Friday, 04 September 2009
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Excuse Me Pal, She's With Me.
Is it cheating if you are in a relationship and you decide to hang out one on one with someone who likes you but you don't like them?
The situation is Girl has a boyfriend, but another Guy, who has "liked" her ever since they met, wants to take her out for her birthday.
I'm not sure what girls think about this, but say I was the boyfriend in the scenario, I would be a little upset. It's not really an insecurity issue, but just because I'm not insecure doesn't mean give me a reason to doubt your word. Are guys supposed to wait until they are cheated on to be insecure and a little less trustful? I think not. She thinks it's an innocent little hang out, and for all we know, it could be. It could innocent and harmless. However, I do NOT like the idea of some guy who I don't know asking my girlfriend out to dinner for her birthday.
She might not make any moves. She could care less about him. She's coming home to me at the end of the day. Her feelings are for me and for me only. I shouldn't have to worry. I should just trust her, right?
But what about him? If he takes her out to dinner or they go see a movie or something, how do I know he won't treat it like a date? How do I know he won't try and get close to her, get all touchy feel-y on her? How do I know that when he does realize that she's not leaving me for him, he's not gonna get all emotional and spread rumors about me or her?
It might not be cheating because it's more one-sided. However, it's still wrong in my opinion. I simply say if you're in a relationship, one on one hang outs with someone who is interested in you are a big no no. What do you think?
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About the Author
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- From: romeosintuition@xanga
- Name: Jin
- About Me: under construction.
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Comments (98)
i totally agree, but explain this to my guy! he thinks i am "immature" to think this because i need to trust him that nothing is going to happen. but i think while i trust him, on the other hand it is pretty disrespctful of him to ask for trust in certain areas. and as i told him, "i trust you not to be in situations like this in the first place!" i won the argument, he isn't going to do it anymore, but he still thinks i am just an insecure little kid about the whole thing. But i think it is is immature for him to need to hang out with a girl who likes him one on one just because he needs a confidence boost or something. isn't that what i am there for? the whole situation is just disrespectful to the SO who wasn't invited.
I'd definitely agree were I not in college and I often hang out with people one-on-one in a totally platonic manner. I have a pretty established sense of who I prefer in a relationship sense and who I don't, so I don't find a problem with it from my perspective, but I completely understand how it'd be the other way around.
I agree you never know what "he" has in mind. I mean how hard it is for him to try to get into her mind.."you know I think I saw your bf the other day at the coffee shop with *girl xyz*". Even if it is a lie he is trying to get into her head! And that is how it starts, even if she doesn't see it he is trying to get her to break up so he can have a chance. No not all guys do that but why put yourself in that position? I think anytime a guy asks a girl out who is in a relationship she should make a point to ask if her boyfriend can come alone *even if she has no intention of inviting him* just to get his reaction. If he is not 100% for the idea then she should not even want to hang out with him, because he doesn't have honorable intentions and she should avoid those situations.
The same goes in reverse *yes girls do ask guys out*.
I think once you are on a serious relationship you should not need to go out to dinner with the oppisite sex alone. Call me immature.. but I just don't think it is right. If a guy wants to take me out, I drag my husband along.
It would just be an awkward thing to do with out my husband. Obviously it is not something to get super worked up over since nothing happened. It does not mean it is weird. You don't want to send the wrong message.
I have done this before. An ex wanted to grab a bite of eat. So we did, he took me golfing and then tried to kiss me. He thought it was a date. When all I did was want to catch up. So now I don't meet up with guys unless it is something harmless like coffee, or my husband is there.
Were it not her birthday and it's an isolated incident, I'd be okay with it. However, why on her birthday and alone on the one day she should be celebrating with friends and family? It's fishy on his part. It'd also be fine if it's lunch in the middle of a busy day. Then it would seem more like a regular hang out. It's just strange it has to be dinner.
as long as there's no kissing or more it's not cheating.
flirting is ok xD
@Azruel@xanga - I agree with you. There is no reason to go out with the oppposite sex if you already have someone.
Some may argue whether it's cheating or not, but one thing is for certain... It's certainly a conflict of interest. Just on that basis alone, I would not hang out with someone who liked me and I didn't like if I were in a relationship.
i would feel insecure if a girl asked out my bf that i knew liked him.
Kind of sounds like a plot for Jimmy Wayne's "Do You Believe Me Now?" song. In case you guys are wondering, he's a country singer. Basically the first lyrics of the song say:
"Do you remember
The day I turned to you and said I didn't like the way he was looking at you
Yeah
How he made you laugh
You just couldn't get what I was saying
It was my imagination
So do you believe me now
I guess I really wasn't that crazy
And I knew what I was talking bout
Every time the sun goes down
He's the one that's holding you baby
Yeah me I'm missin you way across town
So do you believe me now
I'm kicking myself
For being the one foolish enough giving him the chance to step in my shoes
Ohhh
He was bidin his time
When he saw our love was having a moment of weakness
He was there between us"
Definitely don't want to see you in this predicament, Jin. There's a reason we have gut feelings. If something doesn't feel right, you're probably right on the mark. I wouldn't try to make it sound like you're accusing her of putting herself in a situation like this, but if you just genuinely and gently approached the subject like, "hey, i know that you want to hang out with (insert guy's name here), but I just wanted to let you know I don't have a good feeling about it." and explain why. If she doesn't want to listen and wants to shrug off the bad vibes you're feeling, it makes me wonder how much she values your relationship.
just letting you know how i feel about what you posted.
I wouldn't call it cheating, but it's questionable. What is the girl's reason for hanging out with this guy who likes her?
My boyfriend actually did this to me. He hung out with a co-worker that openly expressed feelings for him, even though she knew he was with me. I trust him completely, and nothing happened anyway. He was honest with me and he answered my questions.
Make it clear that it is NOT a date and I think it should be fine. I'm more of a guy's girl so I tend to hang out with guys more.
All my boy says is "No sex." Bahaha.
How do I know that when he does realize that she's not leaving me for
him, he's not gonna get all emotional and spread rumors about me or
her = insecurity
Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that you kick all of your friends of the opposite gender to the curb. That is a stupid amount of unnecessary sacrifice.
I'm surprised that nobody has tried to call you out on being insecure yet (yes, I read the entire entry--so don't attack me and say that I didn't). That's new. I like it. :)
Yeah, it's pretty damn questionable and I guess you would have to wait it out to see whether your SO will end up cheating on you or not. Even if they don't mean to, lying/hiding it afterward is cheating too.
'k. Nevermind at the comment above me. haha
Nah, i would NOT be happy if my boy went out to dinner with another girl on his birthday, should he not be celebrating it with me? am i not fun enough? if not, then he might aswell bugger off.
If it was any other day i wouldn't mind so much, but birthdays are pretty important in my view.
Someone always wants something. I don't believe this world is as innocent as we say and like to believe.
I agree with you cause it gives the other guy hope that she might be interested in him. maybe not at that moment but later on once if her feelings changed.
Totally agree! Â This is what ruined my last relationship, but the other way around. Â My ex started hanging out with this girl when I was on vacation for ONE WEEK and they were together by the time I got back. Â But sometimes when those things happen, it's for the best. Â You see someone's true colors and know that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with him/her. Â I just wish I found this out sooner before wasting 4 years of my life on him.
i don't call it cheating but it's definitely wrong to be hanging out with the opposite sex one on one when you know that there's one that has feelings for the other. I would definitely be upset if it happened to me. i have a lot of guys friends but if my bf wasn't around, I wouldn't hang out with them. but that's just me.
@goofball4@xanga - ...Uh, yes there is. There are these people called friends...? On occasion, one might want to, well, hang out with them?
I don't do it, and I expect my boyfriend to not do the same as well. Otherwise, it'd be hypocritical. It's not cheating, but still. Why would you give false hope to someone anyways? It's not right.
@mizzmonkey - Hah tell me about it @_@ Within two weeks after over four years of being together, he was with the girl I most suspected. -.-'
@forgottenrevelations@xanga - didn't mention it in my post, but I meant in the context of going out alone, to dinner, with someone you've met, not a male friend you've had for years. I've had bad experiences, that's why I had an opinion.
That's funny- I'm in a similar type of situation right now, because my boyfriend is planning to go over to his good friend's apartment for the weekend, and I have this gut feeling that she likes him. Well, I'm actually 100% sure, but part of me just hopes that there's a 1% chance of her not liking him like that. I know he loves me, but I just don't like the fact that she likes him and he's going over to her apartment (supposedly she lives by herself). I'm just uncomfortable with it.
You can read the whole story here.
Boo. I never go out alone with a member of the opposite sex when i have a boyfriend, and i expect anyone im dating to do the same.