Thursday, 03 September 2009
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What's Love?
I have never said 'I love you' to a girl ever, even as friendly 'I love you' sort of way. I never understood how someone could say those words and actually mean them. I grew up in a very broken home with my parents never showing affection, if anything anger was the order of the day between them, so my role models weren't the best in the world. I had a few girlfriends. One in high school (doesn't really count, you're too young at that point to really know what a relationship is, for the most part) and two while in college. Only one of those, my first real relationship did I think about saying 'I love you,' but I never understood the terminology nor if it was right or anything... so I let it go, and her and I split. My second relationship, she said it first and I never thought she meant it and thus I never said it back because I didn't want to say something I didn't mean. I don't say things I don't mean. I choose my words carefully and weigh all the possibilities before jumping into anything.
Now here comes the question of what does love means and maybe also how/when is the right time to say it.
I am now dating this amazing girl, she is basically everything I have ever looked for and then some. We were best friends for a while before anything actually happened, and when it did, we freaked out because we didn't want to loose our friendship and then we realized we really liked each other. She trusts me and I trust her, in many ways she is my second half and knows when I need a good kick in the ass and me with her.
I feel like the words 'I love you' will probably come out of my mouth at some point because I think that I am in love, but without knowing what that is or really means, how can i actually say it? I would like to know what it actually means before saying it so that when I do say it, I mean it. I don't want to be like other people who might say it just to get laid or because they think its what the girl wants to hear. I actually want to mean it in every way possible...
So can anyone tell me what it means/ time/ how to say it?
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About the Author
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- From: rockawaysurfer45@xanga
- About Me: currently working in the real world. what more can i say. oh yeah SURFING, RUNNING, BASEBALL. thats all.
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Comments (25)
Ok, first off 'I love you' is something best left to saying when you mean it, so
Definition:
(You are the one that makes my heart, mind and soul lift just because I know you are there, and I look forward to being with you, near you or just hearing you voice whenever possible.)
As for when to say it, that is easy, only when you mean it! Only when you have found that person you can see yourself being with for more then just the summer, semester, or spring break. When you find the person you can see yourself being with a year, two years or longer with and you can't see yourself being happy without.
Disclaimer feeling like that person is everything without being great friends first, is not love, it's called lust. Friendship first, relationship when and when/if it happens.
I hope that helps.
my opinion--if the words are on their way out of your mouth, like it sounds like they are, then that is how you feel. So say it! even if you all break up in six months, does it matter if you said it or not? not really. Because whether or not you say it you both are going to walk away hurt.
The thing is, love is a feeling. It's that feeling when you are just looking at her and it goes through your mind, "She is perfect and i would do anything to make her happy", that is love.
So tell her. The words themselves aren't a commitment. Commitment comes the day you mention watching that movie that comes out next august with her on opening night. When you talk about getting married and what your house is going to look like. When you laugh about your first borns name. That is commitment, that is when you break up and it hurts you both worse because you had started planning your future around each other.
What you feel is the truth. You love her. But at some point in the future you are going to have to decide if loving her forever is something you want to commit to doing. You want to decide if she is worth staying with no matter what, even when that blissful feeling you have now isn't so strong.
But saying you love her now doesn't indicate that decision. Saying it now is telling her the truth and making yourself vulnerable to her and your relationship. And trust me, once you say "I love you" you will only then actually be open to letting your relationship growing any further.
Hmm, I'm a love everybody type of person. I define it as a feeling of fondness toward a particular person. I feel that toward most people though.
The romantic love you are talking about is really just that fondness feeling added with some form of sexual passion (even if you aren't having sex). Perhaps a little stronger. Point is, do you care about her wellbeing? Yes. Then you love her.
@fugita@xanga - I completely agree with you on there. :) I couldn't have said it better myself.
@ichigo705@xanga - thank you.
If you want to say it, which it seems you do, why not? Most often people regret the things they don't do more than the things they do do.
Sorry dude, love is too subjective to define clearly. But I did like the post where the person said that Love is a verb, and not a noun.
hmm. take the plunge dude.
you never know the future - life is always going to be about risks. there are far more dangerous risks you could take than speaking your heart.
also, its not really something you need to reserve for "one person." if you think you feel it, you probably do, and saying so sometimes multiplies the feelings for both people by billions!
whether or not it lasts you know. it doesnt matter, cause RIGHT NOW, that's what it is. its always worth it.
just say it when you feel it, you don't have to rush to say that to anyone if you don't want to or feel it. i'm sort of like you, i don't say it too often, but only twice to two people i truly loved because i don't like throwing that phrase around. and i don't like hurting people. but to me, love means being able to be yourself in front of that person even in the worst times, being able to share anything and not be judged, being able to feel anything, and being selfless.
my boyfriend was worried about when to say i love you, but he was right one day when we were talking &he said: "i was trying to pick the right time to tell you this, i wanted it to be something special, something that we could both remember as sweet.. but i realized it dosent matter when i tell you, what matters is that i mean it &i do, i love you..."
it was the sweetest thing ever &i completely agree..
as for what love means.. two words uncoditonal &forever. &just because i say forever dosent mean it has to last forever. to me it just means you are willing to see this relationship through. you dont see the end to it.. (:
Love isn't a meaning, it's a feeling.
Seriously, love has no definition because it changes with each person you're with. If you think you're in love, then you probably are. But if you want to know for sure, you know you love when you can't imagine the rest of your life without someone.
Can you imagine the rest of your life without her? If not...well, that's amore.
-Katie
thank you for being a guy who doesn't use "i love you" for sex.
@fugita@xanga - i very much agree.
you dont prepare urself to say it... you just say it because you feel it. and when you say it, its an indescribable feeling. ahh <3
@akatiegirl - i second that.
by that logic, you must not say much. you probably spend way too much time thinking if something is okay before saying it, and ending up losing the flow of communication. or you're just exaggerating all of this.
@xocomaox@xanga - actually i say a lot, but i think everything though before saying it, however there are fun moments where i have no filter at all and i just go on automatic and just say whatever pops into my head. i actually have long deep conversations with my gf about everything including love/sex/relationships, so to say that i am either exaggerating or end up loosing the flow of communication is incorrect and doesn't reflect what i am trying to ask in the post. when it comes to life and being with a significant other, it is more important to be careful not to say the wrong thing or say something you don't mean. everything i say has meaning. my job requires that i choose what i say/write very carefully because it means the difference between legal or illegal. so everything is careful, my other jobs have required the same. you can say a lot even if you think a lot. by your logic i could say you talk a lot and don't care what it means.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - you are welcome... i never have and i never will, and that might be why i have never said it in my life. i want to mean it not just to get the girl in bed
@forevernevercomes@xanga - that sounds amazing, i am just worried i am gonna say it to early or not mean it. like i want it to flow out, not be forced out of me.
@akatiegirl - thanks for you input there... i think you are right, i just am so confused by what i am feeling, so i thought i would see what others say.
sure "i love you" is a cliche term. sometimes it's just said just for the hell of it, or to get inside someone's pants or just because you feel like you should be saying it. i don't say i love you lightly and when my boyfriend said it early on, it made me really angry. because i felt like those words were so important. so i never really verbally said it to him and he noticed but that's just too bad. it's been two years now and i do say it often and i feel like i mean it. i am incredibly happy with him or when im away from him just to know he's out there. i think you say it when you mean it, you say it at the time you really feel like. this is assuming youre a genuine person. there's no "right" time.
"love" at the tip of the tongue to flush out like you say "sorry". it's baseless.. chemistry works on the "looks" and "likes".
Aw, hun, if you feel the way you described, then now is the appropriate time for it. Especially if you've known her for a while. I've been together with my boyfriend for only a bit over a month, but I knew him for so long before that I can't not tell him how much I love him. He makes me so happy in every way and has done that ever since I met him.
Let her know. <3 It's worth it when you mean it.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - I second that. A guy used me with that once. I really respect any guy who either waits for the appropriate moment or, instead of just saying those three words, gives you many reasons -why- he loves you.
if you feel like those words are going to pop out of your mouth sometime soon, AND you're contemplating it, you're definitely in love. go for it!
It's sweet that you want to make sure you mean it and are waiting for the perfect time to say it, but I think you're worrying too much =P
If you're sure that this girl completes your positive and negative attributes, then that is a very good sign.
And Love is a pretty tricky thing - pretty much all the replies you're going to get on here are going to strictly be opinions. But, as far as I'm concerned, Love can be summed up pretty quickly.
To love someone means that you feel they have saved you or you have (or will be able to save them) in one way or another. Also, knowing that you don't want to go a day without talking to them. And, most importantly, knowing that you would die for them. Die because you know they would do so much better than you, or die because you know you wouldn't be able to live without them
Seems like a pretty drastic defintion on love, I know - but most people I know agree with me that love is apretty intense emotion and if you're really going to mean it, than you'd better have some drastic definition to go along with it.
And as far as a time to say it - when it feels right. I know that sounds pretty damn cliche, but, if you spend too much time waiting and planning out this perfect situation...it's never going to happen and you're going to feel like a dope for waiting around. Honestly, I think it's best to tell someone you love them in the most intimate moment (i.e. just sitting on the couch watching some movie that the two of you love while you discuss your days or your views on some particular topic). Don't wait for some magnificent moment that may never happen in your lifetime. Just when you're both comfortable with each other, that's the most ideal time to go about expressing yourself.
ReeceDarlene
I love you. I will always love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.