Monday, 07 September 2009
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"Men Want Women Who Look Like This!"
When I was 16 years old, I had my first boyfriend let's call him "Mike", we knew each other from before hand because he worked at my family owned business when it was still open. It was bliss, and he made me happy, we went out on dates, had fun doing what boyfriends' and girlfriends' did. But after a month of dating he started calling me a ugly, and antagonizing me about the way I dressed, because he was 18 years old, and felt that he looked like he was dating a 10 year old.
So being stupid as I was, tried dressing up a little more adult-like for him, but even then, it got worse, he started to compare me to runway models and actresses who had voluptuous bodies, he'd comment about how "fat" I was, and whenever we'd go out with friends, he always stopped me from ordering my food. He'd always tell the cashier or the waiter "Just give her a salad, plain no dressing." Worst of all he'd make me sit and look at his computer screen and point out what I needed to change about myself so I could be more pretty, more better.... and look just like the models of Hollywood for him, because apparently in his words, "Men want women who look like this!."
I remember being so depressed about myself that I completely stopped eating, I stopped hanging out with my friends, my grades dropped in school, hell, I was like a zombie because I thought I wasn't good enough for anyone. After we had broken up, his words and his insults still chewed at me for months, and I felt ugly wherever I went, his words took a toll on my body. I remembered he always told me to throw up if I ate so much as one piece of meat, and being an idiot I did so, and ended up hurting myself in the long run because I let his words eat at me for so long.
It took me a full year to recover from the abusive words and insults he tattooed into my mind, and it took a lot of help from my friends and family to push me to become better for myself and realize I'm beautiful the way I am.
Have you ever had an SO mentally abuse you?
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- From: Angel_Cross19
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Comments (460)
No, and I'd leave her the second she tried.
Yes. I had a boyfriend similar to yours. He said that I should develop a runners body...so I tried. I suffered from an E.D. then. He also thought I was too "goth." I changed everything about myself. Of course it didn't work out...but we all carry that crap with us for a lonnnng time.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Same. I wouldn't say such things to my gf either. =\
Yes, and it's not cool.
I wouldn't say or stand to listen to something like that.
@AznFier@xanga - Same here. I love my girl, but that'd be a dealbreaker.
I had a boyfriend like that. It was really frusterating because he would tell me some of my clothes were ugly and that I needed to lose weight. I love the guy I'm with now who loves me for who I am :)
Whoa. I've never been in that position myself, but I can imagine how tought that must be.
I've never had a SO like that, but I definitely wouldn't stay with him for long if he said those things to me.
Im glad you've got it all settled in the end. Find someone who likes you for you. :)
not in the way your boyfriend did. most of the time anyway.
my first boyfriend was incredibly possessive and loved putting me down. he would get angry with me for hanging out with anyone but him. when i told him i had made plans with a girl friend for the weekend, he'd say "but i thought WE were hanging out," even though we hadn't made any plans to. if i ever wanted time by myself and refused to go somewhere he invited me, he'd tell me "if so-and-so asked you to go you would." it even got up to the point where he would get pissed at me for spending time with my mom, instead of calling him. if i ever did anything like bought a new outfit or changed my hair, he'd brush it off with "it's okay i guess," or "you shouldn't have done that, it looked better before." he would poke me in the stomach and tell me it jiggled, and if i ever broke out would point out every blemish on my face. the absolute worst part was that he told me daily if i ever left him, he would kill himself. that kept me tied to him for six months and i didn't even have feelings for him. i wised up and broke it off eventually. i'm a lot smarter now, i'd never let a guy treat me like that again.
I was there. He was sneaky about it, though. He'd make comments about how good I'd look if I lost a few pounds here, or there. He even nicknamed me "Belly" and occasionally called me a "fat cow." On top of that, he got be to believe I wasn't smart enough, either. It took me a very long time to stop seeing myself as stupid, fat, and ugly.
Thankfully, my husband helped a great deal with this. I was lucky enough to get out of the bad relationship and eventually--after a few less-than-stellar relationships in between--find a man who could love me for me.
Now I'm watching a friend of mine sink into such a relationship, and her husband (yes, she married him...two days before my own wedding, actually, and without telling anyone) has now forbid me from ever contacting her. I haven't heard from her in three months.
Abusive relationship are horrible, but there's nothing anyone from the outside can do. Only the person being abused has the power to end the cycle.
-Katie
wow o.O
it never happened to me but if it did, id say bye bye to him
wow.
he deserves a beating.
hope youve overcome it.
I never had anyone do that to me, but one of my college roommates did. He apparently told her all the time that she needed to tone up and that he liked "skinny girls". (She was fairly thin herself, just not super small or really toned or anything.) Our other two roommates and I were all really thin at the time (and two of us had pretty large chests despite being tiny), and if we'd walk around in tank tops and shorts or anything, we'd overhear things like, "See, that's the kind of body type I like. Your roommate's perfect--you should work out more and try to look like that." First of all, ew. And second of all, comparing her to her roommates? Way to go--I'm surprised the poor girl didn't hate us all year long because her boyfriend couldn't stop making her feel inferior to us.
The ridiculous thing was that my roommate was gorgeous, and so many guys would have killed to have a chance with her...and then here was this guy, not even appreciating that he had one of the sweetest and most fun girlfriends on campus. My roommate never even knew how amazing she was. Thankfully, that relationship ended. The guy now dates a girl who is truly unfortunate looking but from what I've seen, is fairly thin--I wonder if he tries to make her feel like crap about herself too, or if the face doesn't matter as long as the body's there? Who knows.
Well, never like that. Im glad you got away from that dude. Your look gorgeous <3
No, luckily. But that's absolutely disgusting.
It's horrible that you had to go through that, but at least you learned something valuable. :/
@wolvenchic@xanga - She does, doesn't she? :]
No. I respect myself enough to stay away from those kinds of idiots. I am who I am, and if you don't like me, then GTFO. :)
That's awful! I hate people that don't accept others for who they are >:[ The worst I've had is my ex having blondes as his 'type' and constantly reminding me that I'm the only brunette he's ever dated. They'll be someone who appreciates you for who you are so never stop believing in yourself :]
My ex told me that she wanted someone more intellectual when she was going out with me. Other than that, nothing else.
Geez. Sounds like we dated the same guy.
He'd do the exact same shit. I was with him for a little over two years before he finally hit me and my parents forced us apart. Everything he said to me still affects me to this day, even though I'm with someone who loves me just the way I am. I try not to fall back into old habits, but it's hard. I feel like he's lying to me when he says I'm beautiful and I'm freaking 136lbs at 5'4. When I was with my ex he kept me at 110lbs and I still wasn't good enough. My ass was too big, my boobs too small, shoulders and hips too wide, thighs too fat.. things I never noticed before, I now stress over them everyday.
Not as much as I used to. I eat now, obviously, haha. It sucks. I'm so sick of feeling fat after eating a slice of cantaloupe or two fucking oreo's. Sometimes after I end up puking it back up, as long as my boyfriend is at work. He has no idea and I feel bad for keeping it from him, but I don't want him to know I'm more fucked up than he thought. So far, he's the best thing that's happened to me and I don't want to risk losing that.
You're so pretty! I'm glad you got passed it. Hopefully, I can too. =]
it's sad that someone who you think loves you would treat you like that. i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that, but who ever he is, he really needs to get some kind of help to cope with verbal abuse.
Worst boyfriend EVER!
Sorta. But I ended it before it went any further... My ex-bf used to call me a whore when I talked to other guys and would never let me wear tank tops cause he said that my arms were "too fat."
I'm sorry to hear that your SO's a shallow jackass . No one should put up with that behavior.
@ellicepark@xanga - i agree with her...this dude needs to meet my fist
This really pisses me off...I really cant imagine some idiot putting his girlfriend through that. It just doesn't make sense, and karma will eventually catch up to him. It doesn't matter what he thinks of you, it's what you think of yourself, and if you think you're ugly like what he "told" you then maybe it's time to start seeing yourself in a new light. I'm glad things are over with that idiot, and now you can meet someone who will appreciate your beauty inside and out. I wish the best of luck to you, and hope you dont meet anymore senseless losers like that.