I have decided that my four best friends must approve of any guy before I get serious about him.
I know what most will people think when they hear this. "She the kind of girl who doesn't have her own mind." I know perfectly well the kind of person you're talking about. The people who constantly need approval from everyone else. They can't even decide if a movie's good without asking their friends.
The way things go with me and my best friends is that we all have our own opinions, and we all voice out opinions. For example, when Daniel wanted to get a lip ring, I told him it would look ridiculous. He's just not badass enough. He eventually didn't get it because his girlfriend hated it. But, why my friends all have our opinions, we don't push it on each other. We're honest and we will let each other know if that haircut is ugly as sin, but we love each other through it all.
Let's analyze my most recent relationship.
Katelyn warned me from the beginning that he was no good.
Addie said he was an OK guy but he seemed like a bit of a jerk.
Jaci said I was in too deep and he didn't care as much as he did.
Daniel never meet my recent ex, but I called him every time Eric didn't call when he said he would, every time he got mad for no reason, and every time something went wrong. Daniel said it sounded like he didn't care as much as I did and he wasn't good enough for me.
All of this I knew at the back of my mind during the relationship, but I was full of the beginning of relationship butterflies. When he did break up with me, none of them said "I told you so" and all of them were there to comfort me, even though I am ashamed to admit I did neglect them when we were together.
The point of this: My friends know me better than I know myself. They stuck around for the good and the bad, which is more than any boyfriend has ever done. They are willing to tell me "He's an ass. Drop him."
So next time a guy comes along, before we're official, my friends have to meet him. If they say he's not the one, too bad for him. Chicks (And Daniel) over dicks.
Do you introduce your potential SO to your friends first? How much influence do they have on your decision to date them or not?
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Comments (31)
My friends approve of my girlfriend, yes, but I didn't introduce her to them before I decided whether or not I should be with her. I'm not going to let someone else decide that for me, because then I might feel like blaming it on them later on. Her friends like me too, and that makes me happy. But I like to be able to make my own decisions, even though second opinions are good to have. If I like her, and she likes me back, I don't care what they think.
Not really. Sometimes your friends can be wrong. Be receptive to advice, but it doesn't mean you should neglect your own feelings and thoughts. If you really love him/like him, go where your heart tells you. It has always worked for me. When all my friends were telling me to ditch my current bf, I ignored them and guess what? We're very happy now.
I'd want to hear the opinions of my friends, but the decision is ultimately mine. *shrug*
Most guys ARE jerks...i should know
Downloaded THIS yet???
You might think i'm a sensitive guy after reading that book, and you'd be wrong, for the most part. We are ALL egocentric, even the gay ones...must be genetic
Sometimes they'll open your love blindfold and let you see what's really going on.
i honestly need to start doing this, because i go into relationships blind and optimistic and get screwed over in the end.
I think that while having your friends like him will save you a lot of trouble in the future when you all want to go out together, it shouldnt say how far you go in a relationship. Friends like the idea of their friends being happy, but Ive seen it too often that the friends later feel neglected and you dont want that negativity to be what determines your relationship. If your friends dont like him, then be cautious, dont end it right away. If they have serious concerns like they saw him sniff crack, then yea, cut him loose. The important thing I think is that you should really know this person before you introduce them to your friends.
Most friends know because theyre insightful. They arent stuck in "like" mode so you should trust their judgment, but evaluate it and see if its true yourself. You can't just listen to your friend right off the back, besides its a relationship with two people not three unless youre into that then I have no idea.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - It must be an Asian thing
@EminemsRevenge@xanga - you know how to pick all the wrong ones eh?
I'd like to have my friends' input on potential guys. If they don't get along with them it would be uncomfortable for me to hang out with everyone. I've had friends who's boyfriends/girlfriends I didn't get along with too well and it caused a riff in my friendships. I wouldn't want anything like that to happen with the friends I have now. They mean too much to me.
@Binh_Bong@xanga - asian thing? i just think it's an infatuation thing.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - suppose youre right, but some people dont go in it without thinking first. Unless youre young then that would make sense
I like the opinion of my friends, but I tend to make decisions based on everything I know and feel. But you have to be careful because even if they give the person a good "review", that's all based on first impressions. Things can change, and very quickly at that.
@Binh_Bong@xanga - haha. i do think, but i sometimes reason with myself to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and turns out everything that i worried about was true and i was trying to mask it over. and yes, i'm quite young.
i had my best friend for that! lol well, i was terrified because my last relationship ended out of nowhere. (well, looking back i mean i guess it wasnt REALLY nowhere but nonetheless) nobody saw it coming, not my best friends, my parents, and not me. (at least not until maybe a week beforehand) he was a good person, and seemed to give the illusion of liking me. who knew?
so, this bf: much different, we have been friends for a much longer period of time beforehand. the only other person that knew him as long as i was my best friend, so when we were starting to get involved i FREAKED and asked her what she thought i should do....lol like for each step.
she told me to go for it. so all was well. but honestly, if she thought there were a reason i should be on my guard, i would have reeled so far back.... (though....i feel our relationship was inevitable, i'd have probably said yes anyway and lived in fear. lol. cause that's what i do.)
I haven't introduced anyone to my best friends, yet, but I know I will when the time comes. It's true; they know me best. It's not like I don't have a mind of my own, it's just that they're not emotionally attached to the guy and can take a step back to say, "Hey, he's good enough," or, "Leave that train wreck alone." They see the things that I don't, or can't, notice. My best friends keep me safe, and I intend on returning the favor.
I introduced my ex boyfriend to my friends first before I started to date him. before they met him, they didn't like him already because he was older than me as in I'm still in high school but he was in college. After they met him and we hung out together a few times, I guess they got used to the fact that even though he was three years older than me, he wasn't like all the other college guys and was actually a sweet person. We broke up about a year later not because of something they warned me about before, but because we just weren't all that interested anymore.
My friends' opinions really matter to me and if it's something that they keep on warning me about, I'll definitely look in to it and stop the relationship right there. Nine times out of ten, they're always right.
when i intro my bf to my girl friends, i don't really care what they think because they're not the one dating him. if they're really suspicious of him then i would listen but majority of the time, i don't.
I don't know a lot of guys who are particularly concerned about whether their girlfriend is accepted by their friends, but for me it's a big deal. I want my girlfriend to be involved with my social life and get to actively know my friends. A lot of my friends prefer to keep their relationships separate from their social lives, but I don't.
The guys generally don't give a damn. If the girl's chill, reasonably open-minded, not clingy, and not a bitch, then they're pretty well convinced. And since any girl I date has to meet that same criteria, I've never had a problem with my friends not liking the girls I've dated.
I'm sorry but I just couldn't read all of this the way through. Who are you trying to make happy? Yourself? or your friends? Your friends are going to be wrong sometimes and you should have enough of a backbone to try and make yourself happy instead of only relaying on other peoples opinions.
i intro them usually later, depending on what is more convenient. my friends influence does count, but the final decision is still mine. i wouldnt not go for a guy just 'cause my friend says no?
ultimately you're dating this guy, not them. even if they are looking out for you.. ?
nah, no influence.
post comments are nice and thoughtful, but to no help. friends won't go to bed with ya.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga -youre aryte lol
My friends have all like my boyfriend from the beginning, it's pretty awesome.
Although my group of friends pretty much despises my friends boyfriend. He's an ass.. we're just being honest!
i am here for a life partner if you are interested you can add me on yahoo messengers janetanderson123@yahoo.com or send me a mail to that email and be
mine was an accidental introduction, but yeah i suppose i would
my guy is actually my best friends best friend, so a guess its kind of a love triangle