I recently had my blog
"Men Want Women Who Look Like This!", posted up a couple days ago, as I was skimming through the throng of "Good for you," "Kick his ass," "That ain't cool," comments, I noticed one that really popped out at me, and while I don't totally all the way agree with this blogger's quote to my blog, I understand the point:
"No offense to females. But why are they so weak? Are women really so desperate for another person's attention that they completely change themselves to make the other person "happy" at the expense of their OWN happiness? Are all women naturally so insecure about themselves that they'll just LET themselves be played with so easily? Yes, I am a misogynist, but with good reason. I have never met a strong woman. Once a woman realizes that she's more than a trophy, she's more than a piece of clay for someone else to bend and mold at their will, then I'll begin to respect them. This isn't the man's fault for taunting and breaking the woman, but the woman's fault for putting up with it and letting herself be treated like garbage. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-
KrazeeKunoichi009@xanga.
Now the reason why I put that quote here is because, it's true. I don't always believe it's women who change themselves when they find a guy they want to be with, I believe men do it to, but sometimes it's just because we lose sight of ourselves in that relationship because we wanna try so hard to make it work and maybe we want to feel loved by this person. When we all know it's completely overrated to change ourselves so badly to fit into a mold that your SO wants you to fit perfectly, when we all are not perfect.
I mean if you want to change, it's true, change for yourself not just because someone tells you to do so because they say "You would look better if you lose 50 pounds," or "You see that girl, if you worked out more, you can be sexy like her." If I could only go back in time I would of slapped my 16-year-old self senseless for being with that idiot, but then I'm glad I learned that lesson, because after all my ex-SO put me through, I became stronger and respected myself more then anyone would ever know.
Do you agree or disagree with the quote? Do you believe that people change when they are in a relationship?
Comments (112)
I agree.
i agree half and disagree half of the quote
Do you believe that people change when they are in a relationship? yes
i agree for the most part. some women are very strong, stubborn, and can be plain downright SCARY as the opposite of it
I think I agree, for the most part, except it's not just women that are weak. Men can be weak too, but rather than be pushed around like some women are by men, when the roles are reversed, men just put up with bs and don't do anything about it.
There are good kinds of change in relationships. But I'm not fucking "weak." I've lost plenty of boyfriends because I refused to meet certain physical wants, acted a certain way, dressed a certain way. Their loss, not mine. I think they're the weak ones.
Wow. I am a little bit infuriated.
i don't agree.
A person cannot maipulate you with berating comments without your permission. On some level you have to agree, or at the very least respect that person's judgment more than your own. Otherwise you would dismiss the comments out of hand. I agree with the commentor to the extent that it is difficult to respect a person that does not respect herself.
In this case, the guy berating you about your body is an ass hole. But he is only evil and manipulative because his comments were given more value than they deserve.
$0.02
I don't agree. I think both people change at least a "little" after being together for a very long time. And in the case of my relationship, my boyfriend was the one doing all the changing, and it was very hard to get him to stop!
It's pretty hard not buying into a guy's bullshit. You're young, you've come from a shitty family, and what friends you have surrounded yourself with are just as fucked up.. they don't know any better either. So this guy comes along, treats you like you're the greatest thing in the world and you start to love him. Then after three months he shows his true colors and by that time, you're hooked. You're fucked. You'll do anything to keep him around because he's the only person who's ever made you feel special, loved, and given you happiness.
Maybe I am weak for falling into that when I was turning 16.
But there are relationships where you can learn from your partner and better yourself. Relationships like that you take something good from it forever. You grow.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt said that.
I agree, but then I don't, we are all human and we can't always be perfect, but when someone tells us something to hurt us, it hurts. A lot to. But for a guy to say that to you is just plan old horrible, disrespecting, and unloving. He should like you for the way you are, skinny, not skinny, fat, not fat, Smoker, not smoker, ect. But that is just how people think when they are told something horrible.
Ok, KrazeeKunoichi009@xanga has valid points...but Angel_Cross19 , (and most of us that have ever been in an abusive relationship) please consider this: how old were you when this happened? In your case, you were around 16! You aren't supposed to know how to properly handle that kind of situation, you're still growing up and figuring out who you are to begin with, just like a child, outside influences are key in determining who "you" were! Music, clothes, movies, friend/family/S.O. opinions/values...if you notice, the vast majority of teens revolve their sense of self around these things.
Secondly, and this is mainly addressed to the commentator: If you get a real jerk in your face who you are supposed to "love" and/or care for and he/she is always in your face, yelling, screaming, putting you down, or (god forbid) hitting...you're telling me it's easy to stand up for yourself and walk away completely unaffected? ...that you never question "hey, maybe they're right..." and let it get you down in some way? If you answered YES, you have either been very lucky in life or you are being dishonest. You cannot say someone is weak for having a source of hardship in their life. As an outsider you should wish very hard that these abused people will persevere through it knowing that when its over they will emerge from the whole experience stronger and wiser than you can ever begin to imagine. Speaking from someone who was there, I say with clarity: KrazeeKunoichi009@xanga, you are gravely mistaken.
I would completely agree with that comment, if it didn't just pick on females. Everyone does that. There will always be one thing, or many things, that will cause you to lose yourself. You will want it so much - be it happiness, success, ambition, and yes, falling in love - that you will forget who you are. You will change everything about yourself so you can have that. A better job, the perfect family, the love of your life. Any of those things could make you totally forget who you are. People can completely change for something they really want. It's not just women.
Sure, a lot of women are insecure, but then again, life for men is just a penis measuring contest. Men are so incredibly insecure about their masculinities. Why is it that girls can sleep in one bed, kiss each other on the cheek, and cuddle with each other without people going "eww, you're lesbian," but guys would never even think about holding another guy's hand [in American society]? Men are constantly trying to up one another because, ultimately, they are so insecure about themselves. So, don't even try to say that only women are insecure. What is that saying? The fragilest thing is the male ego.
So, please. Just grow up. Realize that you have to judge everyone as an individual. The reason we have so much conflict is because we always try to judge people in groups. Any overarching opinion about a group of people is always going to be wrong. You can't just say all women are weak, or all white people are rich. That's just not true.
I can't believe there are people who admit to being misogynists with pride.....
Okay, I really, REALLY don't agree with this one part: "This isn't the man's fault for taunting and breaking the woman, but the woman's fault for putting up with it and letting herself be treated like garbage."
So maybe it's not his "fault" that she decides to stay with him (although we all know that it can be extremely hard to leave an abusive situation, for both males and females), but I don't care who you are, it is ALWAYS, ALWAYS wrong to abuse, taunt, harm, and do or say cruel things. Sure, that someone does NOT have to stay, but those acts are sick, bad and wrong to begin with and every person IS responsible for his or her own actions. Yes, the woman is responsible for staying and NEEDS to get out. She needs to respect herself and get rid of him like the toxic thing he is (Though sometimes those women are really only girls and it may be hard for them to see clearly what is going on. People aren't born with an innate sense of "I deserve to be treated like X and not like Y. Oh, and I am strong."). But what HE is responsible for is continually doing those absolutely moronic things and should be held accountable. Sure, not all of the effects can be tallied up as soley his fault, but he is still absolutely at fault for treating the woman like garbage to begin with. Some women will evict a guy from their lives when he starts to treat them really badly and won't hear their concerns or bother to change his hurtful actions.
(If you haven't heard of a woman who has done that, here I am! I've done it. Believe it or not, there are actually women out there who will not meeky submit to disrespectful and abusive behavior, thank you very much. A lot of them. Maybe the commenter just needs to get out and meet more women. He'll meet a strong one eventually, although he might be too blinded by his misogyninism to see it. And even among those he lumps into the "weak" category, more women than you might think do get out eventually, though it is hard, and although sometimes it takes them years. They learn. Sometimes they do get stuck in it over and over, and then we all wonder why... but often, they learn. I was lucky enough to see it, to see the monstrous problem growing, and lucky enough to be able to end it and not to let it get to an extreme point.)
But whether or not a mean guy gets the boot, he was still in the wrong from the start. The woman who kicks him out of her life simply spares him from committing additional wrongs against her and gives him a chance to learn his lesson.
It's a form of verbal abuse. Like most abuse cases, it doesn't start right away (let's face it, if some guy started berating you on your first date, you'd write him off as a psycho and refuse to see him again). It starts gradually, after you've been with the guy long enough to know you like/love him and know you want to keep him.
Girls make a million excuses for men they love, even when the man is acting completely out of line to anyone else who may be watching from the outside. When you're in the middle of that relationship, you can't see it. The most rational, intelligent, confident women can fall victim to it. Anyone can--sometimes love blinds you and temporarily takes away your rational thinking.
Most likely it doesn't begin with a guy saying flat out, "Hey, your friend is hotter than you; you should work hard and look like that so I'll like you more." It probably begins with the guy making an appreciative comment about another girl, and it gradually escalates over time, each comment a little more destructive than the last. Eventually it reaches the point where the guy is saying things that are entirely inappropriate and somewhat appalling to anyone looking at the situation from the outside. But by then the girl's self-esteem is so low from being conditioned to believe these things that she's believing every word that comes out of this douche's mouth (even if other people are telling her that he's crazy and he's wrong).
This process sneaks up on women, and rears its ugly head only after you've completely fallen for the guy, and after you've seen the best side of him. You almost never see it coming until it's too late, and you're completely in love with a guy who suddenly does a 180 and goes from a seemingly sweet and perfect guy to a guy who isn't content with what he has and needs to remind you every day about how unsatisfied he is. Sometimes it takes years to get to this point--often it begins after a year or so, and the real ugliness doesn't show itself until after two or three years. After you've been with someone for a few years, you've most likely already made up your mind that this is someone who is worth your time, someone for whom you have strong feelings. It's nearly impossible to turn those feelings off, look at the situation rationally, and realize that you're not being treated properly.
I know all this because I've been there. I made a promise to myself that I would never let myself feel dependent on a guy ever again, and I would never let someone else's opinions influence my self-esteem ever again. When I see others in similar situations, I do my best to warn them, because it's something that no one should ever have to experience. Unfortunately, I think it's the kind of thing many women really have to live for themselves to fully understand. Hindsight is always 20/20--many women involved in these types of situations truly cannot see what is right in front of them. I think any intelligent, self-respecting woman who has lived through this would be careful to never let it happen with anyone again. Making this mistake once is understandable--it can happen to anyone. Making this mistake over and over again with different men? Okay, now that's a real idiot. :)
I mostly agree with the comment. But even if the girl is weak that way, the guy who takes advantage is half to blame. Maybe more so, because his words and actions mold and crush her to the point that she has little chance to learn to be something real. If you are not willing and able to responsibly build up a person in a weak state, leave them alone.
Okay. I had to get up and walk away for a minute before responding. It really struck a chord for me. First of all, any man who would take advantage of a gentle submissive spirit is FAR from strong. Whoever treats a woman like "garbage" is indeed a coward! Placing the blame on the woman is even lower, not even taking responsibility for ones own actions. The very fact that he claims he has never met a strong woman shows that he has no idea what real strength is. It takes a certain strength to swallow ones pride and submit to the ignorant ramblings of a loved one. It takes a certain strength to overlook the immature complaints of someone you love because the good side is worth it. It takes a certain strength to endure less than desirable circumstances for the benefit of the children. It takes a measure of strength to survive without killing yourself. And I seriously doubt he has never met a single mother. And *that* takes a *lot* of strength.
i half agree. i agree that many women seem rather weak willed and tend to cater to men's whims in order to be desired. but i disagree that this isn't, at least partially, the fault of man. i firmly believe that an individual is responsible for how she/he conveys and commands respect. therefore, if a woman is weak-willed, it is her fault.
however, don't you dare downplay the millenia of oppression during which women were brainwashed into thinking femininity = servility. don't ignore the billions of our female ancestors who were taught that they were second-class citizens. times have changed and people are working to break oppressive social constructs. but even today, old habits die hard and that kind of thinking still exists. don't underestimate what a few thousand years of patriarchy can do to a gender's psyche.
i don't agree with the comment because there are a lot of strong women in this world, that person just hasn't met the strong women he's been searching for.
i do agree that people change when they're in relationships because to me, being in a relationship, you can't be selfish and you're going to have to compromise or at least find the median because you're going to have some differences. it would be so boring if you two always liked the same things and never did anything different.
a lot of women are like that. what a powerfully opinionated comment. so powerful i don't think many can fully agree, but it does hold truth.
agreed .
I agree. Sometimes we lose sight of what we want and get caught up in what others want for us.
Believe it or not, every man starts to feel like that for a while, until you meet the woman who holds her head high enough to prove how less of a care she can really give. The one time some men can keep their cock in the pants, ladies, is a woman who is strong enough not to care, and carry herself with ease and strength. Women who are strong enough to know there are some men who will think sexually, or will think less of her all the time till he drops in her grave, but finds just enough courage to not give a flying fuck. After all, those who judge a woman who hasn't done anything like that has some issues they have to get around to, right? Vulnerability isn't a bad thing, but too much of it is never a good thing. Basically, thicker skin can go a long way in this day and age.
*Sigh* I really liked this post, up until I read the comments at the bottom.