Miss WalrusIn love, I used to feel felt like I was doomed to play the "lower hand." Cause I did. Every time. Because of this, I developed a chronic fear that I was destined to be the chaser, the underdog, the girl who would blow off friends on a Friday night anxiously waiting for her BF to call for life.
Depressing, I know.
However, I think that when it comes to relationships, this is normal. There is normally someone with the upper hand & someone (like me) who holds the lesser cards. And the lucky one playing the good hand? Well, they usually have a little more control over the relationship. I don't necessarily mean control in a bad way, either. I just mean that the top dog
knows that they are. And those of us underneath just need to pray that they don't take advantage.
So, let me just say, as the girl who has CONSTANTLY been on the bottom of all her relationships, it feels extremely weird to realize that with the guy I'm seeing now, I hold the all the good cards. I like him a lot - but I can definitely feel that he's diggin' me a wee bit more than I am him.
It feels weird to play the opposite role. It's weird to be the SO who wants to be with friends over her lover sometimes. It feels funny to wish that the boy would just. stop. texting. me...instead of the other way around.
Do you agree that there is usually an "underdog" in most relationships? What hand do you think YOU play in your relationship - or is there a pretty even playing field?
Comments (20)
Is it considered by being the topdog, that you are more experienced in the relationship? Also, isn't this also considered who wears the skirt and the pants in the relationship?
Jeez, that kind of sucks. :/ I prefer to date a girl with courage. I don't like people who are way shy. In a relationship, I think both parties need to put in the "work." Like say you're the underdog, how come you don't just call him up instead of waiting around? I wouldn't like it if my gf only hung out with me when I called her if she knew I wasn't busy at all. >.<Â
i'm usually the one being chased, but it feels pretty even between my boyfriend and i.
According to the Vegas line, I'm a 20 point favorite to win in my relationship.
A working relationship should be equal, I think. If there is an underdog at all....it won't work out.
It has went back and forth with my husband and I. At the beginning, I was chasing him, then I gave up and he started chasing me, then it went back and forth and back and forth throughout our entire relationship. I must say I like it more when he is chasing me but as long as we are happy and we both give and take we are pretty well balanced.
my mother always said that you should be with someone who loves you a little more than you love them.
i've always wanted to hang out with my friends more than the bf before my current relationship
while i do agree that there's generally an underdog in a relationship, i still think it's for the best if both sides can somehow find a healthy balance. my current boyfriend and i take turns calling each other and it goes without being said. personally,i find it to be much better of a balance than my previous relationships...
it's always even with all of my relationships so far. no one ever really stepped over someone to take control. i always make a deal with the guys i date that we would spend time together but also make time for our own friends as well so no one is left waiting for the other person. it's always worked out for me, but i can only speak for myself.
I was actually thinking about this earlier today.
In a relationship it always seems that one person likes their SO a little bit more than they're liked back.
For me personally I've recently realized I can't be in a relationship with someone who likes me more than i like them...I tend to feel trapped. ( this is usually how it is)
I wonder...is their ever a balance? When you find the right person will their still be someone with the upper hand?
I would think their would have to be some sort of equality in order for a relationship to function properly,
I have been in that spot so many times, for sure! But the one I'm in now feels so...equal. I like it :)
ummmm idk.
my bf lets me get away with way more than i would ever let him get away with.im not sure what that means
I kinda think my boyfriend and I are on even footing :) we treat each other like equals and I think that's a healthy relationship. I don't think I'd like to be the underdog.
Right now the roles have changed. After a summer with little communication (she studied abroad) she withdrew from the relationship, whereas I fell deeper.
I think my boyfriend is the "top dog" in our relationship. Not i the way that I chase him. More like because he knows better then I do. lol. And when I go to do something or buy something I ask what he thinks first and if he says something like "No Im not feeling it" or "Thats a bad idea" I tend to stop or not get it. Only because hes always right lol. And hes older and knows better then me on alot of stuff.
And I see him more as the "top dog" because I look up to him alot in many different way.
I'm more of the underdog in our relationship, though sometimes we reverse roles. I've never really thought of our relationship like this but it makes sense.
A healthy relationship should be balanced. I've been the underdog, and I've been the top dog. Neither worked for me. But when I met my husband, I knew he was the one I'd stay with because we were equal.
If you're always the underdog, or always the top dog, then you haven't found the right relationship for you, yet.
Just my two cents.
-Katie
I know what you mean. I used to be the under dog all the time, but I hid it so well that the guy never knew how much power he had. Then when I started dating my fiancee and I was definitely the top dog. I would wait my sweet time to answer his texts, I knew he was way more into me than I was into him....and then one day, I still remember it so clearly, I fell in love with him. It was even for a little while after that, but eventually, me and my SO being such poster-children for our gender stereotypes, he slowly came out of the puppy love/worship phase and realized as much as he loves me he misses having a life outside of me. I'm not really there yet myself lol, so he is definitely the top dog. But I am really trying to be more, well, "healthy" in my life and find a balance where I am okay with my whole life not revolving around him. It's hard though, because as dumb as it sounds, I love him so much I want my world to revolve around him.
i agree that there are different roles in a relationship. i unfortunatley always get stuck as the "underdog." with my recent boyfriend everythin was always done by his way and i had to go along with it. he'd always pick hanging out with his friends sometimes over me. our fights consisted of me doing something wrong then me having to apologise. i made everything about him, id even, yes, cancel my plans with friends just to hang out with him only to have him cancel on me time and time again. all the effort in the relationship was from me, but that got us nowhere. (he wasnt the best boyfriend) (he recently broke up with me)
i personally think it should be equal in a relationship. not someone more dominant than the other. love is about compromise, agreement, communication, attraction, etc. it shouldnt be about who has more control or "cards"
i have been both. i think it needs to be equal, otherwise it won't work out.