Monday, 31 August 2009

  • WYD Someone In A "Pity" Relationship?

    I know that it's wrong to date someone who is already in a relationship - no matter what kind of a relationship it is. But let me introduce something that could perhaps  be new to you.

    Would you date someone who is in a "pity" relationship?

    By a pity relationship, I mean, someone who is in a relationship that he can't get out of because if he did, his SO would go through some pretty drastic measures just to get him back

    These are some of the following:
    * Stop bathing
    * Go to his house everyday and just stand there and cry begging to take her back
    * Stalk him
    * Stop eating
    * Lie about being pregnant
    and the list goes on...

    And let's just say that this guy could be perfect for you. Or so it seems. Would you still date him knowing that he wants to be with you but he just can't? And also if he's trying his best to get out of the relationship?

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Comments (33)

  • maxxi2031@xanga

    umm, if he really wanted out, no matter if she kept coming back, if he considers it over, it's over right? technically?
  • AznFier@xanga

    Probably, but it might not work out in the long run either way if they didn't break out of the pity relationship. Because they will always be a hindrance to our relationships' development (i.e., physically and emotionally burdening them with threats and whatnot.)
  • Appealing2maiEye@xanga

    I would say it isnt okay.
    If they're in a relationship, out of pity or not, they are still in a relationship.
    and thats their choice.

    also, if you get caught up by the other girlfriend or whoever then you have to deal with them. either way they are probably going to flip out and do all those things that they may have done if they were dumped. if not worse.
  • WaterfallPhilosophies@xanga

    Uh no, the guy needs to stop making excuses and grow some balls.


    Then he needs to learn to stop dating psychos.
  • Babylons_Crowing@xanga

    "Wants to be with you but just can't." in this case = coward.  Or an enabler.  Having enabling tendencies myself, I'd know.  Relationships with such people tend to fall apart due to communication problems and issues regarding whether or not they're being genuine.
  • Liquid_Pain_523@xanga

    You have to make him see that he can't date you until he gets out of the relationship. Otherwise it gives him another excuse to stay with this girl. And there are ways he can call her out on pregnancy, like buying her a pregnancy test and making her pee on it in front of him. Pretty simple.

    @WaterfallPhilosophies@xanga - He can't stop dating psychos. All women are psychos .
  • WaterfallPhilosophies@xanga

    @Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - Nah, grow balls and grow up!  What woman wants a man who gives excuses?  Pregnancy tests are expensive.  If you wanna have sex with a psycho at least wear a condom.  Who wants to play the "ima call you out!" game anyway. 

  • Fluxuater@xanga

    No I wouldn't, it'd be too stressful and I'd feel like the other woman..
  • getta_ring_on_it

    sounds to me like this guy is making excuses and you are drinking his kool-aid. if he wants to break up with her, he will, it is simple as that. and if he tells you, "i can't just let her hurt herself when i still care about her, i was with her a long time, you don't just stop caring about someone like that."-- i know it sounds so sensitive and kind--in fact, i ate it up at one time myself, but the truth is, he is either ready to move on or he isn't. if he wants to be with you, he will. the right way.  and like the comment above me said, making him get out of that relationship to be with you is the only way you will ever know for sure he really is "perfect" for you.


    and remember, if he does it for you, he WILL do it to you. That means if you all go through a hard time and he meets some cute girl who is so sympathetic he will start calling you a psychopath too. and you''ll become one because you won't understand how he could do this to you. and you will need to understand, but the truth is, he just wants BOTH.
  • Tiffanyy_Co@xanga

    I would tell him to cut ties with her.. (so its a clean break like if she keeps seeing him it will only hurt her you know?) but before hand call her fam members to inform them of how she is and to please look after her and make sure she doesn't harm herself. Also explain that the relationship is no longer a relationship and it has been over for a while.

    And if he won't he's making excuses and doesn't really want you and def isn't worthy of you.
  • BeautifulDisaster04@xanga

    I never heard the words "pity relationship" before til now. NO I would not date him or wait for him either.
  • t_zie@xanga

    hell yeah mofo
  • UnopenedSuitcases@xanga

    no. cut things off, or bye bye
  • xXCrystal_RaindropsXx@xanga

    @Fluxuater@xanga - same.
  • MissPixieGlitter@xanga

    no, that would suck for both parties involved.
  • soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga

    @Tiffanyy_Co@xanga - basically.
  • mtngirlsouth@xanga

    Absolutely NOT!!!! For one, I have been the victim of the other woman, hell no, will I ever be one. Furthermore, unless you actually know the GF, all you know is what he is telling you. Sounds like you could do better throwing a rock with your eyes closed! And you have no idea what he is actually telling her to keep her hanging on.
  • RawrYouDo@xanga

    what if she found out that he was cheating on her...
    wouldn't she do all those pathetic things times, like, a hundred?
  • dearFLOPPY@xanga

    @MissPixieGlitter@xanga - agree.couldn't have said it better myself.
  • snapeful@xanga

    would i date a guy who doesn't have balls to break up with his gf and not mean it? haha, no thanks. 
  • snapeful@xanga

    @WaterfallPhilosophies@xanga - LOL i couldn't have put it better myself :) 
  • T0m03@xanga

    *That's her business if she stops bathing. If he's ending it, someone needs to move out.
    *Restraining order.
    *Big deal.
    *Her problem.
    *Make her take a test.


    One of my cardinal rules is to NEVER get involved with someone who is ALREADY involved with someone else. That means, under NO circumstances would I even give that kind of DRAMA a chance to take place. I know how it would feel if someone did that to me, and I'm simply one of those people who REFUSE to do that to others (if only to minimize my own level of craziness in my life).



    If a guy can't get out of his relationship on his own, it would indicate to me that he's not very self-sufficient. What happened to knowing and being able to take care of things? He can't even end a relationship he doesn't want to be in? Then again, that could be just a line he's feeding you so that you'd feel sorry for him. He wants to have his cake (his girlfriend) and eat it too (all the great physical benefits of you). How would you feel if you're in a relationship with this guy who doesn't want to work out his problems with you but would rather have someone on the side?
  • life_onreplay@xanga

    I'm in this situation right now, i always tell him he cant "have his cake and eat it too" but as much as i try to push him away from me for the sake of HIS relationship, he won't let me go, and hes convinced that the only way he would break up with her is if i said i wanted to be with him, but i dont want to be with him while hes with her. so it is a never ending circle and he hasn't given up on me, and he still hasn't broken up with her. its a double edged sword, really. but it makes me feel like i am in a bad situation, its not the best thing to be with someone whos with someone else, wouldnt u want to feel like the first priority? not second rate to someone else, or have to be in competiton? i understand how you feel, bc like i said i am still ina a similar situation as yours, but after awhile it wears u down and gets tooo frustrating, for the sake of ur own well being, i would try to find someone un attached. someone who is only yours.



    if he wanted to be out of the relationship he would be, im pretty sure hes not "trying his best"
  • XoAsianBabioX@xanga

    OMG GOING THRU THIS NOW. i'm so torn.
  • rough_souls@xanga

    you really shouldn't. the other person needs a serious talking-to, and maybe therapy. but that situation does really suck

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