Saturday, 05 September 2009
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WYD A Private Person?
Disclaimer: The first sentence is just to give you an idea of what my single life tends to be like, not to brag. Every time I end up being single, I have anywhere from 3 to 5 men chasing after me. One of them this time around is a coworker of mine. He's very tall, very positive, and a nerd, which is fine by me. The problem is that he tends to keep things to himself when he's around other people at work.
Like, for example, he will get a bit mushy with me via text, but in person, all he does is hug me. I thought we were getting really close thanks to the texts, so I thought maybe one day soon, he would kiss me. The last time we saw each other, though, he gave me a long hug, cracked a joke, and pulled away too soon.
Later when I took a break that day, I saw a text he sent me: "Sorry no kisses at work....." I texted back, "I noticed! Are you a private type of person?" and he basically said yes.The privacy thing strikes a nerve with me because, let's face it, I open my big, fat mouth and get in trouble a lot or get a lot of stares.
Does "private" always equal "bad"?
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About the Author
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- From: bitterbittenrockinblonde22@xanga
- About Me: Not your average black woman, but not a stereotype, either. I am what I am and that's all there is to it.
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Comments (24)
No, "private" can mean he's uncomfortable with you at the moment. You're not even in a relationship with him yet(?) , you have to give him time to get accustomed to you and being close.
Private = someone who doesn't share their feelings openly very often/at all, or someone who doesn't like cloesness, period. I'm kinda like that sometimes.
In this case, no. I think he's being pretty smart about it since he's a co-worker. A lot of places have "no dating" policies. If that is the case where you both work, he could be afraid of losing his job.
There is also the issue of doing stuff like that in public. Some people just don't like PDA's or are uncomfortable expressing themselves in that way until a relationship grows more serious. I know plenty of men, and women, who are the same way. They don't like to shine a huge spotlight on their private lives.
The fact is, he's texting you and being 100% honest about how he feels about the situation. There's nothing wrong with being a private person. But, if you feel you need to have someone be more open in a relationship with you in that way, you may want to look for someone else.
there is a difference between private and professional, no matter where he works - if you are working together - there could be some consequences for you two showing PDA by company regulation. He is being smart.. PDA is even too much around friends too, try him in person alone. Im the same way, I just dont lie making people feel uncomfortable or bringing my private life to work. I keep work just that.
I don't see why this is a bad thing at all. It may bit be moving at the pace you're used to or expected, but that isn't necessarily bad. I don't really see a problem with taking it slow. There's good things about it, too. It means he actually cares about you. When guys are shy like that and don't try to get some from every girl they know--when it really takes a little courage--you know they really mean what they say and do. I don't understand why there's such a stigma against being shy.
@wolvenchic@xanga - I couldn't agree with you more. (: Took the words right out of my mouth. haha
o ur like me i have like 20 to 30 women chasing after me whether im single or not
@wolvenchic@xanga - Ohhh, very good way to say it! :) Agreed.
I'm a very private person, so for me it's not a bad thing. But there has to be the 'personal' and 'professional' life. If I'm in a relationship, let's say, that just because I'm not comfortable with PDA doesn't mean I care about them any less. I just don't want people in my business.
How he acts in private is important. The only thing I'd worry about is if some time has passed(because this seems pretty new), and he's acting the exact same way. Chances are he'll be more comfortable showing (a little) more affection when it's been a while.
I'd just go with the flow. If you really care about the guy, you'll move at his pace or compromise.
Plus it's work, and jobs are more important than fledgling relationships, sorry to say.
I'm not saying this couldn't develop into something great, but setting a good standard of limited intimacy at work is probably the smart thing to do. Props to him.
- John
i get that its odd for someone who's used to a little bit of PDA. my SO was like that too - notice i said WAS. afterwards i told him if he liked me, he shouldn't mind showing it in public. we used to never hold hands. it definitely takes awhile to get used to, but after i told him straight up, he made an effort to change. now he's the one holding MY hand.
@Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - Agreed. I'm kinda like that too.
I don't think it's a bad thing to be private. Some people are just like that.
@PorcelaineLove@xanga - Thank you!
nope, I mean does other co-workers wants to see other co-workers kisses and stuff at a work place? No!
to be honest with you, since your used to people chasing after you, and now this guy comes along and is a bit slower than the usual chase your used to . your feel as if something is wrong. i wouldnt say the problem is 'private related'.
SLOW IT DOWN everyone dont have to jump your bones so relaxe and take it slow nothing wrong with that. dont try and change him. if he is the type that dont like people all up in his buisness then so be it u should be happy because that prevents rumors and people bad mouthing u guys to other people. also have u ever heard of co workers shouldnt date each other and if so they get fired. yeah maybe u should read up on it, unless u dont care about your job then u do as u plz but some people like making money and there is plenty of time to have fun after work. so relaxe and go with the flow.
@PorcelaineLove@xanga - I agree with you!
I would, but your personality seems to clash with his, so maybe you wouldn't.
it depends, i mean my definition of a private person is different from yours. i think your co-worker just doesn't like pda's. a lot of people aren't into that but i wouldn't categorize it as a private person.
absolutely not
it doesn't always equal bad. it's kinda awesome for me, because quiet=mysterious.. there's something about a mysterious guy and being the one who really knows how he's like. but then again, it can get old after a while. depending.
I think him being 'private' is fine. No one likes to make out at work places, it's pretty unethical.
@BoStOnIaNMoMmY@xanga - Uh, I know about that rule. That rule doesn't stand where I work.
@Cest_LaxVie@xanga - Meh!
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - That's what I'm thinking, maybe I should leave this guy alone.
@wolvenchic@xanga - i totally agree.
i'm very private person myself. sure i like hugs and all but other things i would like to keep when we both are alone and not infront of people.
I prefer private XD Once in a while a small PDA wouldn't hurt though.....