Two days ago, I hugged my boyfriend warmly for the first time in a long while. My head rested lightly in the nook of his arms, as I took his familiar scent and smiled at the pleasant memories. When we finally pulled away from each other, I looked romantically into his face, only to hear him say: "Damn, that burp felt good. I was so gassy. Can you burp me?" To tell you the truth, I don't remember the last time I've seen him completely happy when he's with me. That spark, that excitement in his face, is now a perfunctory reflex to our interactions. The romanticism is dead. And it's sad that I know him so well that I can tell he's not truly happy with me.
For the first time in our relationship, I feel that I honestly can never be good enough for him, which makes me feel horrible.
What's sadder still is that I still love him so much, despite the flaws in our relationship. It completely breaks my heart that I can't make him happy anymore.
He used to look at my face when we talked. Now, he looks past my face at what's going on around us.
He used to always want to kiss me. Now, our intimacy are dictated by physical instincts.
He used to do anything to be able to be close to me. Now, he's so quick to cancel our dates if something goes slightly wrong.
He never used to talk about other girls. Now he's always looking at them, even jokingly talking about them.
He calls me "dawg" and "son" instead of "beautiful" and "baby."
He used to do anything to make me happy, now he thinks I'm annoying for wanting to do some things even though I bend over backwards sometimes for him.
I love him so much... I always want to be close to him, and I always want to make him happy. But I think his emotions are gone. We've been together for 2.5 years. Is this just how long term relationships turn out? Should I stick it out in hopes of something more? We're long distance as well, which makes things harder. Or are we just growing apart? Maybe I'm just not what he's looking for right now.
I don't want to lose him, but I feel like I already have...
My dear, my dear dear dear.... I feel like it's my fault completely that I have lost you.. No amount of makeup can force you to find me prettier. No amount of dieting or working out can force you to find me more attractive. And no matter how tightly I hug you, you would sooner feel your own gas than my heart. What do I do now?
Recommend
Comments (31)
It sounds like you two need to sit down and talk things over. I think that is all you can do.
That is one of the biggest obstacles in a long term relationship. The fact that the SO feels either too comfortable or maybe bored because to them, it might be the same routine over and over again makes it much harder to save the relationship. My last relationship ended because she got bored of me (when I keep playing with my own mind saying that it wasn't). Right now, with my current girlfriend, I often wonder if it will happen (either to her or me again) and how soon it would (which I shouldn't do because it drives me insane). I wish I can offer some advice, but there's really none that I can think of that would help. All I can say is, maybe try talking to him about it and asking how he really feels. Some closure might help, even if it hurts at first. Good luck.
Sounds like you need to talk to him and sort out what's going on
Talk it out. You can't take steps unless you communicate and figure out things. :]
I think you might find an answer if you two sit down and talk this out to find out what's really going on. Best of luck!
that's sad when emotions are lost..
you need to talk it out with him. good luck!<3
Every relationship starts out with the infatuation stage. You two are amazed at how great the relationship is and you both believe that you've found the perfect person with whom to be with. You do anything to be with the other person, making sure that things go right in order to make the best of what little time you have with each other. But after a while, each of your faults start standing out more. This person who used to be so unique and special is no longer the amazing person you thought they were. They're faulty, just like every other person you pass by on the street. What happens here is why most relationships fall apart. Either one or both of you decides to break things off because things just aren't the same anymore. That perfect person isn't so great now. But that's where people are mistaken. You will never find someone who is truly perfect for you. But you can and will find people who make you better. You need to determine if he can be someone who can help you as a person grow with him by your side. It seems to me that he's not noticing you in the same light after all this time has passed. He no longer sees you as that one he'd do anything for. But you can't blame him. Things have faded. You need to talk about it with him. You need to let him know that even though he thinks you two can remain in the current state, you disagree. If he really does love you for who you are, he'll realize how poorly he's treated you. He'll realize that even though things aren't as perfect as they used to be, he'd rather have you than any other girl that he looks at. Just talk to him, give him a chance. If things don't turn out right, do what's right for you. But at least give him a chance first.
Talk to him.
"Son"!? "Dawg"!? He's a bamma and he's probably telling you something in a passive guy way to.
son and dawg?
are ya goin out wit my grandpa?
talk it out for sure.
all relationships are different, but i don't think you should assume that all long-term long-distance relationships become that way. there's a difference between being comfortable and just appearing completely disinterested. if he's not willing to make you feel special and love you for you (and express that to you!), i'd say you deserve better. but talk it out first to see what he's thinking.
Wow...I feel for you..
. def. talk about it, but if there's no improvement...really think about whether or not it's worth staying with him. Goodluck!!!
Talk it out with your boyfriend about how you feel. If nothing changes after that, then maybe you guys should go your separate ways. Good luck.
sounds to me you ought to tell him exactly what you wrote above. It isn't that you aren't good enough he probably doesn't even realize you feel this way. Men need straight forward talk not hints or suggestions. He probably doesn't know how to deal with the LD part of everything so he overcompensates.
Let him know what you want and need and if he is a good guy he will do what you ask. Let him know that you need him to look at you when you talk. Let him know that you need to be told how he feels about you . From my experience is men think you already know how they feel so they don't need to say anything. They also don't read minds or take hints or suggestions they need someone to be straight with them.
I hope you can talk things through....and if not...seperate before it is too hard to do.
Hmm... just an observation, you may be looking at your own attractiveness as your selling point in this relationship? Perhaps it would help to reduce that focus on looks (which is still important) and believe in yourself as a person. As others have said, you should initiate a talk with him and be prepared for anything.
Honest opinion, I would say that he has lost interest. Long distance is not for everybody and if he is blatantly looking around at other girls and uses more neutral wording such as dawg when referring to you then the outlook is not so good. He is making the motions as a boyfriend, but the mind and heart is not in it.
that's exactly what happened to me.
and then i talked to him about it. cried to him. fought with him. i told him i just wanted it the way it used to be and he kept telling me i was wanting more, that i was being too clingy.
and in the end, i gave up. we were about to break up when he sort of realized that he would rather not lose me. and now, it's been mostly better since. it's not all lovey-dovey like it was in the beginning, but it's more of a comfortable, balanced not-taking-each-other-for-granted-all-the-time relationship. :)
I haven't been in a relationship long enough to get out of the "honey-moon-phase". I wish you luck.
All long-term relationships are NOT like this. Yeah, you hit a plateau in intimacy and the "honeymoon phase" fades away, but take me and my boyfriend for instance. We've been together just shy of three years, lived together two and a half, so we're around each other constantly. We touch and hug and kiss and laugh together everyday. We take time out of our busy schedules (full time work + full time school) to go on daytrips and mini-vacations and real vacations. Even though we do the mundane things like grocery shopping together, we always have fun. He's definitely my best friend...best friend with benefits! (to quote that Alanis Morisette song) And yes, while we went from having sex up to five times a day when we first got together it's gone down to 2 or 3 times a week...but it's all about compromise.
But enough gushing.
You need to talk this out with your boyfriend, but it seems like you're already so negative about it. You say no amount of makeup can make you prettier to him, and that you know him so well that you can tell you don't make him happy. It's probably not just you...obviously, his end of things has changed too.
My best advice on talking to him: do it in a neutral place, not at either of your houses or in a car. Somewhere a bit more open, like a coffee shop or outside, so he doesn't feel threatened or pressured into anything. Just...talk it out and hope for the best, even if the best, for both of you, may not involve each other.
Best of luck.
I know exactly want you mean, gone through alsmost the same thing but we didn't make it
... communication is the best thing right now, talk to him, find out what is going on rather then assuming everything inbetween... it takes two people to make it work.
First, you shouldnt always blame yourself for these kinds of things. Change happen as Im realizing that now as well in my 4.5 yr relationship. Everyone is right about talking it out with him or if you cant bring yourself to do that try showing him this blog or wrting him a letter. Also, you cant always please everybody. Youre a very beautiful girl and I can understand that you love this guy, but sometimes people will never be satisfied with whatevr we do or give them so maybe take the time to take care of your own self and when youve finally come to realize u dont need to change who you are bc you love who you are then its the boys that will come to you.
my boyfriend and i are the same way. we are long distance and have been together on and off for a year. it is a struggle just to get him to talk to me and when i get to see him he's always hangin out with his friends. making plans with him is next to impossible. and other girls are always talking to him and whatnot, (hes a huge flirt) hes even done it in front of me before. he says he loves me but i think its gone as well.
mayb you should take a little break from your boyfriend and see how things work out, see if you both still want to be with eachother. it may even bring you closer, or just show you the truth that you've been trying to hard to deny.
i hope everything works out for you
<3
you just explained my life right now. to a t. but what do you do when you know "talking about it" will annoy him more than anything else?
Basically if you want to try to make things work, you need to be upfront with him and talk to him about how you feel. It seems that he's doing this on pirpose but maybe if you ask him he isn't, only discussing it can reveal that.
And no in my world long relationships don't end up doing this =/
talk and I hope it works out, but don't keep trying if he's not interested, that just means you were meant for someone else more worth your time :]
@getta_ring_on_it - if he doesn't even want to try then you need to break up completely because if he loves you he will listen. =/
Love is not a feeling; it's an action. Not happy with the way things are? Then talk to him about it.