Relationships are so tricky to begin with. If you add in faux glamour and white lies to the mix, do you really know who you're dating? Is he really Mr. Right? Or is he really Mr. Maybe?
You've been there. You've dated guys who dazzle you and worship you. They make you feel like you're the prettiest girl. They make you feel special. They make you feel like you're on top of the world. This is it, you've met Mr. Right. Flash forward to 6 months later, he's not paying attention to you the way he used to. You ask him if you're pretty, he nods and goes back to watching the game. You're no longer having hot rabbit sex. He may even forget to hold the door for you.
So what happened? Did things changed because he's got you now or was he always like this but just hid it well? Did he simply pretend to be someone he's not or did he pretend to be someone you want him to be? Either way, both of those pretenses have the same end results. He gets the girl.
So now that you've figured out he's not perfect (in your book) do you try to change him more to their liking, sort of like molding a sculpture? And if that's the case, how can there truly be a "Mr. Right"? Wouldn't they be more like a "Mr. Maybe"?
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Comments (27)
The first mistake here is keeping Mr. Maybe for six months. His not Mr Right status becomes clear early in the relationship.
if he starts to change after 6 months (too fast) then hes not mr right, so why be with mr maybe when you can have mr right?
Well, those all seem like superficial things. There's more to a relationship than holding open doors for people and going at it like rabbits and reassuring a girl that she's pretty every five minutes.
I don't think it necessarily changes Mr. Right's feelings for you. And if that's the case, then why go find another Mr. Right? The cycle's bound to continue the next time, and maybe even the time after.
Love is not all "you're so pretty, let's have sex, let me be a gentleman" its more than that.
Although its nice to be complimented once in awhile, you should be able to connect on other levels.
I think it's just a sense of stability and comfort. At the beginning it always feel exciting and stuff, since you two just started dating, you know?
going back to your scenario: the question that must be asked is "but do you still love him?"
werd to@BimBo_HiPPo@xanga - !
Never try to change someone. If you're not happy with who they are, find someone else.
-Katie
are you asking me if i would date a guy that flattters me 24/7? why would any girl date someone like that? i'd rather i dated someone who excited passions in me and i was able to talk to them and look forward to it. i wouldn't want to be flattered 24/7, i have enough self-confidence (read: conceit) in myself to need more of it. i'd rather i would have fun with someone, argue with them, laugh with them, etc.
With the characteristics you've listed, maybe it's a case of you expecting too much out of a boyfriend. People get comfortable with each other and they stop worshiping the other person, it happens. If you can't get comfortable enough with the other person to the point where you throw a fit when you don't get the attention you want when you want it, you might want re-examine your approach to the relationship.
As a guy, if a girl demands constant attention, compliments, and gentlemanly behavior, then she's considered high maintenance. And that gets really old, really fast.
How could you expect someone to be perfect? That's incredibly unfair.
Don't tell me that in six months, you'll constantly be complimenting him on his hair or his handiwork, you'll be in the mood and have hot passionate sex every single time he's in the mood, and you won't ever forget to sew up that one hole in his shirt like you promised to a while ago.
Look, passion fades. Unfortunately, it happens to most couples. But you make it out to be so one-sided -- like it's the man's fault that everything isn't quite as passionate as before when the truth is, the passion has faded on both sides.
Instead of trying to change him, you should discuss your worries of how the spark seems to be fading, and try new things together to respark that flame.
If, in the end, that doesn't help, then you should probably sit down and think about whether or not this relationship is right for you.
Well let's be frank -- there is NO Mr. Perfect. Given your description of Mr. Perfect to be: "You've dated guys who dazzle you and worship you. They make you feel like you're the prettiest girl. They make you feel special. They make you feel like you're on top of the world. This is it, you've met Mr. Right. "
Do you honestly think you can find a guy to put on you a pedestal forever?!? Let's be honest, guys want someone to see eye-to-eye with. Guys want a girlfriend... and not to be some girl's lackey.
See it from a guy's point-of-view. Do YOU think if you were him could keep it up forever? If you find another guy, I can guarantee you sooner or later things will slow down in the same manner.
I know I'm being overly blunt but at least recognise that there is some truth in what I say. Switch tables around and think about what YOU have done for him. Have you dazzled him 24/7? Have you worshipped him in return and made him feel special? Sorry, love doesn't work the way you want it to be.
I'll say it again -- there is NO Mr. Perfect... and there is NO Miss Perfect either.
P.S. Real girls sooner or later realize the diminishing value of cheap gimmicks like having doors opened for them.
everyone changes so if a female is this petty because her man didnt hold open the door like he use to in the beginging of the relationship then best believe they are never going to be in a long term relationship because they want that person to stay the same and on top of that u might be the one changing to. everyone starts to change after awhile and of course ur going to show your best when u first meet someone but u start to get comfortable once u get to know a person. now if he is cheating or lying all the time then thats a whole diffrent story.
@TangMSU@xanga - OMG I COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF THANKS FOR THIS COMMENT...U FUCK'N ROCK LOL =)
god, going thru this right now.
yea most people have answered this already.
There is no such thing as perfect, maybe "perfect for you" but not perfect. Plus why would you want a guy who worships you? that's like having a dog, so get one of those instead cuz they wait for you at the door and get all excited when you come home, etc.
Especially after 6 months? My bf and I have been together for 3 years and 5 months, and he still opens doors for me, not every single time, sometimes I go in front to open it for him (even though he makes me go first haha) but I love that he's still a gentleman at times. You know when he's the guy for you when you feel like you do for him when you are at the pinnacle of your relationship all the time, ok not every second, because of course there are arguments but you should get what I mean.
Don't wait for some guy to worship you like you seem to want, that's just immature :/ sorry to say.
If he's Mr. Maybe, then he's not for you, that can also be called 'wasting each others time' sadly
@TangMSU@xanga - I was like yes, I agree, yup, but then the ps part was like D:
I still appreciate "cheap gimmicks" like that. I don't think they are cheap, I just believe that relationships should be equal, and being polite is sweet.
but other than that part I concur :D
I was just in this very situation. Unfortunately, it didn't take me 6 months to get out of it, rather it extended to a year! :(
Anyway, I learned that you can't change a person unless they themselves realize that the change is necessary and, thus, are willing to make the change. However, going from my experience, the chances of having genuine changes are slim to none. But, of course, I can't speak for everyone.
Bottom line: if you see this guy changing into someone completely opposite to the person you fell for, most likely this is his true-self revealing itself. So if you don't like it and can't find yourself growing to accept him as he is, save yourself some time and just RUN!
your definition of Mr. Right sounds a lot like Mr. Erotomaniac Stalker.
but let's say I do meet Mr. Right, whoever he is I think he is in my book -- there is also the very good possibility that I am not Miss Right in his book. or perhaps I am, but Mr. Right wants Miss Better than Miss Right....
does that make sense? true story.
wouldnt try to change him
but if it just doesnt work ..
welll
you have to consider whether the relationship is worthy to continue or not i suppose?
everyone has their dry periods though
x
for me, there's always been only mr. maybe and never mr. right because he hasn't come along yet. if mr. maybe was a potential mr. right, but after a while things died down then he was never mr. right, he was just mr. maybe.
You should try and work things out. Maybe if suddenly behavior has changed, there was a cause for it.
I think it's worth every attempt to save a relationship if you care about each other, but after a certain point it's probably simply not going to work anymore.
Never try and change someone, though. If a person changes over the course of a relationship, it's natural, and should only happen at a natural pace.
Uhhh...besides....I don't think I could take someone 'worshiping' me or anything. It shouldn't be about just getting attention. Makes me feel really awkward to feel like a guy is making too much of an effort to win me over, and it makes me suspicious. If I dated a guy who started treating me this way, I'd be suspicious from the start. Hate this sort of thing..
@TangMSU@xanga - Oh...yes, I agree :]
Oh I lol'd at this after reading it.
Look, all that means is that he's gotten comfortable with you. It means he DOESN'T have to play the "dating game" anymore. He still finds you pretty, and if you want more sex, jump HIM or talk about it if that doesn't work. Relationships are about communication, first and foremost. You pegged it right when you said "its because he 'got the girl.'" Guys once they feel like they found someone they can keep, they stop doing those things they had to put effort into doing in the first place. Its a truth. Honestly, its hit or miss whether my bf opens a door for me anymore. But you know what? I'm a big girl, I can open a door for myself.
I don't want someone flattering me 24/7, so I would probably keep this "maybe"... unless he's actually WAY different from the first time we started dating. (like if he was nice when you first met... but then 6 months later he became rude, obnoxious, never patient, didn't really "care" about you...), then obviously, I wouldn't stay. But I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and hasn't changed (maturewise- yes :]) a bit. He's my "mr. perfect".
@lapis_lazuli917@xanga - Agreed.