Tuesday, 01 September 2009
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Look But Don't Touch
I had an argument with my SO the other day because he had brought up that his father was checking out other girls, and that he had felt uncomfortable by it.
So I asked him if it offended him because his father had been looking at other women when his mother wasn't around, and he replied "Well my dad can do whatever he wants, it's none of my business if he was looking or not."
So being curious I asked my SO what he thought when it came to checking out other girls while in a relationship, he replied, "Well I see looking as a form of cheating, and it's disrespectful."
Now, here's where the argument came in, while I see his point of view, I have a different take, "you can look, but you can't touch." Now don't get me wrong, I already know there are other attractive girls out there who are way better looking then me, but I just don't grasp looking at someone as cheating. I mean I'll probably get beat up or have other people agree with me on this post but, what do you think?
Is looking a form of cheating or not?
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- From: Angel_Cross19
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Comments (72)
Looking isn't cheating. If looking was cheating, everyone would be a cheater and the only way to avoid it would be to pluck your eyeballs out. Honestly, whether we realize it or not, we're always seeing other people, and there always will be other people out there that we'll see or feel a physical attraction to. It's perfectly fine, it's human, it's natural, it's going to happen if you want or mean for it to or not.
I agree with you. Look but don't touch. My SO and I actually have a game we'll play while people watching. "He'd be cuter if he cut his hair." "If she laid off the make up, she'd be gorgous" etc.
Personally, I think that looking is just a natural thing to do. If it's just a passing glance, then I wouldn't be angry. But if it's full-on staring, checking up and down and then craning your neck to see them walk away, then yes, that is a problem. And yes, as long as they just, "look and don't touch", I'm okay with it. I won't flip out on them for being human.
I always have a bit of a habit of looking at people that walk by me. I don't know why, I just do. To me, it's just showing that you acknowledge their existence, not that I'm interested ahaha
My boyfriend and I both feel that looking can be a form of cheating, based on intent. We both know that we can't go around never looking at the opposite sex, and walking with our heads down.. but "checking out" can be disrespectful to each other (in our opinion). Looking at another person with lust can be just as bad as physically cheating. We're both Christian also, and the bible says that when you look at someone with lust, you've already committed adultery in your heart, so we agree that putting yourself in these situations should be avoided. Now, this was not said to raise arguments.. and many disagree with my opinion, and that it definitely okay! Everyone has their own values, and we're not all meant to think alike.. so to each his own!
I know this is different for everyone, and many people do not share this view. I think that it's okay that not everyone agrees with this, but it's more important on what you and your SO agree upon as being "acceptable" within the relationship. My boyfriend and I's views of cheating are quite strict by many of today's standards.. but it was mutually felt, and therefore agreed upon. We have a healthy and strong relationship as well.. it works for us.
I don't think that looking is cheating. I agree with "Look but don't touch". I'm sure people in relationships check other people out, it's not cheating though. It's normal.
it could go both ways...
I don't consider it cheating and I honestly don't mind if my boyfriend checks out other girls. Although, he has a view much like your guy does. Now it does bother me if my boyfriend were to do double takes or stare really hard at a girl, but it's still not cheating to me.
I don't mind if my husband looks. It's sort of unavoidable. I mean, you're walking down the street and there's tons of people, you're bound to notice if one is attractive or not.
noticing is fine (you can't help noticing people), but "checking out" is disrespectful to ones partner. i wouldn't call it cheating though, just rude.
Looking is cheating??? If thats the case then there are like 17 faithful people on this planet.
I don't think looking is cheating. We're human. We like looking at nice things. If you're in a relationship, it's okay to look (not blatantly stare) as long as you don't touch, it's fine.
i agree with you. you can look, just dont touch
There's more than 17 blind people on this planet. :D
Obviously someone who is attractive will catch your eye. You can't help but notice them. Checking someone out is totally different. It's not cheating, but like others have said it's disrespectful and rude to your partner.
no way.
looking isn't cheating. it's just natural to check people out.. in my opinion.
ha.
now, winking at them or slipping them your number or anything beyond that..
that's goin a little too far.
@Luketh@xanga - Yeah, I actually thought about that as I wrote my comment....but wasn't sure if it would sound like a joke. Which got me thinking.... I wonder what % of blind people are in a relationship?
No.
Looking is fine. Intentional flirting, on the other hand, after looking is not.
@presque_la@xanga - Best explanation so far.
As noted by others in discerning the different intents when checking someone out:
1.) There's those with a player/thug mentality that look at ones of the opposite sex by looking at them up-and-down and blatantly stare; blatantly staring would indicate that they might be fantasizing eroticly (i.e. with lust).
2.) Notice someone passing by that is attractive. The thought of the said attractive someone clears quickly.
3.) Then there's those like me that tastefully inspect. For example: Seeing someone and then thinking, "That girl is pretty damn good looking; maybe would be more attractive with less fat in her calves and wearing a nicer dress." Heck, in the same manner, I even check out other guys with the same intent to ask them about their workout program and where they got their clothes.
Looking is not cheating. But if one does not like their SO looking at other people, which is hard to do because it's natural, the looking SO should try to minimize their looking. The non-looking SO should understand some have a harder time at not looking at others.
It's a touchy subject for a lot of people.
I don't care if my boyfriend looks at other girls, as long as he doesn't say anything about it to me.
and vice versa.
Looking is NOT cheating, however, it can be disrespectful is done infront of the S.O. I know my bf looks and I've caught him taking a glance at a pretty girl (no, I've never thrown a fit over it) because he does it quickly. If he ever just sat there drooling (or obviousy oggling/eye humping) another woman, then we would have a problem. Everyone looks, but it needs to be a look...not a stare and no comments like, "oh damn" or something like that.
i dont think its cheating, like alot of people said its normal but pretty disprespectful to full on checkout someone else right in front of your partner.
I agree with Ms. Diaries
I honestly believe that looking isn't cheating, you can however cheat with someone emotionally as in you spending a lot of time with another person that isn't your SO.
But I personally feel that if you are with someone you are in love with, there's no need to look at others, no, not..
"oh hey look at them"
"gasp how dare you!" *slap!*
I mean checking another person out, scoping, drooling, undressing with your eyes,etc. I really find no need to look at other guys when I can look at my bf <3
Think about it, you won't die if you don't look at other guys/girls right? be respectful to your SO :]
looking is not cheating, lusting after someone else is though.
Obviously, he doesn't mean just 'looking'. He means "checking other people out." They're absolutely not the same thing. It's one thing to let your gaze linger on an especially attractive person for a moment, but it's something else entirely to stare at them the whole time they in eyeshot/keep looking over towards them while walking.
I wouldn't say it's cheating, nor would I really get offended by it, but I can certainly understand where he's coming from.