Thursday, 03 September 2009
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Words of the Wise: "Your Heart will be Broken."
Yesterday, as I walked across campus to my Intro. to Fiction class, I thought about how much I wanted him here with me. He, being my boyfriend of about two months, is only an hour away. That hour is just enough to make me wish I was home again. After discussing our latest short story in class, my professor said something shockingly uncalled for, I thought. In relation to a character in our story, she began to talk about the naive ways of adolescence, and she continued on to say that we are all at the age "in college" where we begin to break out of our naive ways, and learn to find ourselves. After saying this, she continued on with a list of things we will all experience and learn from. Among those things, she said "Your hearts will all be broken. Sorry, but they will. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they will most likely break your heart." Wow. That hit me pretty hard. I could barely focus on the rest of the lesson because I kept repeating those words, which she threw around so nonchalantly, in my mind.
This all comes down to one question: "Is it true that I should assume that I am too young to be in a relationship that could actually last? Am I too naive to think that I could get through this without my heart being broken?
I guess a reason it concerned me so much is that I recently got out of a relationship that was four and a half years long. I loved him, but decided it wouldn't work anymore because we had too much baggage. He cheated on me two years into our relationship, and though I did take him back, I never forgot what happened. And eventually, the hurt that was buried so far into the gray areas of my mind, slowly started seep up to the surface. I realized the inferiority that I felt would never go away. So I left.
My new boyfriend is amazing. But making the conscious decision to date him was a serious leap of faith for me. I am terrified of getting my heart broken again. It is almost like I am scared to get my hopes up in fear that it will end up in disappointment. I don't want to be in a relationship where there is a barrier of fear between us.
Is it fair that my professor made that statement to our class? Should we really always listen to the "words of the wise?"
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About the Author
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- From: Emmijoy@xanga
- Name: Emily
- About Me: I am a sucker for shopping, hair and makeup, but I don't consider myself much of a girly girl. Make any sense? I have an even bigger passion for music. It is my universal remedy. I am attending college right now- majoring in education & double minoring in art and english. I trust God with my life, and I adore my friends and family. I consider myself blessed.
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Comments (57)
I understand more than 100%. I think it really depends on your maturity and the maturity of the relationship in question. My sister has been dating the same boy since she was 14, they are now 21 and still happily together. I've had two rocky, awful relationships that ended painfully and am now in a seemingly perfect one. But I'm afraid every day that I'll lose him. Its probably not a helpful answer, but I guess only time can tell.
If it feels perfect, don't find something wrong with it. If you and your partner go by the same rule, at least for me this works, then maybe you should have no problems.
I have yet to get my heart broken.
Please dont ruin what you have right now by worrying about what may come later. I always try to take day by day with my SO. Yes we do plan for the future but we also try to keep in mind that it can all quickly change. Nobody knows what may happen in 5, 10, 20 years from now.
PS If it makes you feel any better, you did get your heart broken by your previous bf so i would count that as having your share of broken hearts. Dont jinx what you have!
The truth of the matter is that our hearts will be broken until we find someone who won't break it. To prepare yourself for the end of a relationship is just a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you expect it to fail it will. You'll find doubts and problems wherever you look. However, if you accept the fact that their will be down points and relationships are work then you stand a chance. Love isn't a guarantee. Just live day by day, each day as it's own and take what comes at you. Don't plan your wedding before you reach 3 months. Don't name your unborn children. Just enjoy your new love and watch it grow as it will. If it doesn't grow, that just means there is something better out there. Optimism is the key to any successful relationship.
Well, she is right. Everyone's heart is definitely going to get broken at some point in our lives. I consider people that can last more than a year or two in a relationship as amazing ones that truly love each other. My sister and her boyfriend are an example. They broke each other's hearts at one point, but they have now been together for two years or more, even with him being away in the Air Force. It's difficult for them, but they manage, and they truly love each other. I honestly expect them getting married.
Your professor was doing nothing wrong in saying those words :] she was stating a fact ! Don't dwell too much on it though. I'm sure you guys will be fine together ! Best of luck ! :D
@The_Story666@xanga - that's a good way of looking at it :]
Love like you've never been hurt, I say.
No one KNOWS that they'll make it all the way. But it would be a huge waste of your time to hold back with what you have now based on that. Don't ruin what you have.
Live in the moment. Worrying about the future of your relationship will only alter it in ways you wouldn't want it to be.
what they all said!
What makes love so special and amazing is that you put yourself out there, be totally vulnerable and open up your heart to love someone despite the fact that you may get your heart broken.
I think it was fair of her to say. The divorce rate is 50%. Someone is bound to have their heart broken when a marriage ends in divorce. Most people that get married have been one or more other relationships as well. Although not inevitable, like death and taxes, it is likely that most people will have their heart broken at one time. I've had mine broken, I recovered and it became just another life lesson that made me who I am today.
haha. i had a professor last semester who was like this. he was funny, but damn his view on life and love scared the shit out of me, but i was glad i took his class and glad he opened my eyes to this view of the world. :x perhaps your professor is correct in many ways. :X the wise words of the wise ones are never wrong, but that shouldn't make you feel afraid. i know professors can have cold-cut harsh words of advice, but don't take them as offensive, soak it in and :x keep words you might be able to use as references in the future. i believe you should trust your feelings and your heart and of course your boyfriend until you can't trust him anymore. at least this way, you know deep down in your gut you'll always know that you stayed true to him and if he didn't do the same for you then, it wasn't you fault and you definitely deserve better.
heck no, what she said is merely an opinion, not a fact... we choose to see what we want to see, we choose to hear what we want to hear, and we choose to believe what we want to believe... a fact is backup by evidences... these evidences may not always be right as they could be manipulated and misinterpret, and or could be taken from a biased sample... this opinion one person has may have collateral damage to the many other couples, which may likely lead to breakups... but of course, you can't turn a blind eye to it and hope nothing will happen... if you do, eventually it'll come back to haunt you... so really, it all depends on you and your partner... how you feel about each other... how well you know each other... how well... you get the point... anyways, cheers...
things like that make me never want to get into relationships.
To be honest, I think your professor is right, in a sense.
The words, "Your heart will be broken," rings true in my ears. However, I don't agree her subsequent statement about boyfriends and girlfriends.
Love and getting your heart broken are not exclusive to relationships dealing with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Love is found in numerous other relationships, such as a close friend or a relative.
Don't tell me that when you see grieving parents burying their five-year-old son, because someone decided to callously take his life away, you don't think their hearts have been shattered. I know when my grandmother passed away, my heart was broken.
It's true in life that your heart will get broken some time or another, but you shouldn't dwell on it and constrict you in life. It's similar to death. Everyone will die eventually. You know you're going to die sooner or later. But instead of living with fear of death, you carry on.
Sure, it can be disheartening, but think about it. Getting your heart broken isn't the end. It will heal again and you will love again.
getting your heart broken can mean many different things. of course, having a broken heart means getting hurt by the one you love, but a broken heart has so many levels. it can be a broken heart from him/her saying mean things to you out of anger, but not really meaning it to him/her cheating on you. getting your heart broken doesn't necessarily mean a break up. it just means the other will at some point hurt you, but what kind of relationship doesn't go through hard times and times of feeling completely torn by the other. those experiences can help relationships grow stronger. it hurts to have your heart broken (DUH), but it shouldn't be something
you're afraid of. of course it sucks and it sounds crazy that i'm
saying this, but i feel that every relationship and feelings of having our hearts broken teaches us more about ourselves. everything that happens in
relationship is a lesson to be learned from whether it is something
good or bad. you learn more about what you like and dislike, what you're looking for in the relationship, how you
tolerate things, what you want in a man/woman.. i mean, if it does end in a break up, that sucks, but life goes on and so will you at some point.
@aexanatomy@xanga - i second what she said (:
wow. i dated my boyfriend two years.
the summer after my first year of college, he broke my heart
or rather, the break up did. lol
i think what your professor is saying is from her own experience, but don't take what every thing everyone says to you to heart because that's their experience not yours. of course, your heart's going to be broken one time or another but when the time comes, it will come. just because you guys are young, doesn't mean that it's not going to work out. relationships take a lot of work even if it's a good relationship. just trust your heart and your own feelings and let the forces of nature do their work on your relationship.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - i agree with you. =/
sometimes you just have to go off of the belief that it will last. like what others have said, don't start doubting your relationship; love without abandon.
Just think- you've already gotten your heart broken once, so that's your share of heartbreaks! Don't EVER worry about getting your heart broken (unless the bf is getting painfully obvious about it), because that will really hurt the relationship that you are in right now. Just live it a day at a time- and be happy :)
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