Although the thought of romance between guys and girls crossed our minds in elementary school, it wasn't until middle school that we actually started getting steamy with each other. By steamy, I mean holding hands as we traipsed around the school hallways.
When my first girlfriend and I began going steady, we wanted to hold hands and enjoy our relationship in public. However, because I am also female, we were soon apprehended by school officials and told to quit our hand-holding because it made other students "uncomfortable." My girlfriend and I were asked frequently whether or not we were lesbian; most classmates that asked wore a sneer on their face. I remember the three times that we were called to the counseling office. Each time was a warning: the punishment, should we continue our illicit conduct, would be a phone call home. I should have fought back harder against the system, but at the time, I wasn't open about our relationship with my parents. I still am not out of the closet.
Several days ago, I ran into the spiky-haired counselor who scolded me for being lesbian (I shouldn't place all the blame on her -- she told us that she had to speak with us because she'd been receiving complaints from various students and teachers). I wanted to ask her why she did what she did and whether anything had changed since I was under her domain. I wish I could tell you I had. But honestly, I was rendered speechless. She didn't seem to recognize me, and anyways, what's to say? What's done is done.
This was my first taste of prejudice at the young, unaffected age of thirteen.
When have you been discriminated against for your sexuality?
[I don't see enough gays and lesbians putting up posts here -- let's get some love and representation going!]
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Comments (205)
That's just rude. It's not like you guys were making out in the hallways. Now that's just a little much. What part of the country are you from? I know where I live down south people are more prejudice. And did you know that there are some cultures where men go around holding hands (but aren't gay)? Small and subtle PDA is alright for anyone of any sexuality.
Not a lesbian, but I've been in two relationships with women. My first one, I was fifteen and my grandmother told me I was going to hell for it. Haha, that really sucked coming from her.
I'm starting to think maybe it's the way to go, with this past relationship. With women, it was always wonderful. Even the break-ups didn't hurt as bad as this.
Yay for this post :) I've been pretty lucky, in terms of the subject matter.
I don't see why people shouldn't respect and care for gays just like we accept straights. Seriously. I knew a lesbian couple who would make out in the hall after school. Did I care? No. I'm happy for anyone who finds happiness.
in other societies/cultures school age girls (and in some palces men) hold hands and are more openly affectionate in public and no one thinks poorly of them. only in our culture are we "homophobic". like gays are contagious or something. so sad. it will be tough on you and i give you positive vibes to help you through.
I wish some people would just get over their homophobia.
I've never been discriminated against for my sexuality...but I'm straight. I don't think bad of anyone for what they choose. I think its stupid that you had to go throw this.
The same kind of thing happened to me in high school with my (then) girlfriend, Crystal. Whenever we did any sort of PDA in school or in public, we usually were greeted with sneers and rude remarks.
She and I were also two of the founders of a Gay Straight Alliance at our school. We put up fliers on the bulletin boards announcing it... and watched every time as they were torn down angrily by other students. The GSA was a hit amongst GLBT-friendly people, though, and its membership grew quickly. We were active in the community, spreading our message of acceptance even to other cities at summits. There were several teachers and counselors from our school who supported us, as well. But eventually, there was so much outrage by other students' parents at our organization that the principal threatened to disband us. Instead, we managed to get parental approval slips issued to keep the GSA together, but I couldn't stay in it because I was still in the closet at home. (And when I did come out at 18 to my mom, I was kicked out onto the streets, so there was no way I would've been allowed to stay in that group. Now that I think back to it, I could've just forged a signature, but I was too much of a goody-goody for that.)
I went back to my school a few years later, and the GSA had been shut down. The fundies apparently were too loud, and there weren't enough dedicated students to fight for its survival.
Our school was almost the opposite --perhaps out of fear of being labeled homophobic/discriminatory, teachers would ignore the lesbian couple blatantly making out and groping in the hallway (no, it wasn't innocent hand holding either, it was tongue-down-your-throat-hands-under-clothing type of PDA), yet not hesitate to reprimand straight couples engaged in much less.
There's nothing wrong with being gay/lesbian. I'm not one myself, but if guys and girls can hold hands and things, you have every right to display your affection in public. Stick up for yourself. You're an equal, and should be treated like one. If they can't accept it, it's their own fault for being disrespectful and narrow-minded.
wow thats really rude!
i hope schools are more accepting these days?
Wow that's ignorant... people are stupid. You could've easily been doing something much more than holding hands (not to say you were or are or ever will at that age, but anyone could have).
BTW this is a well-written post for a 13 year old!
I think schools should be more accepting, especially if they allow heterosexual couples to hold hands.
This is very sad.. to hear all this.. I tell you what though. I hope someday the gay community will have every right in the book. I am sorry to anyone that had to go through this.
Sounds like we need a Gayish.
@methodElevated@xanga - Don't ever let anyone discourage you. Don't ever back down without a fight. And if you see that teacher again.. or any of those kids. Kick them from behind and run like hell.
@i_r_keiko@xanga - Revelife wouldn't like that. They'd throw a bitch fit.
I'm always incredibly aware when I'm out with whomever I'm seeing at the time. You never know how you're going to be received. As a lesbian, it's difficult to even be taken seriously. Most people think we're turned off by men because one did us so wrong, or we're just waiting for that right "man" to make turn us back to reality. Why wouldn't a woman want a man, unless something is wrong with her.
How amazing would it be to live in a place where it doesn't matter who you love, how you love, or if you even want to love? I just keep telling myself that it's only a matter of time before it's commonplace to see men and women in their amazingly beautiful same sex relationships walking down the street hand in hand without fear of retribution. Much like interracial relationships of the past. It really is just a matter of time, the heterosexuals of the world better brace themselves.
I went to a really good school converning non homophobic students. Everyone was more intrested as it wasnt cosiderd the "norm" and it was "unique"
None of the students where uncomfortable and just found it cute that i was with another girl.
By the time I came out, my best friend also came out with me. He got it pretty damn easy with other students.
My girlfriend didnt like kissing in public and we both had diffrent sets of friends so we werent really seen together doing things. Although we where pretty close.
My best friend and his boyfriend on the other hand, use to kiss and hold hands.
He unfortunatley got thrown out of school.
should have manned up and confronted the counselor. it's one of those potentially "feel good" moments.
@Lil_Firefly_25@xanga - Awwh (L) May i ask what coulture?
One of my lesbian friends got in trouble for kissing her girlfriend at school. She told the principal that she shouldn't be forced to stop kissing her girlfriend while other straight couples were allowed to kiss on school property as well...not to mention grind on each other at dances.
Needless to say...she won her case.
Sorry to post yet another comment. I have a lot to say on this subject, As I am a right little ranter.
When I was dating this girl, we where both fifteen at the time. We went up town holding hands together.
After these lads saw us we collected a hell of a lot of abuse from them.
Next week later, when she as uptown, she had flour thrown on her & spat on.
Its a 15 year old girl against 6 18/19 year old lads.
Riddiculas.
At my old high school, our teachers cracked down pretty strongly against any homophobic behavior, but it didn't deter the students. Teenagers, especially straight ones, especially boys, are, in my experience, EXTREMELY sexually insecure and feel the need to posture and bluff and show off their masculinity and straightness.
Homophobia is pointless it's not like every homosexual of the same sex wants YOU, personally. It's just like heterosexuals - it's selective to who they like! I find that homosexual friends can often be better friends than heteros because they'll give you honest opinions and always be there for you!