My mom and I were driving around one time when we started talking about my relationships with other guys. Obviously, my mother and I have a good relationship. I tend to keep my room messed up for days on end, but she still loves me, I love her, it's all good. Driving down 8th St., I started talking about this new guy I met and how he was, y'know, "pretty cool".
When we reached the stoplight near the hospital, my mom looked at me and smiled cleverly. "Does he have a daaaaaad?"
I laughed at this statement.
It seemed, then, that my mother realized that every guy I've had strong feelings for have had paternal problems. When I say paternal problems, I mean that they do not have a good, succeeding relationship with their father (ie, death, separated parents, divorced, abusive, not fatherly at all). It's not that I search for these types of guys. Rather, I start liking a guy to that high extent and then I find out that he and his father aren't as great as it seems. Hell, sometimes I even ask, "Hey, do you have a dad?"
The guys I like just.. tend to have no decent father figure.
My parents have a healthy relationship--in a nutshell, they started met when she was 19 and he was 21, they've been married for twenty years, The both of us have good relationships with our parents. Life's good. Nothing wrong with my family, so I can't really trace this father thing back to my family.
I figure that there's a certain quality these guys get from the lack of a father figure that deem them likable. Note that they are not at all the bad boys--they do quite well in school, have good friends, etc. I was thinking that maybe because of the fact that they had to grow up as knowing it's a guarantee they have to become the man of their household life taught them independence, determination, and a good work ethic. They could have gone the other way, turning to drugs and alcohol like others do because of the fact their fathers left, but when something bad happens, when it comes down to it, you can go one of two ways: deal with it or complain. I'm thinking I go for the ones who deal with it. But I could be wrong.
So I figure, how is it that I tend to like these guys who lack amicable relationships with their fathers? Do you have something odd like this--not a type**, but.. an unknown tendency?
**Boys without fatherly figures isn't my type--it's not what I look for in a person. It just so happens that when I do start liking the guy, I find out that he has paternal problems.
True
Comments (22)
Same thing with me, except it's after the fact that I find out they're around 25 years old. I swear I don't plan for it or anything, just like you, it just happens to be a really weird coincidence.
i dont think i do!
actually, all the lads ive been out with and have liked has started with the letter J!
not sure why =S its strange
Yeah, my ex used to be overweight at one point in his life and worked out until he was finally at a healthy weight. My current boyfriend went through the exact same thing a few years ago. It's such a weird coincidence.
i tend to fall for guys who already have gfs. silly me.
I try not to fall for guys :P
It could be that it's because there's a phase to dating, where it takes a long time before you meet the guy's parents and once you're at that point, you already like him a lot so it's not a concern for you anymore, whether he has "father figure issues." I'm sure it's just a coincidence or there could be a particular trait you're just attracted to, but you can't pick out that trait just yet. If you want to know why for yourself, find out (besides the father figure thing), what character trait all of your ex-bf and your current one all share.
I used to date Ryans, does that count? lol
Wow, I have found the same thing to be true- guys with dad issues aren't what I look for, but they're what I always end up with! My parents have a wonderful relationship and I have a great dad by any measure, but every boyfriend I ever had had a distant or abusive dad, a dead dad, or... the next door neighbor was actually his dad.
My husband, I think, is a bit better off than any of my boyfriends were- he has a nice dad, though very passive, and his parents didn't divorce until he was a teenager.
I'm finding the same thing to be true of my younger sister, though not as consistently. She liked the younger brother of one of my boyfriends for a while, the one with the abusive and later dead dad, and now she's with a guy who had a really great dad who died when the boy was seven.
I think the point is that the odds are that a lot of people will have dads with problems. It's just so prevalent that it's almost more likely than not. So many people have parental issues and especially father issues, perhaps because when things get ugly raising the children usually falls more to the mothers.Also, on average, especially when unmarried (though not always) the mothers are more committed to raising the kids. So, really, is there anyone (who has dated more than two or three people ever, for the sake of statistics) who doesn't fall for people who have parents with some kind of problem?
Im actually the opposite, I tend to date men who have had bad or complicated (some times violent) relationships with their mothers. I think its because I don't like mama's boys. but its also im discovering for less healthy reasons. : \
I just realized that exactly half of my former boyfriends were very tall (over six feet) with the other half had very dark hair and glasses, yet no guy who fit in both categories. Kind of odd!
I dated three "J" names (two of them Josh), and married the fourth.
i dated a guy for years that had two younger sisters and drove a pick-up truck, and then fell for a guy who also had two younger sisters (same ages and everything) and drove a truck...and they had VERY similar names, only one letter off! especially considering those were probably the two most significant relationship of my life, that was weird!
I hate to be nit-picky and all, but the correct term to describe a female wanting males with similar fatherly attributes and whatnot would be the Electra Complex.
Just sayin'. ;P
I used to date guys that were "the only child" or "the only boy," or "the spoiled brat." And most of them had the busy parents so they were usually the loner types. Idk why, but they were all sweet and prince-like in the beginning, then that would gradually fade and I'd be left with the irritating kid that gets everything he wants including me because I'm the only one who really paid attention to them and made them happy. I'm not trying to sound like a bitch, but the previous guys I dated were all nice to me at first, then expected me to love them completely, flaws and all, while they criticized me and put me down. Falling for a person is stressful sometimes.
The only trend I see in the boys that I've dated, is that they don't like school.
the two guys who i'm closest to have issues with their dads: my boyfriend, & my best male friend.
I'll start liking a guy then it'll occur to me that they need to be taken care of and have distant and sometimes abusive parents.
@arenfro@xanga - @yuk_lui@xanga - me too, it seems all the guys i like have J names. once i thought i had an acception then i found out he was going by his middle name, his first name was Jay
Musicians. Specifically guitar players. I was only conscious of the 1st one being a guitar player (he was in a rock group with 3 other classmates at our school). With the others I found out after the fact. & for some reason half of them are named Gabriel...
i've been three phases of relationships like this.
when i was a freshman in highschool i would only date guys who were an only child (still haven't figured that out yet)
then last year (2008) i had 3 relationships the entire year, and every guy had a name starting with the letter j.
and i've always had a thing for baseball players, but never took it to an extreme, but now i wont date someone who doesn't play baseball.
it's normal to go through phases such as all of these that everyone mentioned. you just want someone you know you'll get along with and have the same common interests with.
Don't know a reason for this.. I'm the same though I've realised over the years, don't think I've ever been in a relationship with a guy who had a fatherly figure (most of their dads had died..) Maybe just coincidence.
I used to have this big thing for "injured puppies".
My boyfriend isn't one.
Safe in saying, I learned my lesson. I'm VERY done with "injured puppies" because I finally figured out that you usually can't help/fix them in the long run.