Thursday, 10 September 2009
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Open Relationships Are Healthy?
I've grown up thinking people should have only one significant other, and I've had the naive view that infidelity in relationships was fairly uncommon. Studies, statistics and friends who have kept me up all night several times to talk about their cheating/lying SO have proven to me that this is a widespread thing. But is it really the person's fault for wanting to sleep with more than one person? I've also seen many studies that show that humans are not naturally monogamous - that we have been evolving to become that way but there's still a few thousand years to go.
In the 3 serious relationships I have been in, I've never had a problem being faithful and honest with my girlfriends, and as far as I know, they have been totally honest with me. But I recently hooked up with someone who claimed to be in an open relationship. They had their share of time together and are quite serious about each other. Yet they are free to see other people, whether it be platonic, just sharing a hobby, sex buddies or something in between. And there seemed to be no jealousy, no dishonest behavior, no sneaking around. Just two people that love each other but realize that they cannot fully meet their partner's needs, so they should allow their partner to get their needs met from other people. And she was up front with me about the situation.
At first I was a bit taken aback because I hadn't ever given such a relationship any real thought, but I can definitely see how this could be a healthy way to live. At least for awhile. Trust and honestly in relationships are by far the most important things to me and in traditional relationships, they are the things that most frequently lead to break-ups and divorce. Open relationships seem to just make the need to be dishonest dissipate dramatically. I suppose there would be a higher jealousy factor than in a monogamous relationship but if you know what to expect and trust that the person still loves you (and can admit that you don't want to be together all the time), it may not be a big issue.
What are your thoughts on open relationships?
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- From: dredog03@xanga
- Name: Andre
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Comments (83)
I wouldn't be in an open relationship, not on your life.
Hmmm...
"Just two people that love each other but realize that they cannot fully
meet their partner's needs, so they should allow their partner to get
their needs met from other people."
I... don't know. Why not find someone who can meet their needs? I understand that there can never be a perfect guy/girl who can meet all your needs but one thing I've learned in life is we cannot have it all. Life is about choices right? And to me, being in an open relationship is refusal to make a choice and stand up for that choice. I don't know.
ugh no. never. not for me, anyway. i get jealous easily.
hrm, i'd never. as much as i hate to admit, i'd get too jealous.
No, I don't share, sorry.
I think the whole "meet your needs" thing is kind of silly. Unless we're talking about you're into S&M and he's not, then that's different. But, oh, he likes football and I don't, or I like hiking and he doesn't or whatever... that's what your best friends are for. You do things with them that your SO doesn't want to do. You don't have to fuck them, too.
"Just two people that love each other but realize that they cannot fully
meet their partner's needs, so they should allow their partner to get
their needs met from other people."
That's the problem right there. When are people finally going to understand that love is not about satisfying YOUR needs? It's the exact opposite! Real love is SELFLESS and requires putting yourself LAST to honor your SO. It's not surprising at all that the divorce rate is so high when people go into marriage with the mindset described in this post. And it baffles me how people seem to think that marriage itself is the problem. It's not; the problem is with people who just don't understand it, or are too selfish to adhere to its principles.
NO WAY!
open relationships.. are not healthy! well, that's my opinion.
does anyone rem that tyra bank show, the episode of the married couple with other sex partners, and they're ok with it. gross.
for kicks, why not? but not for anything serious.
hmm, interesting post
but.. i don't think i would ever want to be in an open relationship.
Nope, not for me.
I can honestly see how open relationships can be healthy for some people, but it takes a very certain kind of person and a very mutual agreement. I know that I, personally, could never be in an open relationship. Find a person who you love, and with who your personal needs are met, sexually, emotionally, etc., at least most of the time, and everything else is what you have your friends for. If, however, a couple is perfectly at ease and happy with an open relationship, then that's great for them, all the happiness in the world to them!
Actually...recently i have been tossing the idea that it may be okay to be with someone and hook up and just have fun but not have that commitment...at least it's okay in the begining.
If the intentions are to hopefully one day have a committed relationship, or one thinks there's that possibility it's fine...
I think if one feels comfortable with that type of relationship with someone,,,than why not? as long as it is realized what the relationship really is...the effects and outcomes...and the high possibility if getting hurt.
I agree. Honesty is of the utmost importance in a relationship, regardless of who you are or who you're with. Open relationships seem like an invitation for those who are afraid of commitment. Besides that, what does it teach us about monogamy? If you don't believe in monogamy, then what does it teach us about trust?
No way. :P I don't understand the concept of an open relationship being because one person can't meet your needs, that's sad. I love knowing I make my man happy and meet his needs emotionally, physically, etc and that he feels and does the saem for me. To think of being with anyone else but him makes my skin crawl and I'm not a jealous person, but I AM selfish and I would not stand for sharing him with another woman.
Personally I think it's for people who believe they can't have their cake and eat it too in a committed, monogamous relationship, which is totally untrue.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - very well said
I think that you can try to be in an open relationship, but it'll only work if it lasts a short amount of time.
I find that after a few months, it's not going to work because you get attached or you want to move on because I think that basic human nature dictates that if you're dating someone that you really like, you want all of that person to yourself.
If you say that you don't get emotionally attached to that person, then how do you call it a relationship? Wouldn't it just been friends with benefits? I really don't think those work -___-
Personally, I think "relationship" and "monogamous" go hand in hand. You can try not to label it, but not doing so will probably just drive you insane.
My advice would be to find someone that won't hurt you, unless you're one of those people that really can be in an open relationship, in which case, more power to you! I don't know anyone like that >.<
eh, no.
the excuse "our relationship is strong enough to withstand this" is just that, an excuse. if your partner can't satisfy your needs, sexually, emotionally, mentally, whatever, the fact is the relationship probably is based on just feelings, not compatability, and your relationship is so weak that you need to resort to other people to satisfy you.
so i guess try it if you want, but be prepared for probable disappointment.
If I ever date, it's the only way I want to go. I'm 22, have never dated. There's a reason for that, and dating (and especially exclusive dating) doesn't appeal to me at the time being.
If I ever do date, I will be in open relationships only...I couldn't date the same person for any extended period of time. It's just not who I am.
They are healthy to me, as long as either partner does not want or stat wanting anything else.
In my opinion it depends on the people in the relationship and the kind of open relationship they're looking for. If it's just two people who see each other but also see other people as often as they want to thats one thing. If it's two people in a relationship who occasionally invite other people into the relationship for fun that's another thing.
I don't think there is anything wrong with that kind of relationship, it's just whether or not it's right for you. A lot of the time, it's too difficult for people who really do just want a commited relationship.
I agree!
Humans beings, as a species, really aren't meant to mate for life. In most monogamous, long-term relationships, the partners often grow bored of each other and constantly try to find things to keep them interested in each other. It's really not healthy because you're repressing your primal urges towards another person just because you're with a "significant other".
It seems healthier, physically. However, to keep it working, more effort has to be made by all members of the party to keep the lines of communications open and be more honest. There's more effort.
Sure, an open relationship isn't my thing, but neither is a monogamous one.
- Kunoichi
i'm in an open relationship right now and i don't see any problems so far. we are both mature (25 and 26) adults and both believe in honesty. this is probably why it works so well. i think when people take sex way too seriously is where the problems start. relax, it's just another activity. there are people who think masturbation is frowned upon when you're in a relationship. these kinds of people are the ones who would not be able to handle an open relationship. and that's okay, it's their opinion and i have nothing against it. it really depends on the person. i'm rambling, i know. sorry!
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - Amen!
I would never ever be in a relationship like that. I do NOT share. If you want to date around, then you don't want to date me.
I think open relationships are for people who don't want to commit. If the person you are dating doesn't meet your "needs", then they aren't the person for you. So instead of dating a slew of people and using each one to fulfill some sort of need/void in your life, I think it's better to just accept that this person isn't right for you and find someone who is.
I think that open relationships can be very healthy. Just like anything in a relationship, as long as both parties (or more) are cool with how things on, it's cool.
I sometimes wish I was the type of person who could be cool with that kind of relationship. I think there is something in those relationships (some kind of love) that most people (including me) don't get to experience. : )
@xocomaox@xanga - that's hella cool, man. just wanted you to know not everyone is hating on open relationships here. : /