Wednesday, 02 September 2009
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I Love You, But I Can't Trust You
My SO and I have been dating for about a year now. He constantly tells me that he loves me and that there's no one else for him. At one point we talked about getting married and having children. All in all, he was the complete package; charming, sweet, handsome. He constantly puts my needs before his needs/wants. But recently he's been hanging out with his friend who is 23. My SO recently turned 21, so he can now go to the club and legally get plastered. Out of the blue he breaks up with me because he says he can't see himself getting married. We are both in the military and I will probably get moved within the next two years. He claimed that breaking up with me now would save us both heartbreak in the end.
Needless to say I was torn in two, because he still said that he loves me and always will, but his actions were screaming something totally different to me. We are back together now because he said I'm worth it to try for. But I feel like he's only with me now because I was so torn over the whole thing. I don't trust him like I used to when he said he loves me.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? Has this ever happened to you? Any feedback would be more than welcome!!
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About the Author
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- From: bebekakes_68@xanga
- Name: Lauren
- About Me: I'm wild. Everything about me is unique, I'm unlike anything you've known. That's a guarantee!
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 1012 Comments: 0 26 View all posts by bebekakes_68@xanga
Comments (26)
you aren't wrong at all to feel how you felt. i was in the same position as you BUT my guy cheated on me several times. when we got back together i just couldn't trust him anymore.
'love grows where trust is laid, and love dies where trust is betrayed'
if you love him, give it another shot. because love is hard to come by. but let me tell you sweetheart, it takes an eternity to trust again. but if the love is strong enough it can happen. he just has to prove it to you.
i wouldn't want to spend every day wondering when he is going to change his mind again and leave me, just like i wondered when my boyfriend was going to cheat again. you always wonder and worry. it isn't healthy.
@missbarbie08@xanga - What she said.
you should definitely talk to him seriously, i dont think love is something you can play with . &if you both love each other then you guys should definitely try to work something out..
why cant guys recognize a good thing when its right there infront of them! >:/
Sounds like he's not ready to truly commit. Sure he loves you, but it sounds like he's got a lot of unexplored ground that he would like to cover before truly committing to someone.
Wow. One question.
You are worth to try it now
But not back then?
Well trust takes longer to gain/build than it does to lose.
If you love him, you should give it a shot. But I do think you should talk to him and let him know that things feel different now. Because what he did was pretty sudden and just out of the blue. You just need to make sure that he really means it when he says he loves you.
The same exact thing has happened to me just under a little bit different circumstances.
my So and I tried again and we've been together for almost a year and a half now with only minor bf gf fights.
It sounds like he may of just found a new part of himself by going out and drinking with his friends....it sounds like he realized that he still wants to have fun before he settles down.
idk.. kind of sounds fishy to me but then again i don't know him.
good luck hun :)
It seems like he doesn't really know what he wants. From my perspective, it seems like a train wreck just waiting to happen. You are not wrong in feeling the way that you do. I think you should do what is best for yourself. If you can't trust him anymore, maybe it's time to let him go and find someone else. If you think it will work out, then talk to him and work on it.
IMO you should take a time out, to sort out your emotions. But keep a loose connection. Set a time frame, not too long though (however long makes sense for your situation). Give him that much time to make up his mind or look elsewhere. It's not healthy do dwell on someone who isn't sure whether (s)he feels at home in your heart; and can be faithful to you.
@yakko1@xanga - Eeeee! Yakko from Animaniacs! :]
@sailorsakura9@xanga - yeah i agree with this.
I once dated a guy who told me the same thing. We planned out our entire future, getting married, having kids, I was even going to give up my dream college which is across the country to be closer to him. He ended up breaking up with me on several occasions, for various reasons, including a) I don't dress conservatively enough (i.e.- i have big boobs and finding fully covering shirts other than t shirts is hard), b) I act differently around him than around my friends, and c) I'm moody. Each time he told me I could trust him not to get hurt again, and each time something else went wrong. We eventually broke up after two years for other reasons, but even after that first break up, it was never really the same. Your trust just drops after, and it's perfectly fine. If your guy means what he says, though, you'll be able to tell by the little things he does.
i've gone through something a little similar (not really, but it has the same underlying concept).
my boyfriend said that he wanted to date other people to see what it was like (since i am/was his first girlfriend and he had serious feelings for me.) and that was basically it. we ended up breaking up and getting back together, but it made me feel like crap and not trust him. it made me feel like i wasnt good enough for him and i wondered if he really did love me, or just loved having a girlfriend. so yes, all that trust that was built up for months was broken in that single conversation. it sucks, but you've gotta forgive him and keep going, it'll be worth it, just give it time (i know you probably hate hearing that). a few months later and almost all of my trust has been regained and im sure that he does love me.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - i was thinking the same thing.
but if you let things go now, you'll regret it. so might as well just go for it. and see how it goes.
Instead of asking the "what ifs" or regretting over this later, maybe you should just take the risk.
ive been through that. it was good for 1.5 years. then the last year or so (so like a total of almost 3 yrs together) we were on & off like crazy because of issues like this. I couldnt trust him anymore. eventually he did something that made me SO mad about my trust issues I yelled at him & said I didnt want to talk to him anymore. that was the end of it. from what i've learned, it isnt worth it if you cant trust them & they continue to do things that dont help the situation. & i feel like a few times we only got bak together because i was so torn over it as well. but you grow stronger.
No, it's not wrong for you to feel that way. My boyfriend has betrayed my trust in him and is still in the process of earning it back. It just takes a little time but both parties have to WANT to work things out.
i guess being young is probably one of the hardest part of growing up and when you throw a relationship into there, things just get more complicated. honestly, between the years of 18 to 23, you and your so will change the most, you either make it or break it and it's the truth. during those years, you'll figure out what you want and who you want to be with and so will he. things are definitely going to change when you're young, but if you believe that he's the one, then take a chance.
Join the club honey... If you really loved him, you will have patience.
You're "worth it to try for???!!!!!" You are not a fucking new hobby, you are a person who deserves far better than some idiotic son of a bitch who would dare to dump you in the first place. The jackass doesn't even deserve the little trust you allow him. Showing that you are the better person here because you let him back into your life. Excuse the language, but its plainly stated there that he broke up with you out of the blue and gave ridiculous excuses that have nothing to do with you guys dating right now. This relationship seems to be on his terms. Get rid of him, realize than you love yourself too much to settle for a dumbass you don't trust, and know that you can do WAY better than some fool you don't trust. Let real love find you.
You are going to and supposed to feel that way...I wouldn't trust him the same way either.
dump him. revenge is sweeter.
Do what you feel is right and the best for you, if he really does love you and it is meant to be you'll both be together when it is right. If it isn't right then you'll find the right person for you when it is time for you to find them.
Just live your life from day to day, and don't worry about it. People will always come and go, and maybe this relationship was meant to teach you both something about yourselves and about relationships too.
You both seem really young too, take your time and just breathe.
Best of luck to you!
it seems to me that he don't really know what he wants. after all, he just turned 21. guys this age? don't take their words of commitment too seriously.
I wish you all the best. I was with my SO for two years when he broke up with me, giving me the exact same reason that your guy gave you. We got back together after half a year(again, exact same reason your guy told you). And I wondered about the same thing that you're wondering now. Guess what? He broke up with me AGAIN three months later, with the exact same original reason. So now I'm more torn than I was the first time around; more confused, more attached...And his latest response to me?
"I'll let you know when I'm ready for marriage."
So...I don't feel like I can give you any advice. Just feel it out a little bit. Best of luck~