Tuesday, 01 September 2009
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The Theoretical Limited Window of Opportunity
While growing up, I was filled with the immature sentiment of "being invincible" and not taking life very seriously. I really only started dating extremely late (i.e. college instead of high school) and not very seriously like with everything else previously in my life. When you're in high school, you date just because it seems like "you're suppose to" given the psychological effects that movies and books have on the young. When I was 18, I pushed aside my issues of worrying about who I would be spending my future with; when I was 22, I did the same. All of a sudden, I'm now 26 almost 27 only to realize the sad truth that -- "Life is REALLY short" with the question, "What have I been doing all this time?!?". Most of my friends are already married and/or with kids, and the ones that aren't are at least in almost serious relationships. So I'm starting to feel the "time-lagged burn" of regret that I didn't work towards a real relationship.
This late realization has completely overtaken me for quite some time. I feel it even more when I go to get-togethers with friends and seeing their lives move forward. It's seriously like the feeling of crossing the finish line last.
While I'm really not desperate, it seems like I should be -- like I need to substantially change my lifestyle to be mentally prepared for a serious relationship.
My main questions are: Does it get that much harder the longer I wait? Do people date even MORE seriously than in college? (i.e. Really, really try to make only decent relationships turn into marriages)
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About the Author
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- From: TangMSU@xanga
- Name: Nathan
- About Me: Happiness is not a fish that you can catch.
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 722 Comments: 0 22 View all posts by TangMSU@xanga
Comments (22)
Well, most people marry between 18-28 or so, so the older you get, the harder it'll be to find someone who's single, but there's always someone else in your situation.
Be aware of the females you date now- I have a feeling a lot of them will be crazy bitches, desperate for marriage. Eek!
i dont know. i guess it depends on the persons prime? since when is desperate a negative?
@Shy___Away@xanga - lol
meh...differs. do you WANT to get married? if you want kids ... consider the biological timeframe us lucky ladies are gifted with. otherwise, its up to you.
the only reason i see it getting harder is that other people your age are getting married so the dating pool shrinks. i don't think 27 is "too late;" i think it's somewhere between "slightly early" and "ok," but that's just my opinion. i do think people date more seriously after college because that's when they become established in their careers and may look to settle down.
plus, college is for fun, man.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - Yea, I miss college
Do you mean 27 is in between "slight early" and "ok" to marry? Or do you mean it is in between "slight early" and "ok" to start a serious relationship? The latter is what bothers me even more.
@mycontinuity@xanga - 'guys'?
And yea chances are significantly slimmer. I'm also finding out how I have to compete with other guys for opportunity as a result of the slimmer chances.
As long as you try, I really think you will eventually find someone. Look around. Good luck
it seems like you talking about the *idea* of marriage/ being in relationship as the goal, and not necessarily the process of being married/in a relationship.
think about it this way: you're hearing/seeing people you know, that are your age, in a marriage or a serious relationship. things look peachy-keen, right? but really think about what they need to deal with as a couple: finance, priorities, personal space, schedules, etc...and the list gets even longer when you're married.
you're only feeling pressured because you're the sandbox kid who didn't get invited to play kickball with the rest. you shouldn't change yourself, but be open to construct and work on from dating to being in a serious relationship when you are with someone.
and dating without turning it into a serious relationship is very, very normal :)
@TangMSU@xanga - Uh, sorry, my screen doesn't open all the way so I didn't see a profile picture, only the picture of the girl in the hat. I just assumed you were female. Also, there are tons of single girls compared to guys, so your pickings aren't slimmer.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. I'm just a couple of years younger, and I'm in a similar boat. Where I live, it's the norm to gets married in your early 20's. Those friends of yours that are married right now may not be as happy as they look. Getting married doesn't always equal a lifetime of pure bliss and happiness, trust me.
Anyways, just focus on yourself and your own happiness. Afterall, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. Don't worry about your friends. People mature emotionally in their 20's and just start settling down into their careers. Truthfully, I think your 30's is a better age to get married b/c you're settled down more emotionally and financially. Just as a long you don't sit around everyday at your house and do nothing, I'm sure someone will cross your path that you will connect to. Also, if you are open to it, try internet dating. There are some free ones like okcupid.com that are pretty cool.
People have different needs. Think of dating outside your age group. There is no time frame for happiness. There is no garreentee that just because you hook up and marry someone early, that you will be happy. Quality of life dude.
it varies from people to people. a lot of my friends got married young and half of them aren't together anymore and are divorced. i started taking dating serious in college and thought i met the one only to find out that he's wasn't the one and he broke my heart. when i was young, i thought i would be married by 23 but that didn't happen and now i'm 25. and it's true, you start to realize that the dating pool gets smaller and smaller, but i've always believed that my one true love is out there somewhere, our paths just haven't crossed yet.
i spose its different for different people
im not at that stage yet
but yes id imagine it WOULD get harder =x the longer u wait ><
x
There are plenty of fish in the sea, regardless of your age.
from the people around me, if they are single after 25 they seem to be single for a very long time. those that i know are like 30+ and still single when all their friends are married with 2+ kids..
maybe if you once had a plan to get married at a certain age, about 3 years before that age you would treat the relationships serious.
YES YES YES it gets harder-I'm 25 and I've been by myself for 8 years straight. Thank goodness somebody else is in my shoes. I've been seeing more and more people get engaged/married/have kids in the past 3 years-and a lot of them started dating in high school or in college. I feel like I'm SO behind in this process since it's harder to find a girl who is my age who is single. A lot of them start to become really desperate and try to rush relationships into marriage. I know one girl who has dated 8 different guys in a row-she is really trying to tie the knot but she hasn't been too successful (her last relationship lasted 2 weeks).
You can't force yourself into a relationship. Relationships don't happen all at the same time for everyone. I'm sure that even though it seems like all of your friends are coupled up, you still know a lot of people in your same situation. Don't make yourself crazy trying to pour yourself into a relationship!
It depends on the kind of person.
I've been single almost all my life. I've dated a few guys but nothing that lasted, despite me wanting something to last. I let go of the idea of being in a serious relationship and decided to focus on me. Now I'm 28 and in a fully committed relationship that happened out of NOWHERE and I'm completely happy! I do feel what you're feeling about worrying about your time left and such. I would tell anyone who's feeling this way, to take the time instead to focus on yourself and do everything you want to do without the worry or plan about doing it with someone else. Life is indeed short, and you don't need someone else to make your "you time" any more shorter. When the right person comes, you will know, because everything you planned to do for yourself, will not change. I think, that's when you know it's the right one ;)
Don't base your dating life on someone else's time line. It depends on what you are comfortable with. There are billions of people on the planet so there will bound to be someone out there who is in the same situation as you are in. Marriage is NOT something to be rushing into or taken as lightly. People rush into marriages way too fast only to realize that they can't stand each other and end up divorced.
As for people taking dating more seriously in college? It depends on the person. Not everyone who date in college is thinking that they want to settle down with the person they are with.
Personally, I didn't date in high school. I was too busy with school and getting into college. I dated in college but I didn't have thoughts of marrying the guy I was with. This may sound mean but I never stressed or looked for someone to date, it just happened naturally. Don't stress too much about being alone, if it was meant to be, that person will come to you when you least expect it.
my cousin was definitely a late starter, she got in her first serious relationship (that i was aware of, there's about a 20 year gap between us) and got married when she was 30. i think she's around 38 now? i'm not really sure. but anway, you're not alone, and just keep dating around till you find a girl that clicks.