Tuesday, 08 September 2009
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Ask Me About My Flaws
I once said that I loved the “getting to know you” part of a relationship. I lied.
The reality of the matter is that I don’t care. I don’t care where you went to elementary school or what your second and third favorite foods happen to be. I absolutely hate the process of retaining mundane knowledge that has little to no purpose, yet if called upon I must know. The solid and visible facts about your personality bore me. I want to know what makes you different from everyone else; I want to know what goes on in your head that sets you apart.
On the alternate side, I want you to get to know me for me, not just where I happened to go to school or what foods I prefer. I cannot remember the last time someone asked me what song makes me cry or what I think about when I’m alone. You don’t ever have a chance of getting to know me if you take everything at face value. If all you know about me are things you could have learned from my mother, than I doubt we’ll ever get anywhere.
I have so many personality quirks and little flaws that make up my existence. In fact, I’d rather you learn all my flaws than any of my accomplishments. My lack of ability to trust says so much more about me than the fact that I happened to win first place in some public speaking competition.
Well, I suppose you’ll never understand me if you don’t ask me things that reveal who I am. I guess that’s your loss because if you can't, you’ll lose me before you even know me.
What things do you wish people would ask about you?
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- From: breaking_expectations@xanga
- Name: Gloria
- Location: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
- About Me: Have you ever sat down and thought about what you are thinking about? I do it all the time, thinking about thinking about thinking. I'm kind of unique and I love the word catalyst.
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Comments (41)
Oh, it's just there so you can break the ice and warm up to the person.
When you get to know someone it gets to the point where you'll notice each others flaws :)
I wish people wouldn't ask me for my flaws though; I like being Mr. Perfect :)
I wish they'd keep asking me things, even when I try to write it off as nothing. I need to know you want to know enough to keep bugging me enough to make me talk. Not so much that I hate you for it, but enough that I open up.
I just might start asking questions tonight. hmmm.
I wish people would actually try to get to know me, not about me, but know me. That way it feels like you have more of a personal connection, and you feel comfortable and solid and stable. I want someone to want to know me, not just ask things to make me feel good, or because they feel obligated.
i think that's how i wound up with my best friend. we already knew we already knew each other and wanted to know each other because we had been friends for 5 years. we know each other fairly well, and yet, not at all! that is the beauty of individualism, there's new things to learn about him everyday.
It's things like asking about your favorite color, or food, or music you like that helps break the ice so you do find common interests. Getting to know the actual you takes time. The more time you spend together, the more you'll notice the other person's quirks and habits. The real getting to know you part isn't a sit down and talk type process. It's an observational thing that takes time.
i guess if there was a list of weird questions like "What songs make you cry?" then people would take the time to go through them. But unfortunately, someone like me, has the creative juice, of nada. I am always at a loss of questions on "getting to know someone" and i rather have them tell me it. I would LOVE to REALLY get to know the person, but I never know what questions to ask.
You said it all; thanks.
i'm a pretty private person. can't say i like people getting in my business. i'd rather be talking about math with someone than my personal life. added bonus of doing that: as long as the person i'm talking to is dumber than me, i look smart.
p.s. i'd argue that your spelling skills (or lack thereof) "contridict" [sic] your proclaimed intelligence.
I'm pretty much a quiet person until one gets to know me really well, and I'm really comfortable in his or her presence (so far, there have been three, not counting my brother). When I reach that point, though, my quirks come out. Rampantly, I would assume. And I hate it when people assume they know how I'd react to something, so I try to be a little unpredictable on occasion. Also, if I sense a person getting comfortable with me, then I throw out more of those annoying little quirks and see how they respond.
I don't want anyone to ask me what songs make me cry. That's superficial. Mindless trivia. I don't want to tell anyone what I think about when I'm alone, because, hello, I'm thinking about it alone. I like my privacy just as much or more as I like my personal bubble. Now sitting around, just being quiet together, I don't mind a "What are you thinking about?" I hope that I show all of my negative traits (can a trait be negative?) and whomever it is has to look to see the positive ones. That's who I want to be. Because if you can stand all of the bad things, you should be presently surprised at the good ones.
@GiantUnicorn@xanga - Yeah, you'd expect someone important to you to know when things aren't right. Like, when you claim to be "fine", it would be nice for someone to look twice and ask "really?".
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - Thanks for that, but honestly? Spelling is a very small part of being intelligent. Someone who is illiterate can be considered smart, so I believe it has more to do with ideas and thoughts. But, not everyone is able to grasp the fluidity of set terms and break out of the concrete realms of thought. I didn't state in which ways I am smart or who I am comparing myself to. In the terms of the average high school student, I am considered by most to be intelligent.
what cars do you like, what music do you listen to, what kind of gal/guy would you prefer , etc.
I once went on a date with a guy and we ended up debating about abortion...in a friendly way though (or at least as friendly as you can be about debating abortion). I don't recommend getting into a debate on a first date but I like "intellectually stimulating" discussions.
"Tell me about yourself" is such a broad, vague question that I never know how to answer.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - "Tell me about yourself" feels too formal. Like a job interview. Actually, I'm pretty sure in my Planning 10 Mock Job Interview I stared blankly at the person. I hate questions without some form of perimeter, it makes me want to talk about completely irrelevant things.
@breaking_expectations@xanga - It's not just "tell me about yourself" that I hear a lot in social settings. I think questions like "What do you do for fun" or "What kind of music do you like" are just as pointless...there's soooo many different ways to answer. Basically when it comes down to it, if you need to ask questions like that, there might not be enough of a "spark." That's not true in all cases but I can think of a few guys I've gone out with before where we instantly have so much to say. That's a million times better than "So...what should we talk about now?"
I just wish they would actually ask me stuff instead of always saying how quiet I am and how I don't open up. Yeah, I'm not the social or talkative type but it doesn't mean I won't answer any questions you have about me. I hate keeping secrets so it's not like I'd hide anything from the other person.
when it comes to relationships, i want all honesty because i've gone the other route where we had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy and it ended in a disaster and lots of lies and i left feeling like i didn't know him that well so now, even if he didn't answer my questions that i asked, i would answer him honestly and let him know who i am even if he didn't tell me. and if he didn't like my flaws then that's his loss not mines.
I love the unique qualities of new people. It's what you really remember when you think about them.
ahh.. good point. i want someone to ask "what gets you down" because there's a lot there that needs to be said. but no one ever asks... i agree a person's flaws and secrets reveal the most about them. i'll be incorporating this into future conversations..
Great mind! sometimes i do really hope there are more people want to know the true me too..
flaws is a good one,
something different :)
x
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I feel just like you. I've often said, "I dont' know much about them, but I know THEM". like I don't know the mundane details, but I know who they are as a person. In fact, I'd say in most of my relationships, not just romantic ones, that is what interested me in the person in the first place, not that they lived in Utah when they were a kid, but that they said something really interesting about a situation at work. I am attracted to their personality, their perspectives, their sense of humor, first.
If that happens, then the details become more interesting to me. Otherwise, I don't really care. I don't have room in my head for random facts about people who I don't care to know inside out. But if I am intrigued by them, I find myself wanting to know more.
can you dribble a ball? do you dribble it with your right hand or left hand or both? lmao. one of my friends was asked these which i thought was hilarious. i thought i'd share.
i actually prefer not to be asked such deep questions because i feel like i'm being pried open. i usually like to talk about topics of interest (such as basketball, j/k) and go on from there. if i sense a connection, then i would volunteer such information. i don't have any problems with small, mundane information. to me, it's the little things that matter most.
there are some information i enjoy being kept as a mystery and some i feel more comfortable sharing with a psychologist. i prefer my flaws to be discovered, not discussed.
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