Is it worth the pain one may suffer waiting on someone else to commit fully, once and for all to you?
I'm actually on the other end of the story, I'm the one who would not commit. I just couldn't. This past year I went through a depression which made things difficult. Commitment tends to be hard for me because my dad left when I was 6, again when I was 16, and again when I was 18. My first serious relationship in which I lost my virginity, the guy told me all the time we would get married and HE was the one to talk about it all the time. He was also the one who was cheating and eventually dumped me for someone "better". They're still together.
Last autumn, I came across this amazing guy. He had style (LOVES to wear hats just like me!), beautiful blue eyes, and the most caring heart of anyone I've ever met. We spent 8 months in a relationship in which the 1st month it seemed we were destined for each other. Same goals, dreams, beliefs, quirks, ect. Just perfect, except I could not believe that I deserved something so perfect. It had to be too good to be true. I spent the whole time going around in circles with myself as to whether I should take it to the level he wanted - marriage.
Well, we broke up to ease tension and figure things out. I asked him if he could just wait, just wait for me to figure myself out. To experience life and make friends. If he could just be my friend instead of a marriage/intimacy crazed guy, the pressure would lessen and I could get over my depression....
Today, he told me he can't wait. He's now off on a date with another girl. Tell me, if you really love someone, would it be worth the wait?
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Comments (47)
So, he gave up on you because after 8 months (?!) you weren't ready to get married? If he was in love with you as he claimed (ready for marriage, apparently...) he should have been able to wait. What's the hurry?
@Viserys@xanga - I agree.
If someone loves you, then I'm pretty sure they would respect your decision and wait until you're ready. If they don't, then it's obvious that they just weren't worth it.
There's a girl I adore, with a whole and full heart. She is very beautiful, but more so inside she is extraordinary. I wait for her, because no one else do I feel free with. Read my blog, tell me am I NOT patient? And If things do not work towards a real real relationship, than this has made me a better man. Yes, love is worth it ALWAYS.
Love is always worth the wait.
Dont feel too bad. I mean, I know you're probably hurt but I know how you feel. It's better that this happened now than you being rushed into a relationship you were never sure about & be miserable for months or even years. Things happen for a reason & the guy who REALLY loves you will understand the need for you to find yourself & wait without complaint.
People like this guy who cant be without someone or just the physical side of a relationship usually have emotional issues & try to substitute them with things. You dont want that stress around you.
werd up to @Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - !
The waiting is horrible but is DEFINITELY worth it. <3
Wow...what a jerk. If he really loved you and wanted to be with you (and I mean specifically YOU, which is kind of what marriage is about...finding the ONE person you want to be with, and not wanting any other person), then he would've waited. Sounds like he just really wanted to be married, and isn't paying attention to who he is marrying.
Sorry that this happened to you. :/
Yes
I waited 7 months for my boyfriend 'to figure things out'. A year later, we're still together and happy.
I loved him enough that it was worth it for me.
Commitment is different for everyone, and I wouldn't necessarily call him a jerk. He could picture himself being married to you and spending his life with you, but he also knew you weren't ready or you just needed to figure things out.
There were two obvious choices for him
1) Stay with you until you figure things out, when you don't even know if you *will* figure things out.
or 2) Be with someone who can be on the same level of commitment as him.
If love is worth waiting, what if you're waiting for 5 - 6 years and in the end, there's no commitment? He had good reason to decide not to wait because he really understood that you just needed to figure out things on your own, and there's nothing wrong with taking your time to figure out your difficulties with commitment.
Wow, I'm really sorry about that. 8 months or whatever it is, your feelings and your heart are still involved and it hurts deeply.
But to answer your question and speaking from the point of view of a girl who IS in love with her boyfriend... Love IS worth it. As long as it's healthy and works for the best.. it will always be worth it.
Goodluck and I hope everything works out for you!
I feel like everyone is ganging up on the guy, but I feel like he gave you a chance.
I had a friend who waited for their loved one to "decide." A year of staying true to the girl. Then the girl just blew him off. If a guy asks a girl to marry him, and the girl replies, "later," it is kind of like saying no. I mean, it's really not, but to most guys it is.
Obviously it wasn't meant to be. Truthfully, we're only hearing your side of the story, and while maybe he was a bit quick to stop waiting, if you wanted it too you could've gone for it, seriously.
Yes.
yes. and honestly it sounds to me like you've got a good instinct. because while i know you didn't mean it to be--this was a test and he failed it. if he can't take being single for you for just a little while then there is no way he could handle the constant sacrifices and hardships of a marriage that lasts a lifetime. his love for you just wasn't big enough.
@ELIZerson@xanga - agreed agreed,.
....or he might be trying to push you into a decision so he is letting you know you don't have forever. in fact, if you don't move real quickly you might lose him for good. and if thats the case, you can't blame him for trying.
what's the old quote?
actions tell tenfold whatever words can say.
in my opinion, the guy was just all talk.
i don't know why people nowadays are so eager to commit.
people change throughout the course of their life, so that by the time they're 30, they'd likely not want the same thing they wanted when they were 18. shucks for those who marry early, am I right?
anyhow, i say, go enjoy life.
jump off a few cliffs.
fly!
@IntheGoldenWest@xanga - yeah agree. 8 MONTHS? thats kind of effed up. i wouldnt even want to tiptoe around the subject of marriage at 8 months. (and i truly love my boyfriend, who was my best friend of 5 years, bf of year and a half, and we do hope to have a future together)
@Starring_Hobo89@xanga - I see what you're getting at, but in your friend's case, the woman kept the man waiting for a year. In this instance, there's no definitive statement as to how long she has kept the guy waiting.
Just from reading the post, it seemed to me as if only a short period of time had passed before he said, "Nope, sorry, can't wait."
And if that was the case, then by no means did he give her "a chance" especially since marriage is a very serious step in a relationship.
LOVE. ISN'T. REAL.
However, if you're both attracted to one another, go for it. However, NEVER expect crap to last forever, because nothing is meant to last that long. Attraction is just another emotion that is bound by the same hormones that bind a child to it's mother, but that can only last so long.
I say that you're putting to much pressure on yourself by trying to find "the one". This isn't "The Matrix", chances are that there is ALWAYS someone better than the person you married. Don't put so much stress on yourself on finding this non-existent "soul mate". If you're attracted to each other, make it work, but if the spark is gone, don't drag it out longer than necessary and find someone new.
- Kunoichi
No its worth it at all. Just be alone. It's not so bad after you get used to it.
@pasaway4eva@xanga - Thanks! =D
if he loves you, he would wait but it seems like he's not sure it's love too if he's off dating someone else already. when someone loves you, they'll be there for you even if you tell them you need some space to find yourself.
pls dont feel bad!! cos i've wittness worse things than urs.. i even had to cut mysef jus to make her know that i can die for her.. i know its not easy to move along but please listen to (Daughtry *Over You*).. i bet it will help a lil.. buzz me if you need help.. takia