Saturday, 05 September 2009
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Preying on the Vulnerable? Or Prince Charming?
My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months. Of course, this is no new story...it started out amazing. He was the most caring, sweet, and wonderful guy I have ever met. But I suppose "the honeymoon phase" really does exist, and so in the beginning of July with one-what seemed like a minor-moment where he went off on me for something so small, began a newfound pattern of arguments. I almost broke it off twice that month, because it was like all of a sudden he was a completely different person.
Now he's taken to not telling me loves me pretty much at all, because he says the more it's said the less meaningful it becomes. [Which makes me feel just great, seeing as how I always have the desire to tell him I love him, and I tell him at least three times a day.] And last night he told me he really tries to keep his cool when he's talking to me. I guess I just make him angry constantly??But I'm not posting this to whine about how we argue so much more often about the smallest things, that was just background information. A guy I work with is a true romantic [we'll call this guy Jack]. He's given his past girlfriends his heart, rose petals, love songs...the works. And it seems to me, and a few of my co-workers, that he's trying to make his way into my heart as well. I'm easily flattered, which is probably one of my more tragic downfalls. This guy says I have the eyes of an angel, and is constantly trying to get me to be happy whenever he doesn't see a smile on my face.
Because of how close he seems to be getting to me, he is now the one guy I turn to whenever my relationship with my boyfriend is going through a rocky point. Last night was one of those times when I accidentally "set my boyfriend off" with something I said as just a joke. So, after finding no solace in two of my girl friends, I turned to Jack. He told me he doesn't see how my boyfriend can fight with me or be angry with me so much because I'm too beautiful to be angry with. He gave me great advice and all, but my feelings for Jack are really begin to cloud my mind.
I know I love my boyfriend dearly, but I don't know what to do about this other guy. It seems that he's filling up the spaces that my boyfriend is now beginning to leave empty...or maybe he's just preying on a girl who's becoming more and more vulnerable as it begins to seem that my relationship is falling apart.
I really don't know what to do. I already feel like a bad girlfriend with all of these fights, and this isn't making me feel any better. What should I do?
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About the Author
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- From: xdropdeadxradx@xanga
- About Me: My name is Ashley, and I'm eighteen years old. I graduated high school this past May, and will hopefully start college in the Spring. I hope to finish a diploma/degree program in Photography and go on to open my own Wedding/Portrait studio.
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Comments (31)
I dated a guy like this. Not like your bf, like the other guy. The sad thing is, you probably aren't the only one he's doing this to. I'd like to believe he means it, but, I think he's just doing whatever he can to make you like him. The fact is that no one is so pretty that anger just dissolves. I'm not saying your boyfriend is amazing, but just try to not let guy #2 sway your opinion just because he's looking like the better man. :) Good luck.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
honestly, jack may seem like he is looking for prey, when honestly, youve got to flip this picture around. You are turning to him whenever you and your guy are having problems? That my dear, is sending jack mixed signals. You are putting trouble in front of you and you know it. The best thing you could do is stop confiding in jack, and confide in the boyfriend you love so much. Most likely, your boyfriend loves you too, but has no clue how your feeling right now. Dont put temptation in front of you, cheating is not only in the action, but in the intent mt dear, and you are getting quite close if not already crossing the line.
I'm wondering why Jack's past relationships ended in failure if he's that wonderful. There's no saying he'll be sweet forever, you know.
@wolvenchic@xanga - I agree totally.
As for my own input :
I can kind of identify with "Jack" since I've been that guy before. In my experience he's just being a good guy tryin to be there for a girl he kinda likes, but he's also walkin a thin line since its a bit of an ego booster to be that knight in shining armor so if you can make sure to let him know what's really goin on he wont go overboard. He probably likes to be the one to fill that void but as for you, it can't stay like that without some problems popping up.Just make sure to let "Jack" know that you appreciate his help but need some space so things don't get more complicated. If he's really just tryin to be a good friend he'll understand.
Best of luck with the boyfriend issues
You said your bf was the most caring, sweet and wonderful guy you had ever met when you first started dating. Who's to say this Jack won't turn out the same way? You're the only one here who knows both of them, so really you are the only one who can make the decision. If you don't trust him, your gut is probably right. Follow your heart girl. Good luck =]
To clarify: if your boyfriend is starting these fights, then you're not at fault and therefore are not a bad girlfriend. You are, however, in the beginning of an abusive relationship.
Run. Run far, far away.
This does not mean run to Jack, but it does mean you need to get yourself out of this situation asap.
Good luck.:-/
-Katie
Dump your boyfriend - get with the better guy you like.
The grass is always greener on the other side... need I say more?
1. You're leading Jack on. Wolvenchic is right on the money. He's that guy that fills in the holes that the boyfriend leaves, but in the end, you go home with your boyfriend.
2. Communicate with your boyfriend, figure out what's going on. There must be a reason why he suddenly started arguing with you.
@kriskris92@xanga - Agreed
boyfriend's a douche. drop his ass.
yea saying I love you can lose it's meaning. When it starts to lose it's meaning it probably means it's time to move on
I don't know. It seems like you have this fantasy that relationships are supposed to be "I love you's" and rose petals 24/7, and that fighting isn't part of the reality of being with someone.
@wolvenchic@xanga - I absolutely agree.
Instead of turning to Jack about your problems, you should talk directly to your boyfriend about it.
And by the way, just because a guy is a "true romantic" doesn't necessarily equal a successful relationship. You said so yourself -- your relationship with your current boyfriend started out wonderful but eventually faded, so who's to say that it wouldn't happen with Jack?
STAY AWAY. he knows you have a boyfriend yet he's still swet talking you right outta his ass >.< bad sign.... majorly bad sign
Oh and as for your boyfriend, he seems like an ass. dump him. but be wary of this new guy.
I think you need to dump your boyfriend. I don't know your boyfriend or "jack" personally so I can't say if you should be dating jack instead (though all the sweet-talking seems inappropriate since he knows you have a bf) but you need to run away from your current guy and that much is for sure. like someone already said, this is how abusive relationships start, and how he treats you is definitely not okay!
watch out for the casanovas, they are bad news. they want one thing and thats it. dump the boyfriend and be single for a while to clear ur head. dont settle for men who treat u good in the begining and then change for the worst when they get bord of dating, in fact dont settle for a man who treats u bad at all. they are not worth the time and the heart ache. give yourself some time to love yourself first before u get into another relationship.
@wolvenchic@xanga - i couldnt have it any better.
u shud be talking to bf abt the problems, not some other guy.
Talking to the new guy might help you temporarily but it will do nothing for your relationship with your boyfriend. Do you really think this new guy is any different from your boyfriend? Will he always be sweet to you like this?
what everyone else says. you know you really don't NEED to be with a guy, especially if all they do is make you feel bad about yourself. its much more awesome to be single and realize how great you are by yourself. - experience
I personally don't think it's a good idea to turn to someone you could have an emotional 'affair' with simply cause you and your boyfriend are going through a bit of a rough patch. My ex acted in a similar sort of way 7 months into our relationship, but it was after alot of crap had taken place, so he had more of a reason, although it still is unexcusable. The fact that you guys are still together even after his dbag ways is a good sign that he still doesn't want to let you go, but as cliche as it might seem, the best thing to do would be to talk it out. And stop hanging around Jack too! Not only would that be another sore point for your already seemingly sore bf, but you'll start to notice all your bf's faults in a hugely brighter light and start comparing both of them (something which you already seem to have started doing).
As to your vulnerable or prince charming comment, i think he's more preying on the vulnerable, cause no prince charming would try to confuse a girl out of her feelings with someone she cares about.
You need to drop Jack so you can be fully dedicated to your relationship. You're filling the holes in your relationship with Jack and not your current boyfriend. You need to be able to talk to him and communicate so he can be the one filling those voids. I've been down this path with girls and the other person puts a large strain on the relationship. If you truly cherish your boyfriend, you need to stop confiding in Jack.
You need to understand what's going on with your boyfriend. Put yourself in his place.
u shouldnt be walking on tiptoes around ur bf. sth is definitely off. u need to either talk it through or break u. he can only hurt u more.
my sis just got out of a relationsip like that a few days ago and he had been treating her like shit for a year. finally she got sick of it and dumped his ass, an she;s finally ready to move on.
GL!!