Well, you have to have the right software and it has to be compatible with your computer and you have to know how to do it. Like each person has a code.