Do I live in the past? Someone I love said that I shouldn't be in a relationship because I relive past romances. That isn't true. I reflect on the freedom that allowed me to throw myself into past romances. I don't have that kind of freedom now. I feel things so much more deeply now, everything is so much more intense and poignant and fleeting flings have no place in my life. I don't miss it at all. I want something more than a teenage summer dream.
I don't think it's fair for a current partner to judge someone on past relationships. There are many sources in media that reflect on every past relationship being a stepping stone to The One. I think this is true. Life's course can be changed by the smallest thing, every past relationship taught me a lesson I needed to learn before I was ready for the next. Keeping this in mind has kept me from being bitter and cold to the opposite sex.
If you find something unsavory or jealousy-inspiring about your partner's romantic past, don't fight about it. Seek reassurance that you are everything they want, sure, because everyone needs some reassurance sometimes. If they love you, they will be hurt that you doubt their affections because of some fanciful romance of years gone by.
In my opinion, what matters is the here and now. My heart beats now for you, Mister, and if you'll let it, it always will.
Do you believe in the ghosts of relationships past? Do they hurt or help?
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Comments (24)
I know my relationship is going to haunt me for forever. My ghosts will probably scare away anyone I might have stood a chance with.
I think ghosts of past relationships help me to move on and stay away from anyone who seems like them. I think of the ghosts and I never want to go back to the lowest points in my life.
I agree--everything that you experience is a preparation for something ahead of you. If I'd done even one thing differently in the past, I wouldn't be exactly where I am today. And I like where I'm at today.
In the past, I've gotten jealous over stupid things, but with my current man, I'm not jealous at all. I'm thankful for every girl that kept him company and put a smile on his face until I got to him. And I'm even more thankful that most of the girls in his past treated him like crap, because it allowed him to see something amazing once it was in front of him! In his mind, I'll always be his first love and the only girl who's ever mattered, because I'm the only one who's treated him the way he deserves. And that's a pretty nice feeling. :)
I do believe in those kinds of ghosts and am currently living with one now, every night for that matter!
I think they harm more than help, because I haven't been able to move on yet. In a way, every man comes my way now, I always compare and contrast him to my ghost :(
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I don't completely agree. You can learn all of the important lessons very well without getting too deep before "The One" comes along. If you can't, that reflects very badly on you. You only make my list if you were never intentionally physically intimate with anyone; that's my first priority. I can't feel at home with a woman unless she can match my integrity and judgment; nobody who disagrees on this can.
All my relationships led me to exactly where I needed to be. I sometimes wish I would have never even bothered with those relationships, but hey, if they got me where I am now then there's no way I'd trade them. No matter how worthless they seem to be to me, they're priceless for getting me to here and now.
@jasonwl@xanga - "Nobody who disagrees on this can." You have no idea how much I love that.
since i tend to wait to get "super-serious" i have only two relationships in the past that i consider serious, and one is my present one. my prior one ended mutually because he moved 1000 miles away and there was simply no chance of us seeing each other. my current relationship is perfectly happy, and i have no "ghosts"
however!
my current boyfreind has had numerous relationships in the past, some serious, some not, and i would consider running into those girls (3 of which i see on a daily basis on campus and elsewhere) as some type of "ghosts". they were not MY expereinces per se, but i am haunted by them none the less because of what they had with my boyfriend.
i think they can both help and hurt, depending on whether the relationship was healthy or unhealthy. my first bf taught me how to love again after my dad walked out on us. without that relationship, i wouldn't be who i am today, and i am so thankful i had him in my life.
my most recent bf, though, was hurt really badly by a girl who cheated on him and played games with his mind and heart. we just broke up because he won't let me get close, and i can't take him blowing hot and cold anymore. so i think whether or not the ghosts help or hurt depends on whether the relationship itself help or hurt, more than anything else.
sometimes its hard to forget about the past so easily. but that is true that what matters is the here and now. nothing else
I think everyone learns from people, but when you meet someone that is truly special the past won't matter.
when i was still dating my ex, the past relationship with my first love always haunted me and him. my ex was always commenting on my first love and how he wanted him out of my life. my first love was always in my life even though our relationship was over. our families were friends and he always thought that some day i would change my mind and come back to him but that never happened so he got engaged. so my past was always coming in between us and his was too. his ex was always hanging around, poking her head into our business and it made it really difficult for us to be in a relationship. we tried to make the relationship work for about 2 years and then both decided to call it quits afterwards. i think if the past relationship was a good one then it wouldn't hurt the current one too much but if it ended badly, it's always going to affect someone until they won't let it do that to them.
I believe it, and i'm still haunted.. but it doesn't hurt anymore.
i feel as though my last relationship was just biding time till this one came around. lol - its not how i saw it at the time, but seeing it like that now makes it ok.
Everyone has a past so it's better to focus on the present and future. Even though I had to go through a lot of heartbreaks to get to where I am today, I wouldn't trade my past relationships for anything. The past helped me to figure out what type of guy makes me happy and is compatible with me.
I absolutely adore the movie, Ghost.
well if people only knew how to learn from their past mistakes then yess...but some people never leanr thier mistakes unfortunately
@asininity - i fuh-reakin' LOVE Ghost <3 :)
ahhhhhhh summer love
Well if he/she is still talking to the person they had romantic past with, that can either go both ways, imo.
I def am dealing with a ghost. She is always in my head and my heart still races when I think of her. Pathetic, I know. lol
Well... Once I am over someone, I am completely over them, and they don't interfere with current relationships; all though, there have been times I've thought of past relationships when the one I was most recently in ended. I think that's because I've never been able to really rebound, though. It won't get past a couple of dates if someone else is still on my mind. That's probably why I usually have a year between real relationships, though my most recent one began about six months after my last one ended.
yes i believe in ghosts of relationships past and it sucks. it may directly help the person with the ghost because they learned from that relationship and grew as a person and grew in knowledge for the next relationship. however, the person dating the person with the ghost, not so good. they always compare or bring it up or get jelous of what was. the saying your past will always haunt you, certainly rings true.