Thursday, 03 September 2009
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Who's Wearing the Pants in Your Relationship?
So, one of the biggest complaints a girlfriend has about a boyfriend is, "He never communicates with me, all he wants is sex." And from the boyfriend about a girlfriend, "She always wants to talk about our feelings, bleh!"
Well, at least that's what I thought was the biggest complaints for those genders, but the more guys I date, the more I feel it's really the other way around. My ex and I got along fine, we had great times together and had great conversations, but I guess our downfall is that we never really communicated to each other how we actually felt about each other (so I'm told).
I am totally okay with that, because I knew how I felt towards him, and trusted he felt that way towards me since we were dating. I was more interested in being physical with him, because I cared a lot about him, and he was really good looking. The most popular time for us to "get it on" somewhat was when he would drop me off at my house. This is we're we have a problem.
He liked to spend that time telling me what was going on in our relationship, what he felt would make us closer, what I was doing wrong, and all sorts of things. These talks were annoying because I wanted him to stop talking, and they made me feel like shit...that relationship didn't work out.
My current relationship isn't working out. Mainly because I am just not that attracted to my boyfriend, and attraction is important! Yes, there is emotional attraction, but no physical attraction. I could live with that I guess, but now he texts me all the time, and I never text back, usually because I'm driving. Plus I just don't really care for texting. But, I could live with his constant texts....until he sent me a text saying, "Hey, feel free to stop by later, I'm just gonna be here bored so you can swing by later so we can talk for a few we don't get to talk much." I am not sure why, but I wanted to ask him, "Can you just be a man?"
I wish these guys would be more manly and sort of go back to the "hiding their feelings."
Am I the only gal out there who feels this way? Are men and woman sort of "switching roles"?
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About the Author
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- From: kitkats_guitar12@xanga
- About Me: Yea, I don't write any of this so people can feel sorry for me (popular belief). For one, pitty never solved anything or helped anyone. If you have any opinion about what I say, I would love to hear it, especially advice or support, or opposition. Thanks, and good luck with your life.
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Comments (43)
Neither of us, cause we always decide things together and ask for each other's input and opinions. However, if I wanted to.. I could, because of his laid back and gentle personality. I wouldn't though, I enjoy how everything is equal between us and no one "takes charge."
...pants?
I agree with you, that men and women are sort of switching roles. It doesn't apply to all men, but man, I see it a lot nowadays.
My last boyfriend openly communicated about anything and everything that was bothering him/was on his mind.
That relationship was actually quite recent, and didn't work out very
well, but I feel like that's because I still have some growing up to
do. I don't push what they say away; rather, I try to use his criticism
to work on myself. It's something that you don't always like to hear,
but sometimes, it's necessary for a good relationship.
My advice? Maybe you SHOULD try talking and listening to him, instead of just wanting him to shut up and get down.
I will be the first to say, good for you for wanting a manly man! Just don't go overboard on the manly, you may end up missing the communication (Take them both if you find it).
I wear the pants..and she rips them off me. Its a win-win.
my boyfriend lets me wear the pants...figuratively [and i guess literally too, because he's never stopped me from wearing pants or anything...]
I'd like to say I wear the pants, but I guess really, we both do. We don't hide anything from each other, he tells me if I've made him made and what I need to do better, and I tell him the same thing. We work things out that way.
I wish I was in that relationship. lol. Because trust me, it sucks to feel like you are the only person who cares about the status of your relationship and the other person just wants to get lucky and have a good time.
The thing is, I don't think gender roles are changing. They just are for you. Because for all of my relationshipsme and my SO's attitudes and roles are very stereotypical. But for you--well, you aren't filling the "girl role" very well. And relationships are like rubberbands, one side pulls away and the other will follow, and since you are more of the typical "guy" in your relationships it makes sense that your guys get in touch with emotional needs and feelings they would have never even recognized if they had been with any other girl who was doing enough relationship and feeling analyzing for the both of them.
My advice for you, since I just recently vowed I would stop giving "advice" to my fiance in efforts to be more like you lol, is that somethings you just can't take for granted. Your SO should be able to trust your feelings for him, but on the other side of the coin, why should he have to? It should be something you want to show to him as much as you can. Say thank-you for little things, engage in conversations even when you just want to get it on, laugh at his jokes, and tell him you are crazy about him--often. He will feel like you get it and become a normal guy as soon as he realizes that you undersatnd the depth of this relationship, because right now he thinks you just don't care.
i like when my man "wears the pants" but i have to say we generally both share that role.
you're going to have to get over your communication issues if you ever want a successful relationship.
my boyfriend and i talk about EVERYTHING, even the unpleasant things or things that might make one of us angry or upset. you should consider yourself lucky to find guys who are so willing to be open with you.
i did the first couple of times we went out, but now i think i've handed over the roll. hah. i mean, i just kinda had to. i don't want him being seen as like "whipped".
nope my bf still hides his thoughts and stuff.
but i wear the pants in our relationship...he thinks differently lol
Neither of us wear pants in my relationship. It's a lot healthier that way!
can we not associate the traditionally masculine attire with "having power" in the relationship? i also dislike the gender stereotypes this post seems to engender and promote.
well I only wear pants sometimes shorts but she prefers dresses and skirts..
if you mean who is in charge we both are.
@jordannnnxo@xanga - since when is being "whipped" a bad thing?
we never wear pants
@fugita@xanga - uhm. ever since urban dictionary defined it as this;
"being completely controlled by your girlfriend or boyfriend...in most cases a guy being completely controlled by his girlfriend. "
@jordannnnxo@xanga - that doesn't say it is bad...
@fugita@xanga - well, around here. it's a bad thing. it's the guy has no control. all guys want some kinda control.
@jordannnnxo@xanga - control is an illusion, any control. if a guy lets a girl have control he is still in control because if she goes too far you can always leave her and she can't control that.
yeah.... um. seriously? the point isn't whether they are switching roles, that's just stereotypical.
I mean yes, you have the stereotypical girl who will be like "feelings, communication is key, blah" and the stereotypical guy who is like "sex... doggy style? sex sex!" but when 2 people are actually in love there's a balance.
and the title, "who's wearing the pants in you relationship" makes no sense. neither of you are in charge of your relationship. "wearing the pants" usually refers to who's in control. and you sure aren't because all you seem to want is sex. it's called balance and until you realize that, most of your relationships are sure to fail =/
but maybe not I'm no doctor haha. but seriously try to realize that.
@fugita@xanga - hmm. i see where you're at but at the end of the day it at least appeared that i was in complete control over him and his decisions. appeared being the key word here.
@jordannnnxo@xanga - yep appeared... but appearances don't matter just what is. I can appear to be a millionaire but actually be broke. Appearances only matter to those who are shallow and only care about them, and not what is real.
@fugita@xanga - yeah. understood. but i was a bitch the first few times we went out so it was more like i put him down and didn't let him have his own ways or whatever. i mean at the end of the day, whether it appeared or i actually was in control, i was a bitch. i was control-ling, and possibly not in control.
@jordannnnxo@xanga - but at least now you see it, which means the next guy will benefit for what you have learned.