Friday, 04 September 2009
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Is It Good to Change?
I love when girlfriends and boyfriends say "I'll change him/her, or they will change". Do people really change?
I don't believe it. However, people's habits do change.
I think when people do say things like, I can change him/her or eventually he/she will change it all has to do with a little bit of denial. Inside, the other person knows their love interest won't change like that with pushing and picking. You can do it in little bits, but you can only change a habit that you don't really like, not the person as a whole.
Humans really do take on characteristics of animals. Let's put it this way, you just got a cute kitten that you decide to name, oh I don't know, we'll say Cuddles. You're bringing Cuddles into a new surrounding with new things to do and places to go. You place their food down, and their litter box and show them where everything is. You wake up the next morning and cuddles had an accident on the floor. So, you pick Cuddles back up, and then you show him where the litter box is until Cuddles understands that it's not okay to poop on the floor. That's breaking a bad habit Cuddles had, but its not changing the personality or the true Cuddles, is it?
It works the same way in relationships, you just have to understand that you cannot change a person as much as you would like to. We all will have a little problem with something our lover does, it could be a little list or countless things but, without these little issues, everything would be too perfect, and where is the fun in perfection? Flaws can be sexy if you just see them in the right light.
What do you think about flaws? Do you think flaws are what makes a person?
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About the Author
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- From: xxmisscupcakes@xanga
- Name: xxmisscupcakes
- About Me: My name is Samantha, im 19 years young. My blogs are filled with insight and advice on different things but mostly relationships. Why? well.. i've had a lot of people come to me wanting advice and help with their relationships, so i thought i would share my blogs with everyone instead of being selfsh and just helping out my friends. I'm not a psychologist, i don't have a degree in anything but i do have quite the amount of knowledge. All i have is what i know. Don't be afraid to send me questions, and i will post it as a blog :) I cannot garuntee that every question will be answered, so please be patient! advice e-mail: xxmisscupcakes@hotmail.com
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Comments (24)
well sometimes lol you love a person fully and wouldnt want THEM to change at all! but you wouldnt mind if they altered a few habits. idk i'm not into "changing" my boyfriend, if i didnt like him as him, i'd be dating someone who already is.
I agree, I am deperatly trying to change the fact that my boyfriend will not stop pooping on the f- oh, i mean rinsing his dishes.
But you cannot change a persons traits. Its just the way it is.
Everyone should love their flaws, that's what makes them THEM, and it is up to the individual himself/herself on whether or not they want to improve on their flaws, not their SOs.
buy a cat who's already litter-box trained next time... that way you don't have to change its ways.
I can't get over how cute that cat is!
I don't believe in changing for someone or changing them. I obviously liked them for some reason so, asking them to change might get rid of the reason I wanted them to begin with. And I like who I am and I'll be damned if that's ever gonna change.
I wonder how "Penis Sightings?" is related to this post.
that is the cutest picture ever.
great analogy! and cute kitty!
KITTYYY <3
it's good to break bad habits, but it's something the person has to do themselves.
girls are stupid because they think they need to change their boyfriends. it's like the idiotic concept of the white man needing to convert (read: kill) the natives of each country to their religion. ohhhh my bf isnt exacty liek edward!!! omg!!! i shuld change him so he weeeel love meh like bellaaaa <3Â
I've learned that trying to change a person might work temporarily, but within a few weeks or years, they will go back to being the same person they were.
some things need to be changed, in my personal opinion. my bf used to be really into smoking weed. my main problem with it wasn't that he smoked it, but that it's illegal. i had no problems with it otherwise, but he had been arrested twice and we both had court cases this year because of it. the other thing that bothered me was that he seemed to feel like he "needs" weed to be/have fun, even though he denied it. i tried for months to get him to quit, and nothing i said worked. he had to change himself. and he finally did, and has been clean for four months now, and i'm incredibly proud.
he also has a problem with impulse control, especially when driving. he toned it down a lot over the course of our relationship, but lately had been falling into his old ways, until i finally told him i was absolutely terrified by his driving. it was for everyone's safety, especially my own.
some people need to change parts of them. for their own benefit or for the general population. i don't think people should try to change every aspect of who someone is, because it can't possibly last. if you have that many issues with a person you're dating, then the person you're dating can't really be the one for you. some people are so afraid of being alone that they don't leave and just ruin everything.
Taking flaws gives you more character creation points. And who doesn't want to have a cooler, more skillful character? Merits are just for flare, anyway. ;)
(10,000,000 brownie points to anyone who understands that.)
If you don't like that your boyfriend poops on the floor... get a new boyfriend.
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So if I don't like that my kitty poops then I should go get a new one..? Err.. that SUCKS. You're not good enough for me so I'm gonna get a new one? How about I just encourage the kitty to learn to be better? I don't think the kittys flaws are apart of someone's personality. It's just a problem it has. I'm NOT asking the kitty to dress diffently, change it's fur color, to meow in a higher pitch, to like chasing balls, or anything else. I'm asking the kitty to stop pooping because it ruins the carpet and our pet relationship.Â
So I have to love the mistraind kitty's poop regardless, I have to love my kitty misbehaving.. because it's "apart of them" (I guess technically it was).. Not all kitty's are perfect, I'm not asking for a perfect one. I'm just trying to help them improve themselves to get everybody on track. There should never be forcing but encouragement.
Now I've noticed this kitty metaphor has gone way too long, but I'm going to post it anyway. You guys get the point.. :)
personally, I believe people CAN change their views and beliefs, not only their habits. People mature, come to realizations, and.. are not the same person as before.
oh my, I love that lovely kitten
i believe that people can change, but i never ever ever try to change anyone.
every person i've been with has told me that i've changed them or ever since they met me they've changed somehow and usually they're happy about it because the change is for the better.
i take that as a compliment, but honestly.. i never try to change anyone so i never really understand what affect i have. i don't think it's right to change someone just so that they're more of what you want.
but i don't think it's a terrible thing when someone changes because of having someone new in their life. i think that just really shows how much one person needs another. not that people HAVE TO need each other.
i don't know if i'm making a point..
ha, basically i never try to change anyone. it just happens to be that every guy i've dated has marvelled at how i have made a difference in their life.
and that's nice to hear. but never try to change anyone for your benefit. that's just selfish.
@ellendotsong@xanga -
i love your kitty metaphor! haha.. because its so true. i just wanted people to get the point of this post through the metaphor :)this reminds me ofa quote.
"Every girl thinks she can change a player,
but the truth is, it's not the player that needs to change. It's the girl. Because every player is on a mission to find that one girl that makes him lose his desire to play."
It's all a question of where you draw the line. For example, I can deal with a guy who burps. I cannot deal with a guy who burps in my face (yes, I dated that guy).
And no, no one can change for another person. We can only change for ourselves and our own reasons. My ex boyfriend's motto was "I'll change. It'll be different!". For the record, it never changed and it was never different. I also tried to change for my ex. Did not work. I was trying but I'm me. Love it or leave it.